Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

As promised, I'm taking a break from the Interwebs for the remainder of the year. It's been a great past couple of months here at the blog and I'm looking forward to 2010.

In the meantime, enjoy this smattering of my Christmasy old blog posts and articles to keep you in the mood:

Excerpts from the "Stealing Christmas" article I wrote for the Nov/Dec 2009 issue of Relevant Magazine:
• Part 1: The Tree
• Part 2: The Mistletoe
• Part 3: The Gifts
• Part 4: The Date
• Part 5: Redemption

My Favorite Christmas Story (2008)

My Favorite Christmas Special (2007)

Debunking Christmas (2007)

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Have a great Christmas/New Year and I'll see you in 2010.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)

Disturbing Christmas Ornaments

Everybody has their own tastes in Christmas ornaments. We have two trees at our house. One is a smaller tree and is filled with ornaments our kids have created over the years. They get to decorate this one all on their own.

Our larger tree is filled with two kinds of ornaments: those we have purchased over the years to commemorate family trips (starting with our honeymoon), and a smattering of tasteful, elegant red ones. My wife and I get the kids to help us decorate this tree, but they do it under our supervision.

That being said, I can't imagine why anyone would want to hang the following real ornaments on their trees:

The Skeletal Santa:

Mommy, what happens when Santa dies?

Santa doesn't die, Jimmy, but unfortunately he IS subject to aging. He gets so old that eventually his skin disintegrates until he's just a jolly, grinning skull. But the Santa hat is forever, so we'll still know it's him.

Get a skull-in-Santa-hat here.

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The Nearly-Devoured-by-Sea-Creatures Santa:



Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but is that a ghostly pale Santa being torn to shreds by a clan of red sea urchins? I think it is. Probably explains why all the blood has drained from his face.

Get your scary-Santa-being-devoured ornament here.

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The Ropin' Cowboy:


I just want to know this: Why does he have a looped lasso AND a string for hanging from the tree? Could you just combine those into one all-purpose ornament accessory?

Get your Brown Rodeo Round-Up Ornament here.

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The Fish-with-Makeup:



So, here's the thought-process behind these handmade ornaments: 1) We should put some fish on our tree! 2) Those fish should have eyelashes! 3) Fish have big lips, so let's put some lipstick on them! 4) Pass the bong! 5) What if one of the fish had human teeth? Yes! 6) Let's sell these. People will love them.

Get your fish-with-makeup ornaments here.

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The Crap



You know what's missing from my Christmas tree? Excrement, that's what.

Get your Christmas poop ornament here.

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The Face of the Dark Side



I'm not sure what's more disturbing: the visage of Darth Vader sharing space with Baby Jesus, or the fact that this polonaise glass ornament originally cost $79.99.

(Sorry, kids, this ornament is no longer available.)

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The Partial-Santa-Plus-Christ-Child



As inspired I am by the fact that Santa appears to be babysitting Jesus while Mary and Joseph go for a diaper run, I am equally horrified by the fact that Santa's torso appears to have been severed from the waist down. Makes chimney landings a little sketchy, if you ask me.

Get your legless-Santa-and-Jesus ornament here.

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What's the weirdest or most unique ornament on your tree?

Spill Your Guts about Christmas

Let's do something fun. If today's blog post is interesting at all, it will be up to you. Why? Because I want you to finish the following sentences in the comments section.

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1. The first Christmas present I remember getting was ____________ .

2. My family prefers to open gifts on _____________ because _____________ .

3. Christmas is _____________ .

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I'll start it off with my own answers. Then it's your turn.

Interview with Danielle Shroyer

For a relatively young pastor, Danielle Shroyer already has a pretty impressive résumé. She graduated from Princeton Divinity School. She has served as a youth minister, campus minister, and chaplain for a retirement community. She's currently the pastor of Journey Community Church in Dallas and facilitates the Dallas Emergent Cohort.

And she's a first-time author, having recently released a refreshing and creative book about God. It's called The Boundary-Breaking God, and Danielle was gracious enough to let me interview her about the hopefulness of the biblical story, the promise of Advent, and why she'd like to road-trip with James Taylor:

Jason: The subtitle of The Boundary-Breaking God is "An Unfolding Story of Hope and Promise." You mention at the beginning that hope and promise are a recurring theme in the Bible (and I agree). But its easy for Christians to lose sight of these. Why is this? Why is "hope" not at the forefront of our minds when we read the Bible?

Danielle: I think the Grinch may have stolen it. Seriously, though, I think it's because as western American Christians we have tended to opt for themes of sin and human depravity instead. That has a lot to do with our Puritan roots, but it has very little to do with the way this story was told for the majority of the time prior to that. I've had countless conversations with people who worry that to speak of hope and promise is to somehow downplay or minimize the very real brokenness of the world. This is simply a false dichotomy. Why would you hope in something if you thought what you already had was so perfect?! If you pick up the Bible and read it through the lens of sin, you are going to miss out on a small country's worth of important details. If you read it through the lens of hope and promise, you bring all the details of the story along for the ride--and, I would argue, you are able to see them in their proper context.

Hope and promise are clearly themes that get attention--or, at least, should get attention--during the season of Advent. From your perspective, how would a better understanding of hope make Christmas more meaningful to us? What are we missing out on? What can/should we do better?

I think American Christianity has settled for a very limited definition of salvation (mainly pertaining to the above themes of sin and human depravity), and in doing so has removed the idea of salvation from its proper place in the narrative of Scripture. The story of salvation begins all the way back with the promise given to Abraham and Sarah ("I will make you a great nation through whom all the families on earth will be blessed"). It includes the prophets, and the experiences of wilderness and exile, and the creation and destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. It includes kings and judges. If you leave all those parts out of the story, it's not going to be half as exciting when you get to the part where Jesus arrives on the scene and passages of Isaiah begin reappearing.

The story of Jesus is beautiful because he is the unique and surprising fulfillment of a promise after years of hoping beyond hope for that promise to come to fruition. Advent ought to feel like that part in a novel where you realize this is where it's been leading you the whole time, and you can hardly turn the pages fast enough to see what is going to happen next. Those lectionary readings from the prophets should feel jam-packed with hope and promise, and that should make us giddy with excitement about how it's all being played out, fulfilled and even subverted in the ongoing story of Jesus. To jump right over all that to go straight to the manger is to do a great disservice to the whole reason people cared about the manger to begin with. If we want Christmas to be meaningful, let's celebrate the whole story so that our hope can be full!

Something else that makes its way into TBBG is God's tradition of favoring the outside over the insider. It occurs to me that, given your family and work history--being of Lebanese descent, having worked as a chaplain for a retirement community, being a female pastor in a very conservative religious city like Dallas--you might be more familiar with the "outsider" than others. Do you agree? What is the connection between God's embrace of the marginal and the theology of hope?

I don't know if I tend toward the margins or if the margins tend toward me, but I can say I've always felt a great deal of kinship with outsiders. And the story of God, of course, is chock full of them from beginning to end. Who would have thought that a barren couple would be the start of such a big and wonderful promise? Who could have imagined that pagan astrologers would be the ones to best declare the Kingship of Jesus? God does seem to enjoy frolicking along the fringes and pulling in a strange cast of people for starring roles when you would have assumed they'd have little more than a cameo. I think that gives all of us a good deal of hope, because it's not any longer a far-fetched idea to think that God might have a spot for our own quirky selves in this story, too.

Speaking of...I was struck by the fact that you admit to having been heavily influenced by theologian Jurgen Moltmann, whose is well-known for his 1964 book Theology of Hope. Then Moltmann endorsed your book. On a personal level, how great was that?

I am an unabashedly adoring fan of Jurgen Moltmann, so I cannot put into words how great it was. We were working on bringing him to Chicago for the Emergent Village Theological Conversation and Tony Jones convinced me to send him the manuscript so that he could see how practitioners like me are applying his work in an emerging faith context. When Doug Pagitt called to read me the fax letter with the endorsement, I nearly passed out on the floor of my study.

[Here's Moltmann's endorsement, by the way: "I am more than grateful for this book by Danielle Shroyer. It is not only true, it is also beautiful to live with God's promise in the heart and God's enlarging horizon before your eyes. The Boundary-Breaking God is full of memorable stories and quotable sentences, going with us as faithful companions."]

All writers write to an ideal reader (at least, we're supposed to). Who is your ideal reader? Who needs to read TBBG?

I actually had two ideal readers. The first is a person who has no knowledge of the biblical story but is considering whether God/Jesus/faith might be worth exploring. The second is a person who has grown up in the church but might be struggling with some of the ways the story has been told. For both of them, the questions that might be most important are things like: Does this story have room for me? What does this story of God have to offer the complex world in which I live? Can the story of God do something more than draw lines and construct fences? Is there a way to follow Jesus that will encompass every part of my life rather than demand that I parcel it out into inauthentic and forced subfolders?

My prayer is that people who read the book will feel empowered to push back on the constricting story of religion they may have heard and make room for the Spirit to speak instead.

One question I always like to ask new writers is: How did you get here? What was your road to getting published?

One of my friends has nagged me to write a book for years, but during most of that time I was rather preoccupied giving birth to my two children and doing all those things that naturally follow afterward. One day (when they were slightly older and not quite the rogue toddlers they had previously been) it just dawned on me that I wanted to write this book about God's story being one of continual expansion. I sketched it out within ten minutes and the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. I was speaking at the National Pastors Convention not long after that and happened to be having lunch with the woman who is now my editor, and I pitched the idea to her. She told me to write up the proposal and send it to her, and we were off to the races.

Tell me about Journey Church. How has being part of that community influenced your theology and faith? What role has it played on your own journey?

I connected with Journey about six weeks after it began in 1999. I was working as an assistant chaplain at SMU at the time as part of my seminary field education, but after meeting with Scott, the founding pastor, I was able to write Journey into my internship. That year was incredibly formative for me. When I returned to seminary the next fall, all my classes took on an entirely different slant. I felt like I knew for the first time what kind of church I might be preparing myself for. Of course, at the time I had no idea that I'd actually become their pastor a few years later.

Journey is like this experimental lab where we try to figure out ways to make our theology truly communal, practical and missional. As much as I love theology, it's a stretching exercise to translate those lofty words and ideas into something that really matters for people in their daily lives. We have hope- so what? We think everyone who follows Jesus is part of the "priesthood"- how can we do that? We think we're called to be a gift of life and grace to our community- what kinds of practices help us live into that? We don't mind experimenting, and when an experiment doesn't go swimmingly, we chalk it up to a learning experience and move right along. It's a wonderfully creative and freeing place to be. I feel I've grown so much in my faith with these people, and I hope they feel the same.

Now for some less serious questions: What do you want for Christmas?

A stainless steel skillet and the new ONE t-shirt. And, of course, an endless number of books.

What do you love best about Dallas?

I love being near so many people I love- family, friends, and of course my Journey peeps.

What do you like least about Dallas?

Dallas can be a shallow and pretentious place sometimes. Also, it could use some nature- more trees, a mountain, a non-man-made lake...

What kind of car do you drive?

Usually I'm driving our '94 Toyota Highlander. Sometimes I'm driving my husband's Honda Civic hybrid.

What was the last book you read?

I just finished a book of short stories a friend gave me called Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri. (I almost never read modern fiction, so that's strange.) Next I'm starting a book by my childhood friend Sarah Baker who is a silent film historian. It's called Lucky Stars and tells the story of the long-standing romance between silent film stars Janet Gaynor and Charles Farrell. Then it's likely back to theology and philosophy.

You are going on a cross-country drive with three other people whom you get to select. One is a contemporary musician. One is a historical figure. One is a fictional character. Who are your three people and why?

Hmm...I will choose James Taylor, who I adore and whose voice never, never grows old. He will be fantastic company on a cross-country drive, especially when we go to Carolina or see a walking man. Not surprisingly, I'll bring Jurgen Moltmann along. He totally counts as an historical figure, since he changed Christian theology forever. He can tell us the secret of life (James will of course offer up his own thoughts on the matter) and explain every last morsel of his nine major works of theology. I will have James drive so that I can take notes. And, of course, what is a good road trip without Mr. Darcy?

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Disclaimer: Danielle and I share a publisher in Jossey-Bass, and the team at J-B sent me a review copy of The Boundary-Breaking God. But I heartily recommend it anyway, because seriously: If it's good enough for Jurgen Moltmann? It's good enough for me. And for you, too.

The Year in Blogging, Part 2

Here's the second half of my year-in-review blog recap. The first part was on Friday. Here are a few of the high points from July to this month.

July
I displayed some vintage ads that will give you the willies, followed by a three-part video Q&A. Around the same time, I wrote a controversial article for the Daily Beast that queried Christian pastors about whether or not Michael Jackson was in heaven. In a follow-up blog post, I give some background to the process of writing that article and a reaction to the negative comments. I did a five-minute fake interview about the Pocket Guide books in which I didn't even crack myself up, surprisingly. The first Pocket Guides arrived. I revealed the contents of my actual pockets. And then I did the craziest thing I've done all year: I made boxes of the first edition of Pocket Guide to the Bible (48 copies per box) available for $.01 for 24 hours. A penny a box. Virtually free. I "sold" 58 boxes, and spent the next two weeks signing and shipping books.

August
In honor of release day for the Pocket Guides, I posted a self-interview and hosted a caption contest. I made another round of confessions related to those books. I did some public service with a helpful guide to Rorschach inkblots (one of my favorite posts of the year and definitely the most fun to write). I enjoyed stupid fun with song lyrics. I discovered Eternal Earthbound Pets, an atheist-run service that promises to take care of your dog and cat after the Rapture. We discussed a hard question about hell and damnation. Then I ran a two-part interview with Bart, the atheist guy behind the non-raptured pets site. Despite having a pretty low tolerance for Christians, Bart is a nice guy and we still keep in touch (he and a few of his readers still comment here on occasion).

September
We had a really interesting discussion about the trustworthiness of the Bible and some of the doubts I have in that regard. I asked for your support in my biggest triathlon competition of the year, then I recapped it. I requested your feedback on the aspects of Christianity that give you the most trouble, faith-wise, and you delivered. On the anniversary of his death, I re-posted my remembrance of the late Rich Mullins, one of my personal heroes. This post brought me into contact with several people who actually knew Rich, and that thrills me. A post about the Ten Worst Bible Passages as cited by Ship of Fools readers was fairly controversial but led to some good discussion.

October
I asked Will the world end in 2012? and gave my apocalypse-expert answer: Probably not. I asked for feedback on some hard questions within Christianity. I noted things I did not support and called your attention to some awesome American Jesus art. We had another 5-sentence story contest involving a shark ("Like a torpedo with gills"). I saw U2's 360 Tour in Oklahoma. Inspired by spending time with Jim Palmer (the writer, not the underwear modeling ex-major leaguer), I riffed about happiness and its relation to spirituality. I listed some random thoughts about Halloween.

November
This is when traffic really ramped up, beginning when I listed the words you can't use in a Christian romance novel (as dictated by a specific publisher). Then I confessed some things about worship that really annoyed me. Both of these posts generated a lot of buzz on Twitter and Facebook and a lot of you ended up here as a result. Thanks for sticking around! I listed 7 things I've learned from watching "Sesame Street" and re-told my granddad's WW2 story on Veteran's Day. Then I interviewed romance writer Tess Mallory in a two-parter -- Tess and I "met" as a result of the Christian romance words post, and she's become a welcome addition to the commenting crowd. The cover for O Me of Little Faith (my next book) caused a stir thanks to the cover kid's bandaged nipples. We ended the month with two posts in which I invited (and received) feedback: What I Wish My Wife Knew about Fatherhood and What I Wish My Husband Knew about Motherhood.

December
Since we're only a couple weeks into December, there's no need to recap this month, except to say that my "not standing for Christmas" post about Focus on the Family's retailer-rating campaign was by far the biggest post ever on this blog. All kinds of traffic and new readers as a result, and if you're one of them, thanks for stopping by.

Now that my blog is really peaking, I'm getting ready to go dark for a Christmas break. I'll continue to post a couple more times this week, but after December 18 it's goodbye until the new year. I realize that this is probably a bad idea in terms of momentum and blog hits and all that stuff. But #1) I don't care, and #2) I need a break from the Internets. I'm trusting you'll come back. With O Me of Little Faith releasing and some other cool projects coming together, 2010 looks to be a great year. I'd love to travel it with you guys.

Until then, I'm grateful you've been with me up to this point. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing links, thank you for commenting and participating in the contests and discussions, and thank you for buying my books. I appreciate you.

The Year in Blogging, Part 1

Who's up for a year-in-review blog recap? OK, put your hands down. I've gained a lot of new readers in recent months, so this might be a great opportunity for you to find some of the stuff you may have missed.

Regular readers? Stay tuned until the end. It's your chance to give your own opinion about any of your best-loved or not-liked-at-all posts.

January
In January I shared my goals for the year and revealed why I tend to do a lot of fitness-related stuff. I was briefly interested in the fake novel being written by Fake Jason Boyett on Twitter (who was actually me and not some interloper, and who hasn't tweeted in months). I admitted the surprising things I have NOT done. I live-tweeted President Obama's inauguration and riffed on his "abundance of caution" misfire.

And I gave an overview of the books I have written (prior to the new Pocket Guides). If you are new to this site or my writing, follow that link. It's a good introduction.

February
I complained about Christians and the service industry, a post that got a fair number of agreeable comments. I gave in to the "25 Things About Me" Facebook meme, only I didn't do it on Facebook. I did it here. I discussed killing my babies as a writer. Then I got on a Jonathan Edwards kick, and this "Jonathan Edwards or Death Metal" quiz was one of my favorite posts of the year (Here are the answers). I waxed ineloquently about changing classic Star Wars quotes by inserting the word pants, as in "These aren't the pants you're looking for," then I took the same approach with lines from a classic Jonathan Edwards sermon. I re-posted about how a Baptist (me) began observing Lent.

March
I made the jump to full-time self-employment in March, which was a major leap for me in terms of my career. We celebrated Square Root Day, a nerd holiday. I pointed to an awesome video about the lack of quality breakfast foods in Heaven. I then pointed to my own video of me speaking about spiritual weakness, using an illustration that made its way into O Me of Little Faith. I confessed that, yes, I had just finished reading the entire Twilight series and, yes, I had enjoyed it. So there.

Then, on March 25, I posted about a Jesus painting that both mesmerized and confounded me: Please Explain This Christian Art. It led to charges of snobbery against me (guilty) and a great discussion about the purpose and practice of art. I am still getting comments today about this post...including one a couple months ago by the artist himself (Steven Sawyer). While I know some people have a problem with me questioning the "heart" or intent of a spiritually minded artist, I still think it's a goofy, clumsy painting. But perhaps I'm the wrong beholder of its beauty. Let's agree to disagree, people.

April
I asked "How important is your little toe?" What, if anything, would be worth its voluntary amputation? Got some interesting responses. I returned to Jonathan Edwards, mashing him up with the gentle humor of Family Circus. I explained book endorsements and interviewed Rabbi Josh about Birkat Ha-Chamah. I asked for ideas about a church that might have $20,000 extra a month to spend on its community. We asked God our big questions and I made 10 confessions. Then we had a great caption contest about an inspirational kitten.

May
I told a children's version of the Old Testament story of Ehud. It was not pretty. In the midst of the original swine flu frenzy, I presented 10 Stats More Important than Swine Flu. I pontificated about the glorification of Carrie Prejean and other bad Christian ideas. I introduced the Five-Sentence Scary Story Contest, one of my favorite contests to date. I quoted President Obama on faith and doubt, then went to LA to be interviewed about the apocalypse for a Mad Max DVD documentary extra.

June
I revealed my love for June (the month, as opposed to any human Junes). I got reviewed in Publisher's Weekly. I posted a scary Jehovah's Witness cartoon of Jesus destroying the world. I cannarf-reviewed Jesus, Interrupted by Bart Ehrman. I discovered that a photo of married American Idol winner Kris Allen was appearing in an ad for Christian singles on my site. I posted about a hilarious cosmetic line called Lookin' Good for Jesus. I repurposed a Slate contest and invited you to name your own toy-based summer movie. Then I interviewed myself for my own blog. Wasn't the first time I'd done that...and it won't be the last.

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Your turn: What was your favorite post of January-June 2009? Which post do I need to explain, apologize for, or completely retract?

Stay tuned next week for a blog recap of the rest of 2009.

T-shirt Promotion: Be Like Me

I'm not sure how to soften this with any measure of humility, so I'll just be blunt. My friends at Preemptive Love Coalition (the folks behind Buy Shoes, Save Lives) are doing a special t-shirt promotion called "Be Like Jason." It's entirely based around me and the t-shirt in the photo at right.

Um, what?

Many of my promotional photos feature me wearing a cool BSSL "Repeater" t-shirt. It's one of my favorite shirts that I own, due to the nice design. And the great fit. The fact that it supports a fantastic organization is icing on the cake.

So BSSL has decided to take advantage of that visibility with a Get-a-shirt-like-Jason's special. Here's the deal:

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You can get the BSSL Repeater Tee right now for $14.99. That's 25% off the usual price of around $20. It's a limited-time offer.

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Why should you buy this shirt?

1. It's a nice, soft fitted shirt with featuring sweet graphic design.

2. You've discovered it's no longer a good idea to strive to be like Tiger, and you need a new role model. Or at least a new fashion model. So you should be like me.

3. By buying a shirt, you're supporting a really great organization that helps little kids.

Why am I wearing a Buy Shoes, Save Lives shirt in my promotional photos anyway?

Here's the story: A couple of years ago, a church near Waco brought me in for a weekend to speak to their college students. That weekend I met Jeremy Courtney, a former member of that church who had moved to Iraq and started up a non-profit organization there called Buy Shoes, Save Lives. The crazy thing was that, upon meeting Jeremy, he introduced me to his wife, Jessica -- at which point I realized that I already knew Jessica Courtney. She was one of my little sister's best friends in high school.

Small world.

But a great connection was made, because I was fascinated with the work Jessica and Jeremy were doing in Iraq. To explain it briefly, the organization operates out of northern Iraq -- the Courtneys live there, with their kids -- where they export authentic Kurdish footwear in order to fund heart surgeries for Iraqi kids. These shoes are called klash, and they're completely handmade. I own a pair, and they make me look very cool. At least from the ankle down. (That's where it counts, anyway.)

I ended up writing a piece about BSSL for Relevant Magazine back in 2007.

Now known by the umbrella organization Preemptive Love Coalition, BSSL brings the realms of fashion, social justice, interfaith cooperation, combating childhood illness, and radical peacemaking together under a single umbrella. Buy selling the shoes and t-shirt, they can pay for surgeries for kids who have heart problems due to their parents' exposure to chemical attacks by Saddam Hussein back in the 1990s.

There are thousands of kids in Iraq waiting to have these surgeries. Jeremy's goal for 2010 is to fund surgeries for 90 kids. It takes a few thousand dollars to do this. Your purchase of a shirt, or shoes, or whatever else helps this cause. No one's making money on this: All profits from these sales go toward heart surgeries.

Please help me spread the word about this promotion, and go buy a shirt for yourself or a friend. Wear it on Christmas Eve. Stuff it in a stocking. Sport it in your publicity photos. Be like me.

Thanks.

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Note: Those publicity photos above are by my friend Kyle Trafton, who is also a friend of BSSL and does excellent work.

Unique Holiday Traditions

I've been in several discussions lately with friends about the importance of tradition when it comes to families and holidays. Unless your family traditions involve father-son fisticuffs and drunkenness, traditions are usually the kinds of things that bring people together, contribute to a sense of community and belonging, and make a family unique.

The best traditions accomplish all those things while also staying true to the inherent weirdness of most families. And all good families are a little weird. As an example, here are a couple of our family traditions.

1. The Thanksgiving Foot Race. This is a new tradition. This year, my brother and brother-in-law and I decided to compete in a family foot race. We put on our running shoes, shorts, and (in my brother's case) an old-school headband. We stepped out into the street in front of my house. My dad sounded the horn of his truck, and the three of us launched into a race from my house to my parents' house. The total distance is about two miles.

We're all reasonably fit. My brother has been training for a half-marathon. I race in sprint triathlons. My brother-in-law? He's in good shape, too, but doesn't run that much. We thought it would be a decent competition. But it turns out the brothe-in-law was a high school track star and, um, neglected to tell us that part of his personal history. We got toasted.

2. Brownie Pong. Every Christmas -- in fact, every holiday -- we look forward to multiple games of ping-pong with my grandfather, Brownie. He just turned 88 years old, but is spry enough still to beat me every other game (and occasionally more than that), and I'm marginally skilled at the pong. But every week throughout the year, Brownie goes to the local retirement center to play against some "young fellas" from Korea. These "young fellas"? They're in their early 70s. I'm guessing Brownie probably beats them, too. When I'm in my ninth decade, I sure hope to be humiliating my grandchildren at some competitive activity.

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So what are your weird holiday traditions? Please share.

Note: I'm calling these "holiday" traditions not in an attempt to be 14% offensive or whatever, but just so that you'll know it applies to all the major year-end holidays, including Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukkah, and New Year's. So there.

Rachel Held Evans: Live from Monkey Town

I like Rachel Held Evans for several reasons. First, she reads my blog, and has for awhile. Second, she's funny. I like funny. Third, we share a publisher -- she has a book coming out from Zondervan this summer. Fourth, we share a topic -- her upcoming book is about faith and doubt.

Fifth, her book has "monkey town" in the title, which is brilliant.

Rachel was kind enough to interview me about my upcoming book a couple of weeks ago. Today, in the name of publishing synergy (even though Zondervan didn't put us up to this, and probably doesn't even know about it), it's my turn to interview her. I think you'll enjoy Rachel's honesty, humor, and perspective.

Jason: I've got a book about doubt coming up. So do you. Both are from Zondervan. Based on what we've already discussed about my book, how do you think our two books will differ?

Rachel: Oh, I just figure it’s some oversight on Zondervan’s part and we’ve essentially written the same book. Here’s how I see it shaping up in terms of sales:

1. I managed to work the word “monkey” into my title (1 point for Rachel). You managed to land a cute kid with nipple bandages on your cover (1 point for Jason).

2. O Me of Little Faith comes out in May, when people are assembling ambitious summer reading lists (3 points for Jason). Evolving in Monkey Town comes out in July, when people have abandoned their ambitious reading lists in favor of beating “Through the Fire and Flames” on Guitar Hero (-1 point for Rachel).

3. The subtitle of my book is “How a Girl Who Knew All the Answers Learned to Ask the Questions” and reflects my recent journey from being an apologetics-crazed know-it-all to being a person of faith who doubts (1 point for Rachel for drama). The subtitle of your book is “True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling” and seems to reflect a lifetime of learning to harmonize faith and doubt (2 points for Jason for wisdom).

4. You’ve already published several books and have a devoted fan base (2 points for Jason). My name forms a complete sentence (1 point for Rachel Held Evans).

5. Your book is written from a male perspective (1 point for Jason). My book is written from a female perspective (37 points for Rachel).

And so, with a 30-point margin over you, I’m feeling pretty good at this point

That's some impeccable reasoning right there. Makes perfect sense to me. So, your bio describes you as "a writer, skeptic, and Christ-follower." I love when people describe themselves as skeptics, especially Christians. About what things are you a skeptic?

I’m skeptical of easy answers to tough questions. I’m skeptical of people who default to “God’s mysterious ways” every time I bring up an issue that makes them uncomfortable. I’m skeptical of pastors and politicians who claim that God wants whatever they want. I’m skeptical of systematic theology.

The Scopes Monkey Trial theme runs throughout your website and seems to be central to your book. (For those who don't know, Rachel is from Dayton, Tennesse, home of the famed trial.) How big of a role does evolution and living in the shadow of Scopes play in your doubts or questions about faith? Or am I being too analytical about this, and you just really like monkeys?

Actually, monkeys kind of freak me out, with their human-like qualities and ability to rip people’s faces off and all. But my book and blog focus a lot on confronting fears, so I suppose it’s appropriate that they’re climbing all over everything.

Dayton is a tough environment in which to have doubts. Located in the buckle of the Bible Belt, it remains a conservative Christian stronghold. Around here, there is a common assumption that one must choose between believing the Bible and believing in evolution, that you cannot be a Christian and also accept an old-earth paradigm. This false dichotomy caused some trouble as I got older and began looking into the science behind evolution. I felt as though I had to choose between my intellectual integrity and my faith. Fortunately, my faith survived, and it survived by adapting to change—hence, the title Evolving in Monkey Town.

Let's talk about that. Your book concludes that, in a postmodern culture, faith has to adapt and evolve. This idea makes certain religious people pretty uncomfortable. How did you come to this conclusion and what might this religious evolution look like?

I’m glad you asked this question! I think that if you look at the history of the Church, a pattern of challenge and change definitely emerges. Over time, it’s easy for Christianity to get a little top-heavy, weighed down by a bunch of false fundamentals that have crept into the faith. And I think that cultural change has a way of prying some of these false fundamentals from our hands. Whether the challenge comes from a telescope, a search engine, or 95-theses nailed to a door—Christianity has a curious way of adapting and evolving. Of course, it’s always nice when this can happen without any book-burning or people-burning in the process.

I’m not exactly sure what kinds of questions will emerge from this postmodern environment, but I have a feeling that over the next hundred years, Christians will be forced to confront some of our assumptions about Scirpture, creation, religious pluralism, certainty, and truth. This used to scare me. But it doesn’t really anymore, because I’m convinced that God gave the Church the most important survival skill of all—the ability to adapt to change. Somehow, the most important stuff always manages to survive.

One thing potential writers always want to ask published authors is "How did you get your first book contract?" Since Evolving in Monkey Town is your first book, how did you land it?

I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Believe it or not, I actually dressed up like one for career day in third grade. (I wore oversized glasses, stuck a pencil above my ear, and carried a legal pad around all day.) I’d had this idea for a book for a few years, and my husband encouraged me to go ahead and write a proposal. I pitched the proposal to agents in the spring of 2008, and was picked up by Rachelle Gardner. Within a few months I’d signed a contract with Zondervan. I feel really blessed/lucky/fortunate that things have gone so smoothly. (Never sure which of those words to use for this sort of thing.)

You should use "blessed," because it sounds more spiritual. Now I'd like to ask you a few of the same questions you asked me. Why do you think it is important for Christians to talk openly about their doubts?

I think it’s important that Christians create communities in which people are free to ask questions, because I believe God is big enough to handle those questions. When we keep our doubts secret, when we sweep them under the rug or struggle through them in isolation, we buy into the lie that faith is a fragile and weak thing, too flimsy to stand up to challenge and change.

In fact, I’m convinced that serious doubt, the kind that leads to despair, does not begin when we start asking God questions but when, out of fear, we stop.

As you’ve blogged about your own doubts and discussed the book, have you found yourself meeting other folks who are eager to talk about theirs? What have you learned from them? Have you picked up on any common themes?

You ask such excellent questions, Jason. :-)

It’s been such an encouragement for me to meet other people asking similar questions and wrestling with similar doubts. It’s always good to know that you’re not alone. As far as common themes, I talk to a lot of people who are struggling with questions about religious pluralism, heaven and hell, science and faith issues, evil, and hypocrisy within the church. One thing I have learned is that, like me, most people aren’t looking for comprehensive, black-and-white answers, but rather a community in which they feel safe asking tough questions. I think that twenty-somethings in particular are much more willing to accept nuance and shades-of-gray than previous generations.

Are there certain situations/questions/theological positions that trigger your doubts? Do you find that it is best to avoid such situations/questions/theological positions or to confront and explore the doubts that they trigger?

Actually, my first "faith crisis” was triggered by one image. It happened in 2001, when I was a junior in college. I was watching a documentary called “Behind the Veil,” which depicted the oppression of women under the rule of the Taliban. The documentary climaxed with the undercover footage of a burka-clad woman being publicly executed in a soccer stadium. As I watched this woman’s body collapse to the ground, I started asking myself questions I’d never asked before: Why would God allow something like this to happen? Did He ordain this to happen? Would this woman go to hell for being a Muslim in a predominantly Muslim country? Did she even know the name of Jesus? Why would God provide me with a good home, good friends, an expensive Christian education, and double-stuffed Oreos, while millions of people suffer every day because they don’t have enough food to eat, many without access to the gospel? Isn’t one’s faith primarily determined by geography? Is God fair? Is God good? Is God real?

So for me, triggers usually have to do with questions surrounding God’s goodness, religious pluralism, or the presence of evil in the world. In my book, I write about how a lot of Christians told me that my compassion was a liability, that I had to stop worrying about other people and just be thankful for my own salvation and my own blessings in life. Needless to say, this only made things worse.

Hang on. Someone actually told you your compassion was "a liability"? Are you serious?

One friend put it this way: He said I had "adopted a secular humanist worldview by assuming that all people have a 'right' to salvation." He said I didn't take sin seriously enough, and that my questions about religious pluralism, heaven, and hell reflected a lack of gratitude that could hurt my relationship with God.

Now, I've known a lot of wonderful Calvinists through the years, but during this particular time of doubt, I encountered some rather passionate ones (like this friend) who insisted that my questions could easily be resolved if I would only accept the truth that some people -- in fact, most people -- were simply predestined for damnation. They said that the reprobate receive the punishment that we all deserve and that to assume they were entitled to anything else reflected an attitude of arrogance and pride.

This made things worse because I had a lot of trouble swallowing the idea that God creates disposable people, that He creates people who are beyond all hope. It seemed cruel, even sadistic, to me. I don't really fault my friends for trying to help, but I think I encountered neo-Calvinism at the worst possible time. I've since done some homework (and spent some time in reflection and prayer) and am pretty convinced that God does not create hopeless people after all. I'm much more optimistic these days about the scope of His mercy

Me, too, Rachel. But enough talk about damnation. It's time for me to ask you the same inane questions you asked me. What is your favorite word?

Whisper

What is your least favorite word?

Underwhelmed

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?

Live music, poetry, people-watching, long conversations with friends, caffeinated beverages

What turns you off?

Arguments over politics...even when I start them.

What is your favorite curse word?

The s-word. (I'd write it out, but I'm not sure what your profanity policy is.)

I'd let you write it out, but my mom reads my blog. What sound or noise do you love?

Little kids giggling

What sound or noise do you hate?

Alarm clock

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I think I'd be a good florist. I'm a sucker for roses.

What profession would you not like to do?

Elementary school teacher. (I like kids, but not that much.)

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

(Like you, Jason, I’m not convinced that there will be Pearly Gates at which we arrive, but it’s still a fun question.) I hope God says, “See, love wins after all. Well done—you never gave up hope.”

In a battle between a monkey riding an alligator and a monkey riding a shark, which duo would win? Qualifiers: the shark and gator are identical sizes, as are the monkeys. And the monkeys can't use weapons.

After consulting the experts (three kids under the age of six), I’ve reached a consensus. All three considered the monkeys inconsequential to the outcome, and all three picked the alligator, because of its long mouth and because it is green.

Huh. I would have gone with the shark, for one reason: feeding frenzy. Obviously your adolescent consultants failed to take this into account (30 points for Jason). Now we're even.

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Thanks for the interview, Rachel, and best of luck with your book!

Pre-order Evolving in Monkey Town, and as long as you're there, pre-order O Me of Little Faith, too. It's a doubt twofer!

RSA9CY97WYK6

Rant: Not "Standing" for Christmas

So yesterday I spent a lot of my day being annoyed with Focus on the Family. I have mixed feelings about them as an organization. Through publications like Boundless and the now-defunct TrueU (I have written for both), they provide thoughtful resources for young Christians. Founder James Dobson got his start as a counselor giving advice to families, and you know what? As a parent, I think he gives pretty good advice. I even quote him, favorably, in my upcoming revision to Guy's Guide to Life.

Focus on the Family does OK when they actually, you know, focus on the family. But I absolutely do not like when Focus on the Family gets focused on things like politics and culture wars, because inevitably they get sidetracked. Non-issues become super-important. Big issues get lost.

Case in point: the war on Christmas. I feel a rant coming on.

FotF wants us to "Stand for Christmas" by taking part in a rate-a-retailer campaign they've devised in order to convince retailers that they need to keep Christ in Christmas. Their stated point is "to assist you, the consumer" in making a wise decision about where you spend your Christmas money. Because as the Bible says, we should only shop at Christian retailers who say the word "Christmas." (Wait...the Bible doesn't say that? What?!?)

So they list a bunch of retail chains, and you can rate their Christmasy-ness based on whether or not their signage and catalogs say "Merry Christmas!" (Good!) or "Happy Holidays!" (Evil!), and whether they feature religious decorations (mangers, angels) or generic holiday decor (snowmen).

The result? According to their "up-to-the-second" ratings, Banana Republic is 83% offensive to Christians (apparently BR employees are instructed not to say "Christmas"). Old Navy is 58% offensive, probably based on interactions like this posted one: They had the store looking very nice but I did not hear any Christmas music! When I said "Merry Christmas" the employee responded with "Happy Holidays." I then said no "Merry Christmas" and he just walked away!!!

(I would walk away from you, too, if you replied to my seasonal greeting with rudeness.)

Kohl's, however, is only 4% offensive. Because its cashiers have been known to say "Merry Christmas."

I am offended. I'm not terribly offended by Banana Republic or Old Navy. I'm not even 4 percent offended by Kohl's. I am offended at the idea of a Christian group rating secular stores on how much they embrace Christmas. Why? Let me count the ways.

1. It offends me logically. Old Navy is a clothing store. It is a secular retailer. It is not a Christian store. Why are we concerned that secular retailers are not exhibiting religious behavior? They are not a religious entity. They are trying to attract customers -- as many customers as possible, some of whom are not religious. It's like the local mosque being offended because I, a Christian, am not praying five times a day toward Mecca. It's like me being offended that my dog doesn't type very well. He's a DOG. He's not supposed to be typing.

2. It offends me historically. The whole "taking Christ out of Christmas" thing sorta loses flavor for me when you look at the history of Christmas. For at least the first couple centuries of Christianity, the Church didn't celebrate Christ's birth. There WAS NO Christmas. Christ's resurrection was a huge commemoration, but no one gave any thought to noting (much less celebrating) his birth.

That is, until Constantine needed to legitimize Christianity in Roman society in the 3rd century. One of the ways he did it was by injecting Jesus into Saturnalia, the popular Roman winter solstice festival. That way the Romans could keep their major holiday and the Church could get some religious mileage out of it, too. Should we boycott stores that "Take Christ out of Christmas" by watering down the holiday? Only if we're OK with Roman pagans picketing us because we watered down Saturnalia by mixing it with Jesus. (And don't get me started on all the other Christmas traditions -- gifts, mistletoe, trees -- that have pagan origins. Are they bad? No. But they're not originally Christian. We don't own them.)

3. It offends me socially. You know what kind of retailer rating I'd like to see? I'd like to see one that rates them based on how they treat people. Like, do they use sweatshop labor? Is their clothing made by nine-year-olds in the Philippines? How do they treat their employees here? I could care less about what they say at the check-out stand or what signs they display. What's more important to me is what they do. It occurs to me that Jesus made this very distinction in taking offense at the Pharisees -- he condemned them for hiding their evil behind nice, clean appearances. Based on the logic of this campaign, it doesn't matter if a company exploits their workers. What matters is whether or not the catalogs say "Christmas" on the cover. A Jesus who cared about taking a stand for Christmas today would have to be a Jesus who, in the Bible, praised the Pharisees for advertising their ritual cleanliness while neglecting widows and orphans. If you find that Jesus in the Bible, let me know, because I can't.

4. It offends me morally. What about consumerism and greed? That doesn't come into question at all in this campaign. Stand for Christmas isn't telling you to spend less this Christmas. It's not telling you to stand against culture by curbing your materialistic tendencies. It's not telling you to focus less on getting and more on giving, which I think should be a pretty big part of the Christian holiday message. No...it's telling you to keep on being a consumer, as long as you're consuming from the proper Jesus-confirmed sources.

5. It offends my sense of consistency. You know what would be interesting? Instead of rating secular stores on how secular they are -- which is stupid (see #1) -- what if we rated churches on how secular they've become? How much do they talk about Jesus, versus how much they talk about Gospel-free subjects like living a Joel Osteen-approved "best life now" or claiming one's financial blessings? How much of their resources do they spend on the poor, versus how much they spend on lighting and media? Forget the secularization of Christmas. What about the secularization of Christianity the rest of the year?

If I think hard enough, I can probably come up with a few more reasons. But I'm tired of thinking about the subject because it's just so dumb. It's not that I hate Christmas. I love Christmas. I love the idea of the incarnation and what it means. I also love the ideas of the Santa Claus tradition (which actually does have its foundations in Christianity) and trees with twinkly lights and peace on earth and goodwill toward men. And I love to give and receive gifts. It's just that I think the outrage about the Christian-ness of Christmas is silly and misguided.

If we really are in a culture war, then "happy holidays" outrage is like finding a wounded soldier out on the battlefield. He's lost his left arm. He's in shock. He's bleeding out from a mangled shoulder stump. But what catches our attention is -- oh, no! -- a paper cut on his right arm! We've got to take care of THAT! A war is waging! So we devote all our attention to that paper cut. We mess around calling for help and slapping band-aids on the paper cut and warning others against similar paper-cut injuries. We wail and scream about this terrible war that has caused such paper-cut tragedies. We're busy! We're helping! We're making a difference!

Meanwhile, there are other, more important things to think about. Like the bloody stump, which probably should have our attention. Don't you think?

Let's worry about the big stuff. Rant over. Happy holidays!

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Notes:

• H/T to my buddy Ken Grant, for enraging me by pointing me toward the FotF site. He has a great post at his blog called "I Really Don't Like Christmas."

• A great resource against the consumerization of Christmas in churches (and everywhere else) is Advent Conspiracy. Love what they do and what they're about.

• Update: My friend Kevin Hendricks has a similar post, which I should have read before saying pretty much the same thing here.

Celestial Soul Portraits

First, please look at this photo:



I know what you're thinking: Can this photo even be improved? Clearly it is awesome already, what with the guy's mullet perm, floppy hippie shirt, super-masculine power violin stance, and absence of feet. Also there's the fact that he's clearly playing his weird little violin in a barnyard.

This photo is already perfect on so many levels.

But what you don't know is that it can be better. SO much better. For starters, let's take the guy out of the barnyard and put him in a tropical rain forest. Then let's put not one but two halos on his head, because he's more than saintly. He's bi-saintly. Also, that baggy shirt is a little dreary, don't you think? Let's make it glow in the dark.

AND, instead of playing and power-stancing in front an empty field of clover, let's pretend he's playing to a translucent fairy. Or that a translucent fairy is coming into creation by the sheer majesty of his music. Or something.

Let's do those things, because doing those things will make the photo a whole lot more interesting. See?



Sweet Noah's rainbow, that is one freaky portrait. But an artist named Erial Ali will gladly take your dull, uninteresting portrait and give it the fairy rainbow treatment in order to capture the essence of your celestial soul. They are called, appropriately enough, Celestial Soul Portraits, and you can see more Celestial Soul Portraits right here.

The artist makes these "soul portraits," by the way, after "tuning into you" in order to "get your unique essence."

Apparently, some subjects' unique essence involves laser beams erupting from their foreheads, or the presence of mystical light-emitting scepters. I am not making this up. Please visit this site so you can see them for yourself. You will owe me one.

Disclaimer: I always get in trouble when I make fun of art. Art is subjective, I know.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I know.

Don't mock the authentic expression of someone's heart, I know.

Snark is not becoming of you, I know.

But I am just a man. My inner discipline only goes so far. Any time your heart expresses itself via a business that involves Photoshopping trippy rainbows and fairies into photographs -- and you call this somehow spiritual product "soul portraits" -- then you are just asking for trouble.

If, by "trouble," you mean "mockery."

Now, please excuse me. I need to go out in the clover field to summon my personal fairy by playing my harmonica, and my Yanni shirt is at the cleaners.

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(H/T to Nate for knowing me so well he felt compelled to send me this link.)

The Christmas Best and Worst List

It's the first day of December, so I thought I'd make a Christmas best and worst list. Because people like lists, and because I am people.

Best Traditional Christmas Carol:
O Little Town of Bethlehem

Beautiful melody and lovely lyrics without any dumb "sweet baby Jesus doesn't even cry" ideas (see below). Second place goes to "O Holy Night," for being in 3/4 time and for the emotionally resonant transition to the "Fall on your knees" chorus.

Worst Traditional Christmas Carol:
Away in a Manger

Has to be the sappiest Jesus song ever. "Little Lord Jesus no crying he makes"? Please. "Look down from the sky"? Probably not, unless Jesus is ballooning. Bad theology all around.

Best New Christmas Song:
Babe in the Straw

I prefer the original version by Derri Daugherty, Steve Hindalong, and Riki Michele from the Noel album (as opposed to subsequent versions by Leigh Nash or Caedmon's Call). Sidenote: of all the songs in the world, I have performed/sung/played this one the most in front of people.

Worst New(ish) Christmas Song:
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

This isn't that new -- it was first written and recorded by Brenda Lee in 1958. But why has this become the go-to upbeat song on Christmas albums? Is it because it has "rockin'" in the title? So annoying. But it ends up on pretty much every Christmas album. Thanks, Brenda Lee.

Best Nativity Set:
Playmobil Nativity Set



My family has this (that's ours in the photo above). I loved Playmobil stuff when I was a kid, even though they weren't as poseable as Star Wars figurines. My kids still play with this nativity scene, by the way, and there have been times when Darth Vader has shown up lurking behind the Wise Men. It all turns out OK, though, because Yoda can hide behind the manger.

Worst Nativity Set:
Any Nativity Made of Snowmen



Look, I understand that snowmen are cute and seasonal and stuff. But a carrot-nosed Baby Jesus who might melt come March is the worst kind of savior.

Best Holiday Special:
The Charlie Brown Christmas Special

I've shared my love for this holiday classic before. From the mystical group hand-waving that turns a scrawny tree into a beautifully decorated masterpiece, to the direct recital of the Christmas story from Luke 2, there's no contest between this show and any others.

Worst Holiday Special:
He-Man and She-ra: A Christmas Special (1985)

Apparently I missed this special, but if it was anything like the cartoon TV series, it was awesomely cheesy, had homosexual undertones, and featured a character named "Man-at-Arms."

Best Christmas Color:
Red

I think this is an obvious choice.

Worst Christmas Color:
Green

Clearly.

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Your turn. What's on your best and worst Christmas lists? Notice I've left out Best Christmas Movie and Worst Christmas Movie. I know you've got some opinions there.