I Am Thankful

I am thankful.

I am thankful for my own good health and good friends, and for my wife's good health and good friends, and for my kids' continued good health and good friends.

I am thankful for ground Sumatra coffee from Starbucks.

I am thankful for blog readers and Twitter followers and for a place to make too-honest confessions and write about what I like. (Thank you for reading, btw.)

I am thankful for good conversations with new Internet friends, whether they are romance novelists, atheists, professional subtitlers or, well, myself.

I am thankful for the churches, non-profits, retirement centers, banks, and clothiers that continue to hire me out so I can pay the bills.

I am thankful for long outside runs, even into a steady north wind, because it reminds me that my legs work, and I'm healthy, and I'm alive.

I am thankful that both of my children like to play Scrabble.

I am thankful that Owen always wants me to play basketball with him, and that Ellie keeps asking when she can read the children's novel I started writing.

I am thankful for my wife's chocolate chip cookies, which are the best in the western hemisphere and have insane fans on both the west and east coasts of the United States, and in Colorado, too.

I am thankful I get to spend this weekend with my four grandparents, all of which are still living and active and one of which still defeats me on a regular basis in ping-pong, despite being 87 years old.

I am thankful for bloggers/writers like Rachel Held Evans and singer/songwriters like Shellee Coley who are doing excellent work on the subject of spiritual doubt. (If you haven't seen it yet, here's an interview with me at Rachel's blog. I intend to interview her sometime soon. Watch for it.)

I am thankful for The Amazing Race, Storm Chasers, How I Met Your Mother, Castle, and the impending returns of Burn Notice and Chuck. Oh, and Lost, too.

I am thankful that my wife is not especially interested in doing any shopping on the day after Thanksgiving, because she is cool that way. And because she is also cool in the way in which our Christmas shopping is already done, thanks to her.

I am thankful that after spending most of the 1990s hoping that someday I'd get to write books, I have spent most of the 2000s writing books.

I am thankful for readers.

I am thankful for you.

I am thankful for grace.

---------------

I'm going dark. Blog silence until after Thanksgiving weekend. Have a great holiday and I'll see you next week.

What I Wish My Husband Knew about Motherhood

On Wednesday I asked for feedback from guys for a magazine article I'm writing. The topic: What I Wish My Wife Knew about Fatherhood. There have been some really insightful things mentioned so far in the comments to that post. I appreciate all of you who have taken the time to contribute honestly about some of these issues. It's very helpful to me personally and pretty eye-opening, I think, for both husbands AND wives.

The piece I'm writing is only from the husband's perspective, but this is an equal opportunity blog and I know I have plenty of female readers. So to keep things balanced -- and because I think this is a fascinating topic -- I want to turn the tables today.

Wives, it's your turn: What do you wish your husband knew about being a mom?

The guys' comments covered topics from fear/anxiety about child-raising, the struggles of "competitive" parenting, and the delicate dance of who initiates the couple's sex life. Feel free to comment on any of these issues or bring up something entirely new. Because I am absolutely certain there are things women go through that we guys are completely in the dark about.

Fill us in, please, and let's have another great discussion. Like the previous post, feel free to comment anonymously if that makes you more comfortable.

What I Wish My Wife Knew About Fatherhood

Feedback time. I'm working on an article assignment for a Christian magazine. (I'm going to keep it nameless right now, because some of the content might end up being anonymous.)

The working title of the article is "What I Wish My Wife Knew About Fatherhood." It will discuss some of the problems and pressures husbands don't feel they can honestly communicate with their wives. Things related to parenting, sex, emotions, interests, job struggles, etc.

Here's an example: "I wish my wife would handle some of the discipline. When our kids keep hearing 'Just wait until your dad comes home!' it makes me into the bad guy."

Instead of just coming up with my own list, but I thought it might work better to make this a community project. Parts of this might be sorta personal, so don't hesitate to comment anonymously if you want.

Guys, please let me know what you wish your wife knew about being a dad. Wives, feel free to join in the discussion, too. Let's have a conversation.

O Me of Little Faith Cover Art

And here's the cover art of my next book, from Zondervan. It releases officially in May 2010.

Answers to unasked questions:

1. Yes, he has bandages on his nipples.

2. No, I don't know why. But I assume Christian bookstores might not want some skinny shirtless kid on full display next to Joel Osteen's grinning face. So they fixed it with nipple bandages. Or as they call them in the industry, "dimmers."

Update from Zondervan design team: The kid was running a kids marathon in Grand Rapids. Seriously. The bandages are to prevent chafing. You can see the original photo by photographer Steven Wohlwender at this website. It's #20 (the marathon bib got Photoshopped out). In related news, I so need to meet this scrawny marathon kid.

3. No, that's not me. (I have blond hair.)

4. Yes, I would be glad to excerpt the opening lines of the book. Here they are...

-----------------

I am a Christian. I have been a Christian for most of my life. But there are times--a growing number of times, to be honest--when I’m not entirely sure I believe in God.

There. I said it.

So now you know, and we can both relax and talk about it. Confessing the presence of spiritual uncertainty in my life is a relief. I can breathe easier now because I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to hide my conflicted feelings when we talk about Jesus and the Bible. I don’t have to feel like a jerk if you, or anyone else, look to me as some kind of spiritual expert or teacher. I don’t have to tiptoe around the word most of us hesitate to use in church or around Christian friends because it freaks us out so much.

Doubt.

Now that it’s out in the open, I can strip off my happy Christian mask, climb down from whatever pedestal I’ve hoisted myself upon, and be who I really am: a committed follower of Jesus who occasionally finds himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, we’ve made this whole thing up...

-----------------

You can read more about O Me of Little Faith at the Zondervan website, or if you are so inclined, you can pre-order it right this very moment at Amazon. If you are so inclined? Thank you.

The Return of Fake Band Shirts

In the top navigational bar, you'll see a link to FakeBandShirts.com, a little t-shirt site I launched a couple years ago. It sells only four t-shirt designs, each of which I created and each of which are the logos of fake bands with awesome fake names. Because, in my opinion, hipsters like to own gear from obscure bands, and you can't get more obscure than not existing.

It's a brilliant concept, if I do say so myself. And I do. Often.

Because of the way I set up my initial store with my supplier/distributor, I was having to sell the shirts at more than $20 in order to make any profit. That's too expensive. So I shut down that store in January and have been sitting on the shirts ever since. (Not literally, because that would be totally weird, and after a few weeks, quite unsanitary.) The shirts have been boxed up in my closet.

But not any more. The box is open! I simplified everything and am now selling Fake Band Shirts again through Big Cartel, which means you can now buy the shirts using your PayPal account (or credit card) and you can save a lot of money: each shirt is just $15.99, plus shipping. Just in time for Christmas!

Anyway, I wanted to let you know. This is a limited offer because honestly I don't have a whole lot of shirts left, and I'm not sure if I want to reprint them. But I do want to sell the ones I have, and I want you to buy them. Because I like you.

Interview with Tess Mallory (Part 2)

Here's Part 2 of my interview with romance writer Tess Mallory, who has written several time-travel romances and, over the past couple weeks, has become a frequent commenter on this blog. That's Tess below, with her granddaughter.

Read Part 1 of the interview here. Below, in Part 2, Tess talks about cheeseball romance cover art, the detrimental restrictions placed on writers of Christian romance novels, and spills the beans about writing sex scenes.

Are you hooked yet? You should be.

JB: Do you ever deal with--for lack of a better word--"snobbery" from other writers who might view genre fiction as somehow lesser than other types of writing?

Tess Mallory: I must smile. OH, YEAH! In spite of romances hitting the NYT Bestsellers list with frequent regularity, because of the leftover stigma that comes from the stereotypical view of romances, romance authors must face the fact that “We don’t get no respect.” Male science-fiction writers seem to have the most disdain for us, which makes me very sad, since I love SF, and consider my books action-adventure SF novels which just happen to be romances as well.

What really upsets me sometimes is that I often get treated--to my face--like a dim-witted dum-dum. Without sounding arrogant, I want to assure you that I’m not. I spend vast amounts of time researching historical data to make sure I get details correct. I could probably have a doctorate in Scottish history by now if I had just stayed in school instead of following my heart. So there. I’m not dumb, though I am sometimes blonde.

I want to know about the stereotypical cheesecake romance-novel cover art. How do you really feel about it? What do we NOT know about it?

Well . . . I don’t know many romance authors who like the cheesecake covers, but in our business, we have learned to be happy if we get pretty covers with people on them who actually look like people and not gargoyles. Not that we get any say in the matter. The covers of our books are TOTALLY chosen and created by the publishing house and their art department. They follow the trends of book buyers and retail buyers, and probably focus groups at the mall -- not the opinions of authors. Apparently for many years, heterosexual mall-shopping women liked to buy books with scantily clad women on the cover, but now The Powers That Be have decided women like to buy books with scantily clad men on the cover, which is a little closer to the truth.

My publisher is kind enough to let me fill out a little questionnaire that hopefully ensures the person on the cover has the correct hair color and that his/her clothing is appropriate to the time period in which the story is set. Many of my covers have been pretty, but one was absolutely beautiful--a gorgeous redheaded woman in a medieval gown superimposed against the dark background of a Scottish castle. It was mysterious and intriguing. The colors were rich, beautiful, and the whole thing was the epitome of class! If only I hadn’t named the book Highland Fling. Kind of ruined the effect.

As a Christian, what is most challenging about your career/industry?

I think my biggest challenge is in knowing that a lot of Christians judge me for what I write. This makes me very sad at times. But I believe God opened this door for me, and has used my books to connect me with people all over the world (Yay, Internet!). The emails I receive from my readers are heartwarming, and sometimes heartbreaking. Knowing that I have given an invalid woman in Pennsylvania a smile with one of my books is a great blessing to me. Knowing that a woman who just lost her husband was reminded of him by the hero in one of my books and felt closer to him because of it--that makes me cry. Also, through these emails and letters, I’ve been given the opportunity to share my faith with a great many of my readers, and that has been pretty darn awesome! (Can I say ‘darn’?)

Every romance writer handles the “love” in her books differently. For me, I’m happy to say that the couples in my books are in love, in a committed, monogamous relationship with one another, never cheat on one another, and never betray one another. Sometimes they are dumb, sometimes they are smart, but they always grow as a couple, and as individuals during the course of the book. I don’t pretend that I’m writing instructions for brain surgery here, but I do know that there is value in what I do. My books are humorous, intelligent, and always leave the reader feeling encouraged and uplifted.

I know what you want to ask: “But do they have sex?”

That's EXACTLY what I wanted to ask.

Yes, they usually have sex. Let the stoning commence.

Not being without sin, I'll have to put my rock down. Is it hard to write the sex scenes?

In the romance world they are called love scenes, because the focus is not on the sex, but the relationship between the two people. Having said that, love scenes are always hard for me to write. Not because I’m a Christian, but because it’s hard to write a love scene that isn’t, well, awkward. There is a fine balance between the emotion and the physicality of the scene when you try to describe lovemaking, and it’s difficult to achieve.

But when people ask that, you know they're asking, "Is it hard for you AS A CHRISTIAN to write the sex scenes?" Because obviously Christians aren't supposed to do that kind of thing. Right?

Yes. The real question is: How can you be a Christian and write love scenes in your books? Are you really a Christian? Do you really even believe in the Bible and God and Jesus?

Well…yeah.

How do you answer them?

I’m not sure how to explain it. I’ve never had a problem with writing love scenes because of my beliefs, and I’ve never felt like I was on God’s naughty list because I wrote them. I do know it causes other Christians to make certain judgments about me, and that does bother me. I guess I look at it like this: This is fiction and my readers are adult women. I have enough respect for these women not to worry that one of my books is going to cause them to have premarital sex. I don’t think I have that kind of power over their lives.

I will admit--my love scenes are considered pretty tame in the overall scheme of romances. Although many romance writers want their books to be known for the sizzling hotness of their love scenes, I want mine to be known for the adventure, humor, history, romance, and fun they contain. And good writing, I hope!

I'm guessing you get asked pretty frequently why you just don't write Christian romances. What's your usual answer to that? (Based on your reaction to my "naughty words" post earlier, I think I know.)

Now when I’m confronted with this question, I can refer them to your blog, Jason, and the “guidelines” set forth by certain organizations, which effectively condemn Christian romances to a life more unreal than any science fiction or fantasy ever written. The reason I don’t write Christian romances is that I don’t see the point. Here’s the deal: The people in these books are apparently perfect. They never curse, they never envy, they never lust, they never make love, in OR out of marriage, and worst of all--they never struggle with, well, much of anything outside of some evil non-Christian stalking them or doing other unchristian activities. I have a problem with this.

I know for a fact that all Christians struggle with stuff. With life, with family, with relationships and even--yes--even their faith at times. Belief in Jesus is not a giant bandage for our lives, because unfortunately, we’re still human. We still struggle, but we have that perfect Hope to sustain us. But in these books, there is nothing to struggle against, because these people don’t sin. They are cardboard characters, and that’s all they can be, because of the restrictions placed on the writers.

I know that the purpose of Christian romances is to give women books to read that are “clean,” which means devoid of any of the realities of life. Sort of like a Disney cartoon.

It's not just about the absence of love scenes, then.

It's about much more than the attitudes and restrictions about sex in the books--I promise! I am talking about this sanitized version, if you will, of Christian life. This need for Christian characters to wear a mask of piety. Do we really have to do this? Even in a book written for Christians?

Sorry. I feel passionately about this. (Is it okay if I say "passionately"?)

Yes. This is a safe place for such strong language.

Wouldn’t a Christian romance mean more if a character was searching for something--faith, morals, the love they lost when they lost their faith, answers to prayer, a need to find a mate, need to have a child when infertile? There are sooooo many awesome possibilities, but the restrictions of The Powers That Be (and I don’t mean God) prevent this from happening.

Please note, I am in no way criticizing the women who write Christian romances. I am criticizing the restrictions imposed upon these women who only want to serve God with their writing.

In one of my books, one of my characters talked about the relationship of Christ and the Church and how it relates to marriage! If a secular romance editor can allow that, it really makes me wonder about the restrictions on Christian romances. What are TPTB afraid of, really?

I’m happy to say, however, that the hero and heroine in the proposal I’m currently working on are married at the beginning of the book. So now everyone can enjoy their love scenes and not feel guilty about it.

No? Aw, gosh darn it. (Can I say "gosh darn it"?)

No. You can't say that. I have to draw the line somewhere. Just a couple more questions. What are your writing habits?

Arrgh. I feared you would ask this. I currently have TERRIBLE writing habits. I used to be a “write everyday” girl, and I tell my students in my workshops to do this. It is truly the best way to get a book written in a timely manner, and also, I think, the ONLY way to refine and polish your skills. Life has interrupted my once daily routine in a variety of ways that I won’t go into, but Stuff Happens, and a writer has to learn to work in spite of Stuff. I am just now, after a few years of Stuff Happening, getting back into a routine of writing some--even a hundred words--every day. So the answer to your question is, I’m in the process of relearning some good old habits!

Who are your favorite authors (any genre) and why?

My favorite author right now is Donald Miller, and I’m not just saying that because this is a Christian website. I love his work. I love his sincerity and his realness. Searching For God Knows What is beautiful and renewed my longing to write Christian fiction and nonfiction in a real and meaningful way. I also like that guy, Jason Boyett’s blog, and want to read his books.

(Blush.) Your taste is impeccable.

Some of my all time favorites include Isaac Asimov, Margaret Weis, Jennifer Crusie, and of course, Grace Livingston Hill. I’ve read the Twilight books too, Jason. I enjoyed them. J.K. Rowling will always be an inspiration to me, as will C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and Madeline L’Engle. Recently, I’ve read fun books by Rosemary Clement-Moore, Julie Kenner, and Cat Adams. I’m currently reading Green by Christian novelist Ted Dekker. I have a question though -- why does he get to say "whore" in his books, but Christian romances can’t say "darn"?

Clearly he has a special dispensation for that sort of thing. What's next for you, writing-wise? What are you working on now?

Right now I’m working on a proposal for my next time travel romance for Berkley (Penguin/Putnam) Books and the last in my Highland trilogy. Side note: My last five books have had the word “Highland” in the title to let the buyer know right off the bat that this book takes place in Scotland, a very popular setting. The first two in this series were Highland Rogue and Highland Rebel and I’m trying to think of the title for the third. I’ve finally settled on the working title of Highland Mackerel but it’s making my agent a little nervous. I’m taking suggestions!

Maybe my blog readers can help with that. They're good with titles.

I’m also ready to start doing a little more diversifying in my writing career. I have a Young Adult novel in progress, and a good old space opera SF that I’m excited about. I’m also working on -- yes, I’m saying it -- a Christian paranormal novel. It has vampires and stuff in it. Yeah, I know. I’m bound to get banned and unlikely to get it published. Every time I think about this book I remember Donald Miller telling the women at the Christian writers conference (in SFGKW) that he wanted to write a book about a nun who went into foreign countries and overthrew dictators. I think he might like my Christian vampire book.

Seriously, (well, I am serious, I am writing on a Christian paranormal novel and I do hope Donald Miller likes it), I have a longing to write a book that will express what I feel God has been talking to me about for quite a while now. We’ve gotta learn to be real, as Christians. We’ve been wearing these silly masks for too long. The party line has told us for a hundred years that in order to win people to Christ, we have to wear masks of feigned perfection. The truth is, non-Christians are scared of our masks, and of us. (More than vampires, even!) If we could take the masks off long enough to just love our neighbor as ourselves, we might lead a few people to Christ. We are not the perfect ones! There can be only One.

(Sigh. Yes, I used to watch "Highlander.")

Me, too! Thanks for the honest, thought-provoking interview, Tess. It's been fun and educational. Good luck with the new book!

Thanks so much, Jason. I’ve enjoyed being on your blog, and as we say in Texas, I hope God blesses you real good!

-------------------

Do you have any questions for Tess? Title suggestions for her new Highland _______ novel? Leave them in the comments.

Interview with Tess Mallory (Part 1)

Last week's unrelated posts on worship and forbidden words in Christian romances hit a wide audience and brought a lot of new traffic to this blog, and as a result I've been able to connect with some interesting new people. (Good job, Internets!) One of those is Tess Mallory, a fellow Texan. Tess makes her living as a romance novelist. A romance novelist who is a Christian...but not a "Christian romance novelist."

And there is a difference, as you'll see.

Since I like to use this space occasionally to talk to other writers about writing, I asked Tess if she'd mind being interviewed. She graciously obliged, and has some great things to say about being a Christian in an industry -- romantic fiction -- I don't know much about. You'll enjoy it.

First, a quick bio from TessMalloryBooks.com. Tess Mallory is the author of five time travel romances, a fantasy romance novella, and a futuristic romance. These include Highland Rogue, Highland Magic, Highland Dream, and Highland Fling (plus several others without "Highland" in the title). Tess lives in the Texas Hill Country with her husband and family, and when she's not writing, she enjoys painting, creating designs with mosaic tiles, drinking foamy lattes and playing Scrabble.

JB: Hi, Tess. Thanks for doing the interview.

Tess Mallory: Hi Jason! Thanks so much for interviewing me. I love your blog. It always makes me think -- and laugh!

Thank you. That's always good to hear. Let's talk about romantic fiction. Even though my dad attended high school with Jodi Thomas, I'm pretty far removed from the romance-writing world. What do I need to know about it?

The romance genre actually began in the early 19th century, when Jane Austen, the Brönte sisters, and other female writers of the day began creating stories that revolved around the relationships of men and women. But what most non-romance-reading people today still consider romance novels are either the small, category romances published by Harlequin, or more likely the romances that rose to popularity in the seventies. These books were often badly written and featured domineering men (sometimes rather violent) and submissive females. These books, with their “clinch” covers, helped cement the term “bodice rippers,” which has followed the romance genre ever since.

Um...you're right. That's exactly what I think about when I think about romance. I'm guessing I'm wrong? Please say yes.

Yes! In the late eighties, a new kind of romance reader, and writer, came to fruition. Strong female heroines -- paired with strong, caring heroes -- soon became the heart of the romance. A weak woman dependent on a man for her life and self-esteem, or an alpha male diminishing his woman with his arrogance, were banished to the past. Personal growth, self-confidence, empowerment, and independence became part and parcel of the romance novel, and these concepts have expanded and grown to the present day. Unfortunately, the present-day detractors of romance have most likely never read a present-day romance, and usually base their opinions on the stereotype of romances from the 70s.

Guilty. Not that I read romances or anything in the 1970s. In the 1970s, I was reading the Hardy Boys. What else can you tell me?

Well, writing a romance novel is just as hard as writing any other kind of novel, as is getting it published. The only reason it may be easier to get a romance published than other novels is because every major publishing house has at least one line of romance and usually several. There is a wide and I do mean W-I-D-E variety of romances out there in today’s market, as well as a wide variety of styles, authors, and content. Some are good, some are bad. Some are frivolous, some are heartfelt. Some are hot, some are not. Some even talk about God. Some talk about Satan. Just like in mainstream, science fiction, fantasy, thriller, horror, or even literary fiction, whether or not a romance is a good book depends not only on the talent of the author, but the subjective tastes of the reader, of course.

But there are specific rules that a book has to follow in order to be an official "romance," right?

Yes. Here’s what the Romance Writers of America organization considers a romance: It has to have a central love story -- you can include as many subplots as you want as long as the love story is the main focus. And it has to have "an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending."

Define the "emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending." What does that mean?

Here's how the RWA defines it: In a romance, the lovers who risk and struggle for each other and their relationship are rewarded with emotional justice and unconditional love.

They also say this: Romance novels may have any tone or style, be set in any place or time, and have varying levels of sensuality—ranging from sweet to extremely hot. These settings and distinctions of plot create specific subgenres within romance fiction.

Here are some more fun facts: Romance fiction generated $1.37 billion in sales in 2008. It was the top performing category on the New York Times, USA Today, and Publishers Weekly best-seller lists. 74.8 million people read at least one romance novel in 2008. Romance fiction sales are estimated at $1.36 billion for 2009.

Wow. How did you get into this career? Can you give us the brief back story?

Brief? Me? It’s a convoluted story, but I’ll try. I never started out to write a romance, at least not in the beginning. I started my first book in the seventh grade. It was a western, and I remember the rush of joy I felt when I wrote the opening sentence and it actually sounded like something I would read in a “real” book. I ran out of steam on the fourth chapter, but the seed was planted, and somehow I knew I wanted to write novels.

I grew up, got married, started a family, and when I was in my early twenties, my grandmother gave me a copy of Matched Pearls, a Christian romance by Grace Livingston Hill. These romances were set and written in the 1920s, 30s, and 40s. When I had read all of GLH’s books, I began to read secular romances. I was a die-hard romantic, fascinated with Ireland and Scotland, where many of the historical romances I read were set. I began to think about writing romances.

In the meantime, I had written a different kind of book -- a Young Adult time travel (yes, I was a geek, a romantic geek). I had been fascinated with time travel -- the paradoxes, the questions, the possibilities -- ever since I saw Back to the Future, Somewhere in Time, and an episode of Star Trek. (Yes, I was a Trekkie too. A romantic, geeky, Trekkie.) Then I read a book by Jude Devereaux called A Knight in Shining Armor -- one of the first time-travel romances ever written -- and I became hooked on the idea of combining love and science fiction. So I wrote a time-travel adventure for the Young Adult market and called it Jewels of Time.

But I was new at this game, and when I finished the book and looked around for a publisher to submit it to, I found out I had goofed. This book was not really a YA. The ages of the main characters were just a little too old, and it was way too romantic for a YA novel. (At the time. Boy, if only Twilight had been around then, I’d have had a market for it!). I chalked it up to a learning experience and put the manuscript under my bed.

Not long after, while reading Romantic Times magazine, I saw a blurb that made my heart beat faster -- Dorchester Publishing in New York was looking for manuscripts for time-travel romances! BOING! I got out my YA, rewrote it, and sent it to Dorchester. They bought it. I couldn’t believe it. I had sold a book! Then I sold Dorchester another TT. And another. And suddenly I had a career as a romance author.

So far I’ve written eight romance novels and one novella which include seven time-travel romances, one futuristic romance, and one novella included in a romance fantasy anthology. The last two books were with Berkley (Penguin/Putnam Books) and I’m working on the third in the trilogy. I’ve also written stories for Highlights for Children, several plays, a Christian musical, a children’s musical (lyrics and book), and have written human interest features for a variety of small-town Texas newspapers over the years.

Your recent work takes on something of a sci-fi/paranormal theme. What's behind that?

I’ve always loved science fiction and fantasy, largely because of my father. My dad was an engineer for General Dynamics, and loved SF. One of the first bedtime stories I ever remember him reading me was I, Robot. I loved Robby the Robot. I still love robots. My dad also invented his own tales of fairies and dragons for me, and I grew up with a love of fantasies and science fiction and storytelling. It makes sense that there are very few ideas that come to me now as a writer that don’t have some kind of SF or fantasy twist to them. Paranormal is a new toy to play with, but more on that later.

When I got serious about my writing as an adult, one of my first goals was to write a Star Trek novel! I did eventually submit one and got good feedback, but was ultimately turned down, so I decided to write the "book of my heart" -- a futuristic Christian novel. I was so excited when Thomas Nelson Books asked to read it. They kept it for two years before they finally turned it down. That was quite a disappointment. (I still like that book and plan to rewrite it one of these days.)

What are the biggest misconceptions about romantic fiction?

How about I give you bullet points?

Go for it.

• Romances are still like they were in the seventies, where many times the heroine was subjected to basically what amounted to sexual assault. Hence the term “bodice-ripper.”
• All romances are pornographic.
• All romances focus primarily on sex and sexual desire.
• All romances are badly written.
• All romances are trashy.
• All romances have no plot.
  
• All romances contain sex.
• Only uneducated people read romances.
• Only uneducated people write romances.
  
• Authors of romances are rich.
  
• It’s easy to get a romance published.
  
• It’s easy to write a romance.
• Women read romances because they are frustrated with their husbands, and/or their sex lives.
• Romance writers are wild and promiscuous. (We aren’t. I promise. We are mostly stay-at-home moms and grandmothers.)
• Romance writers have lucky husbands.

-----------------

Thanks, Tess. Come back tomorrow for part two of our interview, in which Tess and I discuss snobbery from other writers toward her genre, and she dishes on the stereotypical cheesecake cover art. Also on the menu? The challenges of being a Christian who writes romance novels for a secular publisher, and whether or not her characters have sex.

Yes. I am such a tease.

A Veterans Day Post: Meeting Paw-Paw

Today is Veteran's Day. The veterans in my family include my wife's grandparents (Eddie & Sunny Storseth), both of whom served as officers in the Navy; my maternal grandfather, John E. Brown, who served in the military police for the Marines; and my paternal grandfather, John Boyett, who became a Nazi prisoner-of-war during World War II.

I posted this last year on Veteran's Day, but in honor of the veterans in my family I'm going to re-run it today.

-----------------

The Day I Met Paw-Paw
A vintage WWII bomber, a harrowing story, and a new perspective ...

When I was a kid, I thought I knew my grandfather. His name was John Boyett, but we called him "Paw-Paw." He had a broad nose and a neck crisscrossed with wrinkles. He smelled like a blend of the minty Copenhagen he dipped and the sawdust of his workshop. He built stuff, and had all kinds of tools. He watched “The Today Show” during breakfast and listened to Paul Harvey at lunch and always made us grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches. He sang a barrel-deep bass.

I thought I knew Paw-Paw, until I went to an air show with him when I was 12. One of the aircraft on display was an old, World War II-era B-17 Bomber, the legendary “flying fortress.” It was open for viewing, so Paw-Paw took me aboard. As we climbed inside, he began to tell me about the plane: where the bombs were stored and how they were released, where the guns were stationed and the size of the bullets, what kinds of missions the planes flew and in what theaters. I was impressed. He knew a lot about this airplane.

“How do you know all this stuff?” I asked from the back of the fuselage.

“Because I was sitting right about where you are when we got shot down.” My eyes grew as wide as Paw-Paw’s nose, but he kept talking.

“The wings caught fire, and the heat was about to weld the door shut. I couldn’t see anything because of the smoke. So I backed up right there"--he pointed to the fuselage wall opposite the hatch through which we’d just entered--"and I jumped at the door with both feet. Went right through and started falling until I remembered to open my parachute.” Then his voice dropped an octave. “Most of my buddies died.”

“Were you hurt?” I asked. He lifted a pants leg to show me a cluster of pock-marked scars. “Got hit by some shrapnel,” he said. I had to ask what “shrapnel” was.

Before long, I’d heard most of the story--at least, the parts he wanted to tell me. Based in Italy, my granddad was on one of his last bombing runs as a 21-year-old side-gunner and flight engineer on the B-17, when his plane encountered enemy fire over Austria. After reluctantly bailing from his post--and his plane-he parachuted directly into Nazi territory. Paw-Paw ended up in a succession of German prisoner-of-war camps. He spent more than a year in captivity, subsisting on watery “stew” and thinking he’d never see his family again. He held on mentally by reading and rereading a bundle of letters from his bride and my grandmother, Mary Ellen, whom he’d left behind in Hollis, Oklahoma.

His escape came as suddenly as his capture. Paw-Paw and a number of other prisoners were eventually herded out of the camp and forced into a cross-country trek at the end of winter, in temperatures so cold he had to set fire to his precious letters to keep his fingers from freezing. “It was intended to be our death march,” he told me. After months of marching over nearly 500 miles, the captors and prisoners neared the Germany-Poland border. Without warning, a Jeep crested the hill ahead of them, driven by a British colonel who’d become lost and accidentally veered into enemy territory. Paw-Paw’s German guards assumed it was the lead vehicle in an Allied assault, and they fled. The prisoners stood there stunned, alone and shivering. They had stumbled into freedom, liberated by a Brit’s bad navigation.

I thought I knew Paw-Paw until I heard him tell this story inside the hollow shell of a vintage airplane. His version is usually punctuated with much greater detail, buttressed by self-deprecating humor and, occasionally, some sadness. He tells it rarely. It’s a powerful story, but a difficult one--he didn’t speak of those events at all until many years after the war. I realize now there is much I don’t know about my grandfather. The man I do know was made during those months as a POW, during that march, upon that liberation. To know Paw-Paw is to know his story.

In recent months, he has confessed to our family that he never really knew why God let him survive that flight, or those months in the Stalag, or the death march. At least, he didn’t know until his kids grew up. Then my generation arrived--my brother and sister and me, and our cousins. My brother runs an apartment ministry. My sister worked for Young Life. One cousin is a teacher. The others are doting fathers and husbands. Had Paw-Paw died in the war? We’d never have existed. “It’s for you kids,” he tells us, his voice breaking with emotion. “That’s why I survived. So you guys can be here. And for them, too.” He nods toward our sons and daughters. His great-grandchildren, full of promise and potential.

In his mind, we’re here--all of us--to change the world he helped save in World War II. We’re here to show love. To live lives of compassion. To raise our families and communicate truths and impact the places where we’ve ended up. We’re here because Paw-Paw survived. And because I know his story, I continually ask myself if I’m measuring up. Like the elderly title character at the end of “Saving Private Ryan,” I see my granddad and I wonder: Was I worth it? Am I good enough? Is my life worthy of his sacrifices? Is who I am worthy of his amazing survival? Does the legacy I’m creating justify the legacy he left me?

If the answer to any of those is “no,” then things need to change. When I first heard his story, Paw-Paw changed. Every time I reflect upon it, I change.

7 Things I Have Learned from Sesame Street

As you probably have realized upon visiting Google the last few days, today marks the 40th birthday of Sesame Street, a show I loved and feared during my early childhood (see more below).

And loved during my late teens (I discovered an old "Songs from Sesame Street" cassette tape and played the life out of it in my car for most of my 18th year).

And loved it as an adult, too, once my kids began watching some of the old videos.

In honor of its birthday, here are seven things I have learned from Sesame Street:

1. If you want to play the saxophone, it's best to first put down your rubber ducky. This should go without saying, but had it gone without saying we wouldn't have had this wonderful song. Do you always get a silly squeak when you try to play the blues? Might be the duck. You gotta leave the duck alone, man.

2. The alphabet is more beautiful than you think, especially when sung by Kermit the Frog and Ladysmith Black Mambazo. (And even when sung by Big Bird.)

3. You don't need actual words to create an enthralling song. Ma nah ma nah! (Doot do duh doo-doot!) I also learned this, to a lesser extent, from Hanson.

4. REM is awesome. (I knew this before, but it was confirmed upon seeing this for the first time. This was the first and only time, I believe, I have seen Michael Stipe sort of smile.)

5. It's good to eat cookies, even though we have since become aware that "cookies are a sometimes food." (If you drop as many crumbs as Cookie Monster did, you don't get all those calories anyhow.)

6. Sometimes people fall down, but they're usually OK. I couldn't find it on YouTube, but that scene where the waiter falls down the stairs while carrying a tray of pies? It terrified me as a child. I used to have to hide behind the couch every time it came on. (Which was often.) But he always got back up.

7. I've learned that Mr. Hooper isn't coming back, and when that happens, it's OK to be sad.

-------------

What about you? What have you learned from Sesame Street?

Friday Miscellany

It's been an eventful week here at the blog, thanks to the naughty words and romance novels and worship discussion. Which is a weird combination of things, starting the week with pee-poop-panties and ending it with a more serious topic. Anyway, thanks to those of you who participated in all the worship-related conversation. It was fun.

Now, some random stuff for your weekend.

1. Back in August, I did an interview with the gang at Rethink Monthly about my Pocket Guide books, which also ended up discussing the whole Michael Jackson/Heaven/Daily Beast brouhaha and, for some odd reason, Sasquatch. Which is to say, it was an entertaining conversation. If you want to know about the idea behind the Pocket Guides and my thoughts on making readers mad, then give it a listen. (Not sure why the podcast has just now hit the airwaves.)

2. Discovered this week the awesomeness of My Life is Average. You need to discover it, too. Sample entry: Yesterday when I went into the bathroom stall, written on the wall beside me was,"If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach." I laughed hysterically in the stall. I hope nobody heard. MLIA

3. This week featured the rise and fall (but possible resurrection?) of ChristianChirp, a Twitter alternative for Christians. I'm hoping most of my readers will realize how silly the idea is. If not, you should read Kevin Hendricks' recap of it. Good one, Kevin. Bad one, Christian Chirp.

4. Leave it to Internet Monk to write one of the best seize-the-day posts I've ever read, without actually using any clichéd carpe diem language. "There's always a day before." Devastating and inspiring. Live this weekend and be glad in it.

5. Relevant Magazine is holding a Pocket Guide to Sainthood-related contest. Submit your own saint-and-patronage and you might win a $100 gift card. The Great Relevant Saint-Off.

6. Speaking of that, have you purchase Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, Pocket Guide to the Bible, or Pocket Guide to Sainthood yet? You should. Then you should review it on Amazon. But don't take my word for it. Take Nicole Wick's.

I'm out. Have a good weekend. See you next week.

Annoyed by Worship: Solutions

Yesterday we had a good discussion about some of the limitations of worship -- or at least the modern worship movement, even though it defines worship too narrowly as "the singing part of a church service."

And there are a lot of limitations, from vapid songwriting to theological confusion to an over-reliance on psychological/emotional touchstones like key changes, crescendos, and tempos.

I'll readily admit to not being much of a problem-solver. I like to ask questions no one's asking, stir the pot a little, and then let the discussion happen without getting too involved. That approach has its own problems, I know. But that's always been my fleshly thorn: too many questions, and not enough answers. Also, too many chocolate chip cookies, and not enough celery. But that's another blog post.

Let's consider the annoyances mentioned yesterday in both the blog post and the comments and discuss what -- if anything -- can be done to fix them. It's not as simple as saying "We need to return to the ancient hymns," because some of those are just as goofy or inauthentic-sounding as any others. (I can't sing "There is a fountain filled with blood..." without going all Stephen King in the theater of my mind.)

-----------------

How do we worship, then, if we hate the songs?

How do we worship authentically if singing certain lyrics makes us feel fake?

How do we worship if the forms of worship -- the music, the outward expressions, our own hang-ups -- distract us?

How do we re-educate the churchgoing population on the purpose and definition of worship?

How do we worship if we're questioning the purpose of worship in the first place? Can worship occur amidst the struggle to believe?

-----------------

Now that we've complained about it, let's offer some solutions. Let's keep the discussion going. Your turn...

Five Confessions: Annoyed by "Worship"

I have five worship-related confessions to make.

1. I play the drums in the worship band at my church. One reason is because I love to play the drums. It makes me happy. The other reason is that I'd much rather be on stage during the worship time than out in the audience "worshiping." Why? Keep reading. To my possible detriment, I'm gonna tell you.

2. I am perpetually annoyed that we refer to the singing part of a church service as "worship." As in, this is the part of our Christian lives that involves worship, and preferably a kickin' praise band will be around to facilitate it. To think this way ignores pretty much all of the Bible, which makes it clear that worship includes a host of things other than singing -- like giving, serving, sacrificing, pondering, praying. Calling the part of the church service when the singing happens worship is like identifying eating as only that which we do at McDonald's.

3. While singing, ahem, "worship songs," I like to think about the lyrics I'm singing. This inevitably results in two scenarios. First, I get sidetracked by lines that are particularly declarative and say something I would never say (or that I would blush at saying about, well, anything). Take this phrase, for example, from "Here I am to Worship" by Tim Hughes:

You're altogether lovely /Altogether worthy / Altogether wonderful to me.

Never mind the weird parallelism of the altogethers. I am just not an emotional, touchy-feely kind of person. I would never tell someone that they are "lovely" or "wonderful" to me. It's such gooey language and it feels totally weird and inauthentic for me to say. To say that to God? It feels totally fake.

The second scenario is that the song lyrics say something that isn't exactly true for me, or at least not true the moment I'm singing it. Take, for example, a phrase from the chorus of "You Are My King," by Billy Foote.

Amazing love, I know its true / It's my joy to honor you

I'm not always sure what it means for me to honor God. During the times I think I do know, I'm not certain it always brings me joy. Honoring God sometimes requires sacrifice, right? That's not always joyful. I can't always sing lines like this. Either they're too ambiguous to be true for me personally, or they're a flat-out lie.

4. I also get annoyed at the thoughtless banality of many worship songs. Cliches. Dorky rhymes. Meaningless Jesus-is-my-boyfriend language. I realize I can sound like a grumpy crank, but can we not come up with some more creative ways to talk about God than the kind of phrasings that overly rely on adore/Lord and love/above rhyme sequences? What in the world does "open the eyes of my heart" mean anyway? Why are we always asking, in worship songs, for God to "show us Your glory" when God explicitly told Moses that he would die if he beheld His glory? If what we call "worship" is really worship, then why does it have to be so dumb?

5. Because when participating in corporate singing, I think of this lovely and wonderful video, because it is so spot-on when it comes to the outward expression of worship.



Anyway, end of rant. I play the drums because that's the most comfortable place for me to be during the "worship" time, and I am possibly a heartless jerk for thinking this way.

Thanks to my archaeologist/theologian friend Bob Cargill for getting me thinking about the subject.

[The above cartoon is by Dave Walker at CartoonChurch.com.]

The Christian Romance Novel Naughty List

Steeple Hill is a line of Christian women's novels published by Harlequin, the great-granddaddy (or grandmother?) of the romance novel industry. When you think of romance novels, you probably think of a buff, hairless, massively pectoral man clutching a lovestruck maiden with a bosom nearly heaving from her corset. Right? You probably don't think that fits very well within the Christian reading market.

You're correct. (Right: Guess which cover is the Christian one?)

Thanks to a thoughtful email from Bryan Allain, I now have proof how difficult it must be to write a legitimate romance novel--or any novel, for that matter--for Christian readers. He pointed me to this list on the Harlequin/Steeple Hill website. It contains a list of terms that cannot be used in a Steeple Hill novel. You might think it's a joke, but I'm pretty sure it's not.

So I'm just going to reproduce the list verbatim, along with the hilariously clarifying explanations or suggestions accompanying these forbidden phrases. Enjoy.

-------------

Terms that cannot be used in a Steeple Hill novel:

Arousal
Bastard
Bet/betting
Bishop
Bra
Breast (except for breast cancer if necessary)
Buttocks or butt (alternatively, you can say derriere or backside)
Crap
Damn (try "blast" instead)
Darn
Dern/durn
Devil (except in the religious sense, but the circumstances would be rare)
Dang or Dagnabbit
Doody
Father (when used to describe a religious official)
Fiend
For heaven's sake (can use "for goodness' sake" instead)
For the love of Mike
For Pete's sake
Gee
Geez/jeez (but "sheesh" is acceptable)
Gosh
Golly
Halloween
Harlot
Heat (when used to describe kisses)
Heck
Hell (except in the religious sense, but this would be rare)
Holy cow
Hot/hottie
Hunk
Need/hunger (when used to describe non-food-focused state of being)
Pee
Poop
Panties
Passion
Priest
Sexy
Sex
Sexual attraction
Tempting (as applied to the opposite sex)
St. [name of saint]
Swear, as in "I swear..." - Christian characters are not supposed to swear.
Undergarments - of any kind
Whore

The following are allowed only in the context mentioned:
Angel - only when used in a Biblical context
Miracle - only when used in a Biblical context
Oh my God/Oh, God - ONLY allowed when it's clearly part of a prayer
Heavenly - only when used in a Biblical context
Although you can say “He cursed” or mention cursing, do not overuse. Furthermore, only non-Christian characters can curse.

Situations to be avoided:
Kissing below the neck
Visible signs or discussions of arousal or sexual attraction or being out of control
Double entendre
Nudity - people changing clothes "on screen" or any character clad only in a towel
Hero and heroine sleeping in the same house without a third party, even if they're not sleeping together or in the same room
Also, Christian characters should not smoke, drink, gamble, play cards or dance (except in historical novels they may dance but please limit to square dances and balls, no “sexy” dancing like waltzing cheek to cheek), and terms associated with these activities should only be used in connection with bad guys or disapproving of them or such.
Bodily functions, like going to the bathroom, should be mentioned as little as possible and some euphemism may be necessary but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd.

-------------

Brief and pretty much unnecessary commentary:

1) I'm not surprised that such a list exists, though to be honest I'm surprised at the prudish detail of this one. Sure, I guess you don't want a Christian character saying damn (try "blast" instead!) but darn? Durn? Dang? Piety can be so constrictive!

2) The prohibition against "doody" is a good call. Any book for people over the age of 5 should not use the word "doody."

3) Why can't a religious official be referred to as Father? I understand we don't want anyone to say "Golly!" but what do they do when a priest walks by? Do Catholics, Anglicans, or Episcopalians not exist in Steeple Hill? Are these books only to be read by crazed fundamentalists who think Catholic Church is the whore of Babylon? Oops. Sorry. I shouldn't have used the word "whore." Sigh. For Pete's--or, rather, Jerry's--sake.

4) Maybe it's because I live with a six year-old and a nine year-old, but the pee/poop/panties combination made me giggle. And I don't care who knows.

5) "Furthermore, only non-Christians can curse." That's so true. When we Christians try to do it, strange replacement words come out. Like "dagnabbit."

6) "...some euphemism may be necessary but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd." Too late.