Confessions of One Who Hasn't Blogged

I have no excuses for not having blogged this week. Actually, I have one fairly good excuse. Thanks to all of you who participated in the Great Pocket Guide Giveaway of 2009 on Monday and Tuesday, I have spent most of my free time signing, packing, and shipping books.



In total, over a 24-hour period, I sold 58 boxes of Pocket Guide to the Bible for $0.01 + $19.99 shipping/handling. That's 58 boxes x 48 books per box = 2784 books total.

That's a whole lot of books. Thank you!



Some things I have discovered over the last few days:

• Pocket Guides are small, but 48 of them weigh 21 lbs. 13 oz.

• I can comfortably carry two boxes into the Post Office.

• If people see you carrying two large boxes into the Post Office, they will go out of their way to open the door for you. (At least, that's what they'll do in Amarillo, Texas.)

• If you ask nicely, postal employees will let you borrow a hand truck to haul boxes from your car.

• I can sign 48 books in exactly 6 minutes, 20 seconds. I know this because I have timed myself. I timed myself because I am a nerd.

• The Chicago Cubs tend to win baseball games by a large margin when I sign books while watching them play. So I will take credit for their offensive explosion this week.

• It's easiest for me to sign books on the floor, rather than on a table or desk.

• My kids are excellent book-signing assistants:





Again, thanks to everyone who bought books. Most of them should be in the mail by next week.

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In other news, I'm the guest blogger today at Stuff Christians Like, with a post about saints and holiness. If you've been missing this blog, head on over there for some good times.

FREE: Pocket Guide to the Bible

I want to try something. Thanks to Chris Anderson's new book, Free -- and the controversy it has caused -- there has been a lot of discussion around the Web regarding the value of products. Specifically, whether or not it makes sense to offer a product for free?

I don't know the answer to that. But I do know that I have a whole lot of the first edition of Pocket Guide to the Bible (the Relevant Books edition) sitting in a warehouse, in boxes of 48. Jossey-Bass is about to release a new, repackaged version of that book. Which sorta makes my old version a collector's item. Or irrelevant. Or something.

So I thought I'd try an experiment: What if, for a short time only, I provided copies of this first iteration of Pocket Guide to the Bible for virtually free? Only there's a catch. You can't get just one copy. You have to take 48.

So beginning right this moment, you can get a box of 48 Pocket Guide to the Bible books for the price of $0.01. One tiny cent. AND...I'll sign them. Every one. All I ask is that you cover the shipping & handling for these boxes so I don't actually lose money on this.

Shipping is $19.99 for the box. So in total, $20.00 gets you 48 signed books. No strings attached.

The deal won't last long. The offer stands until exactly 10 pm Central time tomorrow night, July 28. At that point, I'll remove the button below.

I'm thinking this will be a great deal for high school ministries, college ministries, small-group leaders, Gosselin family members, or anything similar to get a bunch of books for giveaways or gifts. If you agree, make that purchase. Buy a box. And let your ministry friends know about this crazy almost-free deal.

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Update: 9:00 pm, Tuesday, July 28 -- The crazy almost-free deal has ended. Big thanks to the more than 50 of you who bought boxes. I'm working on them now and will ship them as I finish.

Come Back Monday, or Else

I decided to do something today that I hope will be of interest to you. What is it? I'm not telling until Monday night, when it goes into effect.

But I'll give you a hint. It involves large quantities of Pocket Guide to the Bible, economic theories espoused by Chris Anderson, and the copper visage of Abe Lincoln.

You will definitely want to check in Monday night and early Tuesday. And if you know a youth minister, college minister, young adult minister, pastor -- or anyone who works with groups of people who: 1) like the Bible, 2) like humor, and 3) like to read -- then you especially should tell those people to stop by, too. I think they will be interested.

Have a great weekend. See you Monday night.

Apocalypse Alert: Total Eclipse of the Sun

In case you didn't know, the start of the apocalypse might have occurred earlier today when parts of the eastern hemisphere (including China and India) experienced a full solar eclipse. Like Dick Cheney, eclipses have long been considered harbingers of doom. This one is particularly a big deal -- the longest one of the 21st century. We won't see one this long again until 2132. I personally can't wait until that one arrives. Neither can Dick Cheney.

Worth noting:

• Hindu mythology is suspicious of solar eclipses. If by "suspicious" you mean it is believed that eclipses occur when the demons Rahu and Ketu swallow the sun. This is bad news. Not only does it plunge the world into demonic darkness, but it turns food inedible and water undrinkable. Also, those are some really huge demons. Shudder.

• Hindu mythology also suggests pregnant women stay indoors during an eclipse, to keep their babies from developing eclipsey birth defects.

• Another good idea during a solar eclipse? Fasting and ritual bathing. Thousands of Hindus took a dip in the river Ganges today, just to be safe.

• Only it's not safe when that ritual bath turns into a 2,500-person stampede like the one at Varanasi, on one of the river's banks. A 65-year-old woman was killed and several others injured.

• In other not-safe news, Mumbai astrologer Raj Kumar Sharma predicted a violent attack on Indian soil as a result of the eclipse, along with the possibility of a devastating natural disaster in Southeast Asia. But Raj Kumar Sharma has always been something of a gloombucket.

• That is the first time in my life I have ever used the word "gloombucket," which I made up just now. I love that word, though. I am going to start using it a lot, and I encourage you to join me.

• According to my neighbor, Skip, an eclipse is something God does to the sky when he tests out a giant new hole punch. Skip is clinically insane, though, so I don't believe him.

• Chinese tradition explains an eclipse with stories about a heavenly dog eating the sun. From CNN: "As the story goes, people would make noise to scare off the dog and rescue the sun, said Bill Yeung, president of the Hong Kong Astronomical Society." This might explain why Skip was shouting and waving around maracas today in his backyard.

• The Shanghai zoo put up special lights today to keep zoo animals from being too freaked out by the sudden darkness. My question is why didn't they do this yesterday, before the giant dog ate the sun?



Enjoy this eclipse day, even though nothing happens at all here on the western side of the earth. Either way, tonight I'm going to turn on the lights, turn up my stereo, watch out for stampedes, and take a dip in the holy Prairie Dog Town Fork of the Red River, just to be extra cautious. Me and Skip.

I implore all you gloombuckets to join us.

Of Mice and Men and Mummies

I'm pretty sure every writer has this experience. At least, I hope so. You see a book on a shelf, or read about it in a magazine, and think: Wow. THAT is a great book idea. I totally could have come up with that. I totally could have written that. Why didn't I? Why why whyyyyyyy?

And then you lapse into a fit of envy and self-loathing because some other author is finding great success and you wish it were you.

I'm not alone in that, am I? Please say no.

Because I feel that way, on so many levels, about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Quirk Books), by Seth Grahame-Smith and, um, Jane Austen. It's a retelling of the classic Pride and Prejudice story, in Jane Austenesque language. Only this time there are zombies in it. And now Quirk has released another piece of delightful Austen+Magickal Creatures parody fiction: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, by Ben H. Winters.

Of course, in greatly derivative fashion, I have been brainstorming additional ways to add vicious mayhem to classic literary works (with or without zombies). Had Quirk contacted me, this is where I would have gone...

Of Mice and Men and Mummies (John Steinbeck)

The Old Man and the She-Wolf (Ernest Hemingway)

A Separate Piece of Flesh (John Knowles)

Portrait of the Artist as a Winged Demon (James Joyce)

The Sound and the Fury and Alien Robots (William Faulkner)

The Apes of Wrath: Sasquatch Attack (Steinbeck)

As I Lay Dying of Fear (Faulkner)

Dr. Zhivago and Mr. Hyde (Boris Pasternak)

A Farewell to Arms: Werewolf Summer (Hemingway)

The Guts of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)

The Sword in the Neck (T.H. White)

The Power and the Glory and the Robot Apocalypse (Graham Greene)

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How about you? Give me your ideas for a literary/monster mashup...

What Do I Have in My Pockets?

This is not a post about my Pocket Guides. This is just a blog post about my pockets.

I am a creature of habit, in that I pretty much always carry the same thing in my pockets regardless of where I am going or what I am doing. If I don't have the usual pocket stuff, then I feel weird. Pocketly naked, if you will.

So I thought it would be fun to show you what I carry in my pockets on a daily basis, and then ask you to report about your pocket geography (or, for the ladies, the geography of your purse).



1. My phone. It's a Nokia model, but I'm not sure which. It is not an iPhone. I'm kind of a phone minimalist -- I use it to talk to people, and pretty much for little else. I don't text unless texted. I don't use it for Internet connectivity or to check email. I like being "off the leash" when I'm away from the computer, so to this point I have avoided smart phones that make it easy to check email or whatever. Call me old-fashioned, but that's how I roll.

2. Fisher Bullet Space Pen. I love this baby. It's compact. It writes clean on just about every surface. It has a pleasing weight and feels good in your hand (when you take the cap off and put it on the non-writing end, it fits your hand like a regular pen). This is the pen I carry all the time to jot down notes or whatever. It's supposed to work in temperatures ranging from -30 to 250 degrees Fahrenheit, but I have not yet tried it in those extremes, and don't really plan to because who has the inclination to write if you're trapped in an oven or ice cave? Anyway, if you're interested, you can get one at Amazon for $20 or so. Totally worth it.

3. Flash Drive. My current model is a Cruzer 1GB with a pretty little flourishy pattern. I don't use it for much, other than a backup for manuscripts and articles and various photos to transfer between computers. I'm totally paranoid about having multiple manuscript backups, though. I've heard too many stories of writers who lost entire manuscripts because their hard drives crashed. Not me. I'd have to have about 5 hard drives crash simultaneously (including those at Google) to totally lose a manuscript.

4. Chapstick. This one's by Avon, but I'm not any kind of lip balm brand snob. I really only use it about twice a week, but I always carry it with me. My jeans tend to develop little outside grooves in the denim from my chapstick tube. Whenever I need it and don't have it? Really annoying.

5. Leatherman Micra Multi-tool. Since I was 16, I have never not carried a pocketknife. I have been through several versions, from Swiss Army models to three-blade Uncle Henrys to single-blade knives. But this exact Micra I have carried since 2000. How do I know that? Because I received it as a gift for being part of a friend's wedding party. The date is engraved on it, along with my initials. Unfortunately, my relationship with this particular multi-tool has lasted longer than the marriage that occasioned the gift.

6. Elysium Mighty Wallet from Dynomighty Design. The coolest wallet I have ever owned. It was a Christmas gift from my aunt, and it's awesome. It's made from folded Tyvek (the stuff express mail envelopes are made from), so it's expandable, tear-resistant, slim, and super-lightweight. I love a thin wallet, and the fact that this one looks cool makes it even better. It comes in several different designs, too. If you are the wallet-carrying type, you need one.

7. Keys. I got this keychain from a sporting-goods store in Lake City, Colorado, in 1999. I like it because it has a rope on it, so I can twirl it around like an insouciant lifeguard with his whistle. Also the double clips allow me to clip it to my belt, but I never do (unless flyfishing). But it's nice to know I have that option.

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That's what I have in my pockets. What do you carry in yours?

Books! Real Books!

This is what arrived in the mail yesterday, wrapped up all nice and pretty by the good folks at Jossey-Bass:





I think I like the spine design the best:



The books were designed by the team at Relevant Media Group. I'm pretty sure most of the work was done by Jeremy Kennedy, now of his own design studio, Kenedik.

Nice work, Jeremy. They look great.

You, too, can have some of these within a couple weeks. Preorder yours here:

• Pocket Guide to the Afterlife
• Pocket Guide to Sainthood
• Pocket Guide to the Bible

Push Button, Receive Bacon

I am a designer and occasional artist, but only rarely have I ever resorted to real graffiti. I can't remember any specific instances, but I'm fairly sure I have left my mark on the occasional bathroom wall. Probably to make a witty retort to some supposed insult, or to correct the grammar of a dirty limerick.

But if I were an honest-to-goodness graffiti artist, I think my life's work would revolve around taking a Sharpie into every restroom possible to create this:



A close-up:



The photos above come from a post on Grant Hinkson's blog more than 18 months ago, which is ancient in Internet terms. And the joke has apparently been around much longer. But ever since I encountered it a month or two ago -- along with the inevitable t-shirts and other detritus connected to it -- I can't stop thinking about how perfect and funny this is.

It makes me smile. Every time.

Art really does make life more meaningful, even if it's guerilla art.

Bacon makes life more meaningful, too.

A Totally Fake Pocket Guide Interview

You know how, when people are interviewed on TV, it's always with them looking to the side of the camera, presumably at an off-screen interviewer?

That's what the video below is.

Only I'll let you in on a little secret. There wasn't really an interviewer there. And there wasn't a lead-in question either. And it's not really a camera, unless you count the built-in camera on my iMac as a "camera." In other words, it's a completely fake interview I conducted with myself, about my own books, using shoddy production techniques.

Why? 1) Because I was tired of looking at the camera and talking about myself, thanks to this post and this post. 2) Because there was a squirrel scampering in an amusing manner outside my window. 3) Because that's how the professionals do it. And if I am anything, it's professional. (As evidenced by the elegant lighting, the opening graphics, and the high-quality theme song.)

Enjoy.

Is Michael Jackson in Heaven?

Is Michael Jackson in Heaven? That was the question my editors at The Daily Beast wanted me to ask pastors last Thursday. Because the Beast has been wanting to increase their religion coverage, we had spent the previous couple of days discussing possible stories with a spiritual bent. They suggested something in response to Tuesday's story about scientists having created a cloned human sperm in a lab.

Normally I'm all over stories involving cloned human sperm, but I offered another suggestion. In the days immediately following Michael Jackson's death, there had been a flurry of rumors (involving Andrae Crouch, apparently started by members of the gospel group Mary Mary, and subsequently debunked by Crouch) that MJ had become a Christian not long before his death. I was thinking of something about how we Christians are always so eager to see celebrity conversions. Sort of a broader follow-up to my Speidi story from a few weeks back in the Beast.

The Beast had another idea. Michael Jackson's hybrid spirituality had been a hot topic on all kinds of message boards and blogs, especially as revolving around the question of his eternal destination. An accused child molester. A troubled celebrity. A guy mixed up in a number of religious traditions. Was MJ in heaven?

Honestly, I hadn't ever thought to ask that question -- despite my interest in the afterlife -- but it fascinated me as the subject of an article. Why? Because so many Christian pastors have so many different ideas about heaven -- Who goes there? When do we go there? What does salvation mean? Can anyone know they're saved? Is heaven a real place anyway?

I thought it would be entertaining and informative to ask a broad cross-selection of evangelical and mainline pastors. Pondering the potential afterlife of a specific (and wildly famous) figure could offer insight into what Christians actually believe about the afterlife, in a broad sense. So I spent all day Thursday interviewing pastors and writing. The article posted on Friday morning.

To me, it was an interesting cultural journalism topic, linked to a timely blend of pop culture and spirituality.

Turns out not everyone, um, felt the same way. I'll go ahead and link again to my Michael Jackson piece at The Daily Beast, but with a warning for my loved ones: Go ahead and read the article, if you want, but you probably don't want to dip into the comments section. Let's just say it's not exactly a friendly place. To the point that I've had several friends get in touch with me to ask if I was OK, seeing how I was being completely excoriated at the Beast.

Really, I'm fine. Thanks for asking, though.

Anyway, I stand by the article and have decided there's no value in responding, in any detail, to my detractors about the value or content of the piece. (Though, obviously, if I thought it was a dumb idea, I wouldn't have agreed to write it.)

All I want is to offer this observation from my brother, who emailed me yesterday:

I just never realized atheists were so touchy. What's funny to me is they won't find many Christian writers out there as sensitive to their beliefs as you are, yet they're raking you over the coals.

Funny...and true.

Video Q&A: Part 2

I recorded this on Thursday morning, but never got it posted due to a last-minute article assignment from the Daily Beast, which I researched/interviewed/wrote on Thursday and which posted Friday. It's currently the most emailed article at the Beast. More on it (possibly) later.

Anyway, here's another 5 minutes answering your questions. Contributors include Lauren, Nathan Reimer, Jen, and Jamie. There are still more questions from the original list that I haven't answered. Hopefully I'll get to those later this week.

Video Q&A: Part 1

As promised yesterday, here is my video response to a few of your questions. Too many good questions to answer in a single, not-very-long post (I'm trying to stay below 5 minutes). So if I didn't get to your question, I eventually will. Anyway, thanks to all of you who asked questions.

Enjoy the video. Also enjoy the catchy music.

Something New: Video Q&A

We've done some question-and-answer things before on this blog when it comes to writing, and my books, and how my wife and I met. But I thought it might be fun to try it a new way: via video blogging.

So here's what I have in mind. Today you get to ask any questions you want -- about the new books, about my faith, about being a writer, about that suspicious-looking mole on the back of your neck -- and I'll answer them.

The rules for you: You have to ask the questions in the comments to this post. You may ask any question about any topic. It's all fair game, unless I decide I don't want to answer your question in a public forum. (So stop thinking of dirty questions.)

The rules for me: I must answer the question without editing the video. So no cuts or fancy stuff. Just my own stream-of-consciousness rambling, even if I totally mess up. If necessary, I can do several videos to keep these at a manageable (i.e. watchable) length.

Cool? OK, go. Ask away. And realize that, if no one asks any questions, the video of me just sitting there staring at the camera is going to be really boring. But don't think I won't do it. I will, and you'll be sorry.

Ads That Will Give You the Willies

Say what you will about the current age of advertising, what with all the celebrity sell-outs and general ickiness and our inability to get particular jingles out of our heads. But at least our ads aren't filled with utterly disturbing images that will haunt your very dreams tonight.

My guitar-ninjaing friend Trace thoughtfully introduced me to this list of 15 Creepy Vintage Ads and so I feel the need to share a few of them with you. If only so we can be disturbed together. You know how it's always better to watch a horror film in a packed-out theater rather than alone on your couch under a blanket? Think of this the same way.

Behold some creepy vintage ads:



Daddy? Where does sausage come from?
Well, honey, think of a happy pig.
Like Wilbur?
Yes, just like Wilbur from Charlotte's Web, but holding a really sharp sword with his hoof.
How can he hold a sword with a hoof?
That doesn't matter. What matters is that the pig is using the sword to divide himself into these little piggy slices by cutting through his stomach, kind of like Mommy does when she cuts up a cucumber, only instead of cucumber slices it's a bloody stack of pig pieces. Apparently that's how you got sausage back in the old days. Now...who's ready for breakfast?



Nothing says "peace on Earth, goodwill to men" like a square dad, a happy mom, and a family of three boys inspecting their new weaponry. A few months later, the same family celebrated Easter with a cage match between little Johnny and middle-child Pete.




A scene from a Hathaway dress shirt photo shoot:

Creative Director: This shot isn't working. We've got a handsome man in a dress shirt. That's not interesting. How can we make this interesting?

Assistant Creative Director: What if we replaced the conference room background with, I don't know, a cage at the zoo?

Creative Director: I love it! And instead of a cup of coffee, he can be holding a baby tiger!

(Silence.)

Prop Guy: Um...I'm not sure I can find a baby tiger on such short notice. Let me make some calls.

(A pirate appears.)

Pirate: Arrrgh, ye mateys. Avast! Shiver me timbers! Fo'c's'le, etc.

Creative Director (to Prop Guy): While you're asking about the tiger, go ahead and order me up an eyepatch, too. What we need is a handsome man, with an eyepatch, at the zoo, holding a baby tiger. If that doesn't sell stripey dress shirts, then I'm a sword-wielding pig!





I don't know about you, but if I'm ever at a beach, at night, in the vicinity of a toddler who just got crushed by a giant teacup that fell from the sky during some kind of fantastic rainstorm...well, I'm going to ask for Pears' Soap.




My understanding of the French language is limited, but according to the French-English dictionary I just visited, Chocolat Poulain is French for "giant terrifying clown." And goutez et comparez is French for "drinking your blood from a teacup, the same teacup which he might drop on your toddler at the beach, at night."

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Sweet dreams, everyone. More of these at Retro Comedy.

Pocket Guide Press Sheets

Ten years ago, I got my start in the advertising and design industries when I started working for a local printer, Amarillo's biggest. They had a boutique little design/marketing studio for their customers, and I was hired to work in that department as a copywriter and art director.

I've spent a lot of time around presses and press rooms, and have inspected a lot of press sheets in my day. Press sheets are the large, uncut sheets of printed materials, like brochures, flyers, newsletters and -- yep -- book covers. I think press sheets are pretty cool, as they always contain weird little registration marks and file names and color bars and stuff.

So with the publication of Pocket Guide to the Bible (the first time), I decided to ask the printer for an uncut press sheet of the covers. Relevant Books was kind enough to provide one for me. I made the same request for the latest books -- I think it makes for a unique collection -- and the team at Jossey-Bass made it happen.

I got my Pocket Guide press sheets in the mail yesterday, and the covers look great. Thought I'd share them with you.

Here are the cover press sheets for Pocket Guide to Sainthood and the updated Pocket Guide to the Bible, on the same sheet:



...and here's Pocket Guide to the Afterlife:



I love these covers. Nice bright colors on the back, elegant black spines, clean typography, and the back cover copy! So witty! So informative!

(Yes...I wrote it.)

Anyway, great job, Jossey-Bassers. Can't wait to see the finished product.

Things I Have Too Many Of

It occurred to me this morning, while brushing my teeth, that while many people suffer from "not enough," I am fortunate to suffer from "too many." Complaining about having too much of something reminds me of something Matthew Perry's Chandler once said, sarcastically, on an episode of Friends. "My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Right. Don't complain about blessings.

So instead of complaining, I'm going to list the things I have too many of.

I have too many shoes. Two pairs of running shoes. Two pairs of regular tennis shoes. Two pairs of slip-on casual shoes (black and brown). Two pairs of flip-flops (black and greenish). Blue Chuck Taylors. Two pairs of nicer slip-on shoes (yes...black and brown). Work boots. Snow boots. Trail runners for hiking. My sweet-looking klash from Iraq. And probably some other shoes I'm forgetting about which I haven't worn in months. (When I look at all my shoes, it helps me remember that lots of kids don't have shoes.)

I have too many blog posts making fun of famed Puritan preacher Jonathan Edwards. Three posts is far too many. Two posts, though, is exactly right.

I have too many questions about God. It's good to have questions, I think, but not so good when your faith is overwhelmed by those questions. How do I turn off my brain?

I have too many ideas for novels, but too few ideas that go beyond the what-if-this-happened initial concept. If I could only flesh them out into a real plot...

I have too many weeds in my front yard. Also my alley.

I have too many thoughts along these lines: Who ever determined that certain plants were weeds and not legitimate plants? What kind of random subjective value judgment is that, anyway? Who are you, gardening expert, to tell me that my garden should have certain kinds of desirable plants (tomatoes) and not have certain less desirable plants (soapweed)?

I have too many disappearing tattoos. At my count: one. I got it in 1995, on my ankle -- black ink -- and it has pretty much completely faded away at this point. Aren't tattoos supposed to be, you know, forever?

I have too many copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible remaining in my warehouse. The first edition of PGTTB, published by Relevant Books. Waaaaay too many of those babies. Anyone interested in buying a thousand of them? I'll sell them cheap.

I have too many toes on my left foot. Not really. Just making sure you're still paying attention.

I have too many people in my life named Jason. Not sure what happened in the mid-1970s, but you parents kinda dropped the ball in terms of son-naming creativity. Girls born since 2006 named Bella? I feel your pain.

I have too many things to be working on instead of this blog post.

I have too many flies in my flybox. Realized that while camping last weekend. I probably own two dozen different types of flies. But I use two of them almost all the time: Orange Stimulator and a Prince Bead-Head Nymph.

I have too many blog readers who have absolutely no idea what I just said. Orange what?

I have too many books on my reading list, including The Road and Outliers. Why have I not read these yet?

I have too many movies I have not yet watched. To give you an idea how behind I am when it comes to popular culture, I just watched Iron Man last night. For the first time.

I have too many phone books on my desk. There are three. I don't use any of them. When was the last time you used an actual phone book anyway? At least, for something other than a door stop?

I have too many items in this list of "too many," so I'll end it here. Your turn. What do you have too many of? (Hint: "IQ points" is not an appropriate answer.)

Help a Brother Out

It's July, one month before my three new Pocket Guide books release. If you're getting tired of me saying "Pocket Guide," then I have some bad news for you. Over the next couple of months, I'm going to be talking about them a lot. Because that's my job. And this is my blog. And who are you to try and stop me?

(Yes, Mom, I'm talking to you. And also to you, Little Evelyn Talbert. And probably to you, too, new reader Ann. You're the one who commented just yesterday how much you appreciated that I wasn't just using my blog to hawking my own goods while providing links for people to go buy them. So now I'm feeling guilty because that's exactly what I'm doing with this very post...only one day after you praised me for not doing that. Sigh. Please don't leave.)

Anyway, the official release date for the books is August 3. That's a great day to go buy the books at Barnes & Noble (where I hear they'll be available via an out-front promotion), or Borders, or wherever fine pocket-sized books are sold. But I know some of you are good friends of this blog, or you've read and enjoyed my other Pocket Guide books, or you're just generally kind people who have approximately $10 to spare. If that's you, then I have a favor to ask, and it's something you can do right now. No waiting.

It's this: Go to Amazon.com right now and pre-order the books. Amazon is a pretty influential bookseller, as you might know, and sales there are a big influence on the rest of the market. For new, unproven books, they tend to order small quantities at a time. But if pre-orders for a certain title are higher than expected, then this will often mean a significant jump in what Amazon keeps in stock.

And if Amazon starts ordering a bunch, the other stores may follow suit. Exceed expectations at Amazon, and good things can happen.

So if you've been waiting for my books to come out, why not go ahead and pre-order yours today? You'll still get them a month from now, but you'll help me out a lot more than if you waited until the release date. And if you order all three new books -- Pocket Guide to the Afterlife ($9.52), Pocket Guide to Sainthood ($10.36), and Pocket Guide to the Bible ($10.36) -- then you'll probably be eligible for Free Super-Saver Shipping. Woohoo!

(No, I don't know why Afterlife is cheaper. Maybe because they expect it to be more popular? And be advised the the cover art Amazon shows for Sainthood and Afterlife is not accurate. They're using an old version. No idea when this will be fixed. Who knows the mysterious ways of the world's largest book retailer? Not me. Possibly Jeff Bezos?)

If you decide to pre-order any one of these books, let me know in the comments. I can't enter you in a raffle or giveaway or anything, because I hear that's illegal in some states, the equivalent of a lottery or something dubious. But I can give you my undying appreciation, and I'll promise to publicly express my gratitude to you in a forthcoming post. I'll even link to your blog, if you want.

("Wow," you are probably thinking. "You really go all out for us humble blog readers. A real, live hyperlink and a written expression of thankfulness? What a swell guy!")

Meanwhile, I am thinking: You're kind of mean, you know that?

Anyhow, I'd appreciate the pre-orders, if you can swing it. Thanks for reading my books, for reading this blog, for interacting via the comments and contributing to the goofy contests. You are some good people.

Thank you.