I was making fun of inspirational Twitter posts earlier today and @shueytexas reminded me of the clichéd "Hang in There" virtues of the kitten-in-a-tree poster. Which I may or may not have hung in my room as an 11 year-old.
So I thought of a contest. Below is a picture of a cute kitten hanging from a tree. Your job is to come up with the best caption for this poster. The only rules: It must be anti-inspirational. So if you put this photo and your caption together, what you'd end up with is the least inspirational poster ever.
To kick things off, here are a few of my suggestions.
Caption #1:
Hang on as long as you like, but understand the boiling lava will eventually incinerate the tree.
Caption #2:
This kitten may be cute, but unfortunately it slipped right after this photo was taken and broke its leg.
Caption #3:
Bereft of companionship, this cat began hugging trees. Environmentalists are like that.
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Now it's your turn. The caption contest ends at 9 am tomorrow, at which time I'll pick my favorite and send the winner a free, signed copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible.
Ready? Go!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Caption Contest: The Inspirational Kitten
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24 comments:
Soft focus makes you look fat. Looking fat will make you want to jump out of a tree and kill yourself. However, you may then find yourself paralyzed by acrophobia. So, if you're afraid of heights and somebody takes a soft focus photo of you, find a different method of suicide.
Being cute and fuzzy doesn't help much if you're stuck in a tree.
(yes, this is my second, and shorter, attempt...)
Even with life-like poses, Kim's Kitty Taxidermy business just never took off.
-BLOOD-
its spread out so far... I had to get to a higher elevation to see it all. such beauty is in victory.
Every time a firefighter rescues a kitten, a preschool burns to the ground.
No one pays attention to me anyway. Try to find me now, you fools.
Don't think they won't cut down the tree that YOU hide in.
I'm going to borrow one of Jason's proven rhetorical conventions so as to ensure that I'm the winner.
It's the ol' ask-a-question-and-follow-it-with-a-short-statement move.
"Yes, I'm stuck in a tree. Literally. That third branch in the background? Right through my chest."
It isn't curiosity that kills the cat, it's not hiding from all of life's problems.
The big cats sleep in trees. YOU are not a big cat.
Too Dumb for Suicide: Case #101c
Forgot the rope? Go home, Crybaby Kitty
That tree looks suspiciously close to a pitchfork...
Miliseconds before the shot rang out, Kevin glanced through the spotting scope and realized his partner had not treed the rabid cougar after all.
In reviewing the security camera footage frame-by-frame, Steve discovered the horrible truth about the strange stains in the woodchipper.
Even though you may be safe from the high winds, lighting still strikes trees with alarming regularity.
Circumstances are one thing, but at the end of the day if you're still a cat, your life sucks.
The least inspirational? Here ya go . . . . "Jesus take the branch. Take it from my paws."
American Endurance: the ability to cling tightly to the problem before you with blind ambition and ignorant hope.
Hey pussy...jump.
Inspiration for these came from me sitting in my calculus class, a pretty anti-inspirational place...
"Reaching for the stars has never been so easy given today's scientific advancements, too bad your most notable achievement is liking your butt and getting stuck in trees."
"Good thing cats always land on their feet, can't say the same for you."
"Your ambitious spirit has led you on many adventures, this being your last."
Now I feel depressed...
:)
I can't compete with what's here, so I'm voting instead.
#1 Cameron Reeves
#2 BrianinBC...woodchipper
Didn't realize CR had two posts. So clarifying my vote (which you didn't ask for)... taxidermy
Even the most deformed puppies have feelings too!
I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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