Welcome, Jesus Creeders

If you've happened here thanks to a link from Scot McKnight, welcome.

Read this post to learn why I'm selling 9,053 signed copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible.

And while you're here, why not introduce yourself?

Thanks for stopping by.

Voting Has Ended

The polls are closed.

The winner will be announced Monday.

Thanks for voting.

Voting, Herman, and Small Things

Don't forget to vote below for the winner of the Fake Band Name contest. "Rawboned Donkey and the Saddlebags" is currently in the lead, so if you think that's a completely lame name, then you'd better do something about it. Voting closes at noon today (Friday). Central time. I'll let the finalists stew over the weekend and will announce the winner on Monday.

Update: The polls closed at noon.

In other news, things continue to progress for the Give Herman A Dollar Experiment. (If that doesn't ring a bell, read this to catch up.) Our friends Terry Foester and Ben Cooper are continuing to see dollar bills come in for their homeless friend, Herman. A total of $903 individual dollars. When added to a few pledged matches, that provides Herman with more than $2300. That's some serious cash. Terry and Ben are continuing to meet with Herman, are reading him the notes of encouragement that come with the dollar bills, and are looking at some housing options for him.

Last week, the three of them spent time with Nicole from the Shane Claiborne-related "Ordinary Radicals" documentary. They've done radio interviews and been featured in the local newspaper. Just two regular guys doing something small -- for one person -- and it's still being talked about.

We could all stand to find something small and dollar-ish to do for someone today.

Who despises the day of small things? (Zech. 4:10)

Update: Tomorrow is Herman's 58th birthday. Terry and Ben are giving him a party at the park near the place he sleeps. Happy birthday, Herman.

You Decide: Fake Band Names Contest

Posted below are the finalists for the biblical fake band names contest. It was hard to pick a top 5, so I went with a top 6. Because I make the rules.

Thanks to all of you who submitted names. Most of them were pretty good. I picked the finalists based on a complex point system of my own devising.

Points were given to each submission if it had the following traits:

1. It was lifted directly from the Bible, word-for-word.

2. It came from the King James Version.

3. It contained a proper name beginning with the letter Z. (Shut up. I make the rules.)

4. I could totally imagine a band with this name along with their genre of music.

Points were deducted for the following:

1. You took too many liberties with the text, i.e. you summarized rather than quoted a verse.

2. If I looked at your reference verse and found a name better than your submission in the same verse...but you totally missed it.

3. Only a bunch of lame-os -- or a Christian hardcore punk band -- would ever call themselves that.

4. I probably wouldn't wear a shirt with that name on it.

So the finalists are below, in a convenient poll format so you can vote. So vote. I'll close the voting on Friday at noon (central) and announce the winner on Monday. I'm not supplying the names of those who came up with the top 6 entries, but it's not like you can't look them up or anything.

Fake Band Names Contest

Here are my top 6. Choose your favorite:

Throw Down These Horns (Zechariah 1:21) Blight and Mildew (Amos 4:9) Make Haste, Zacchaeus (Luke 19:5) Daughters of Zelophehad (Numbers 27:1) Rawboned Donkey and the Saddlebags (Genesis 49:14) There Was Corn in Egypt (Acts 7:12)

(Sorry -- voting has ended.)

Fake Band Contest Last Day

Today is the final day to submit your entry for the Fake Band Shirts contest. We've had some pretty good ones so far. Remember, I'm picking my five favorite ones and then we'll vote on a winner, who'll receive a free fake band shirt of their choice.

Thanks, by the way, to all of you who've purchased books over the past couple of weeks. I've sold nearly 100 since telling you about my personal stash of 9,053 books.

So...less than 9,000 to go! Wheee!

I also appreciate readers and friends Michael Spencer, Ron Fournier, Tone Hoeft, Bryan Allain (Burnside Writers Blog) and Cara Davis (Cheap Ways to...) who've promoted the sale and linked here. Thanks, guys.

Fun stuff coming up soon here at the blog. Bear with me for one more week, though. My goal is to have finished the first draft of Pocket Guide to the Afterlife by June 1. At which point I'll take a much-needed break from book-writin'.

See You on Tuesday

Back on Tuesday. Have a great Memorial Day.

Contest: Fake Band Shirts

Here's a question I get from time to time: What's the deal with your "fake band shirts" thing? I'll tell you what the deal is: The deal is that fake band shirts are awesome, and everyone needs an awesome shirt.

Actually, it started with Pocket Guide to the Bible. The last chapter of that book -- and also of my upcoming Pocket Guides -- is just a bunch of random lists related to the topic. Because I like lists. And these topics lend themselves to all kinds of list-making.

One of those lists (p. 186) was called Seven Phrases from the Book of Judges That Would Make Awesome Band Names:

1. The Nether Springs (Judges 1:15, KJV)

2. Cushan-Rishathaim (Judges 3:8)

3. The Heads of Oreb and Zeeb (Judges 7:25)

4. Millo (Judges 9:6)

5. Forsake My Sweetness (Judges 9:11, KJV)

6. The Tribe of Dan (Judges 18:30)

7. Certain Sons of Belial (Judges 19:22, KJV)

By far that was my favorite list from the book. And so at one point last year, I kept thinking how -- you know what? -- those really would be great names for a band. And then I started thinking about how people like me think they're cool by listening to or supporting indie bands, especially indie bands no one has heard of. Because we like to be ahead of the curve. We like to be unique. Also, we like t-shirts.

Therefore, the coolest t-shirts are those promoting the most obscure bands.

And what's more obscure than, well, non-existence?

So I took a couple of the names from the list above (Forsake My Sweetness and Certain Sons of Belial) and came up with a couple more great fake band names (Domino Flinch and the Meddlesome Three and Canine Doubletake).

Then I designed logos for these pseudo-bands and printed up a bunch of quality silkscreened t-shirts for them. They're available at www.fakebandshirts.com.

And it all started with Pocket Guide to the Bible.

I think my list of fake band names from Judges is a pretty good one, but I'm sure there are more. And every page of the Bible has some excellent options, especially with the King James Version.

So here's an idea for a contest. Go to Bible Gateway, dig around awhile, and submit your own fake band name from the Bible in the comments. I'll pick a top 5, then we'll vote on it. The winner gets a free shirt of his or her choice.

Heaven and Hell and the Time Spent in Each

Some of you may know I'm currently working on another Pocket Guide book. This one's called (tentatively) Pocket Guide to the Afterlife. It's about what various cultures and religions have thought/taught/believed about what happens after you die. Obviously there's a bunch of Christian stuff in there, including traditional beliefs about heaven and hell.

And because heaven and hell have become something of a mini publishing phenomenon over the past couple of years, I need to cover Don Piper's bestselling book 90 Minutes in Heaven and Bill Wiese's bestselling 23 Minutes in Hell.

(I'm still waiting for 46 Minutes in Irkalla, the Gloomy Netherworld of Mesopotamian Mythology. But I'm not holding my breath.)

Anyway, both the heaven and hell books are pretty interesting when it comes to the subject matter. So, I'm curious...

Have any of you read either of these books?

If so, what did you think?

Did either of these books impact you in any way (positive or negative)?

Please answer and/or review in the comment section.

Sainthood Preview: Carmelites

It's time for another morsel from my upcoming Pocket Guide to Sainthood (Jossey-Bass, 2009). There were (and are) a whole lot of different religious orders, all of which have produced their share of interesting saints. These include Benedictines, Franciscans, Cistercians, and Dominicans.

One of my favorite orders is the Carmelite order. Not because they have a delicious-sounding name. But because there was a huge schism in the Carmelite order about 500 years ago about whether or not going barefoot was an act of deeper holiness than wearing shoes. As someone who would spend my life in flip-flops if it were socially acceptable, this is intriguing to me (flip-flops would have been a middle ground between the two factions, so I like to think I would have been a real peacemaker on this issue). Anyway, here's the Carmelites entry from the glossary chapter.

Carmelite
A member of the religious order founded in the 12th century on Mount Carmel in Israel. Its founder may have been St. Bertold, a former Crusader who got disillusioned with crusading after he had a vision in which Jesus was less than delighted by all the forced conversions. But Bertold’s connection to the order’s founding is only traditional. When asked about their founder, early Carmelites would attribute the order’s origins to Elijah or the Virgin Mary, which was so not very helpful. Even today, no one really knows where the Carmelites came from. Except Jesus, and apparently he has declined comment.

Officially, the Carmelite order is known as the Order of the Brothers of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. Its monks and nuns are strongly devoted to Mary and focus on contemplative (and occasionally mystical) prayer. Back in the 15th and 16th centuries, there were a succession of reforms among Carmelite communities that involved a level of piety tied very closely to whether its nuns or monks could wear shoes. Calced Carmelites wore shoes. Discalced Carmelites went barefoot. The turf wars were brutal.

Please use it in a sentence:
People grew less convinced about Jessica’s desire to become a Carmelite nun when she revealed that the discalced Carmelites were her preference because she loved pedicures, and that kind of life required a lot of them.

Not to be confused with:
Carmel-by-the-Sea, a Californian community of writers, poets, and painters, where you’ll find plenty of people walking around barefoot and having visions. But rarely is Jesus involved.

Ambidextrous Fandom

The great bishop, saint, and trinitarian apologist Gregory of Nyssa once described his brother, St. Basil, as having a "two-handed faith." Basil's faith, Gregory said, was ambidextrous, because he could accept pleasures with one hand and suffering with the other hand and he was convinced that both were part of God's plan for him, both could lead to worship, both were avenues toward faith.

I know what that's like now.

On the one hand I have my Chicago Cubs, a team about which my wife and I are passionate. We're going to Chicago in July to watch games at Wrigley. We watch games together when they're on WGN at home. We sometimes record afternoon games so we can watch them at night after the kids go to bed. (Baseball on DVR, by the way, is a brilliant advance in technology. You can condense a three-hour game down to about an hour with judicious commercial skipping and the occasional fast-forwarding of, say, managerial trips to the mound and other in-game time-wasters.)

As a Cubs fan, I also loathe the Cubs' arch-nemeses, the Cardinals. I respect Tony LaRussa as a manager, but don't like him much. I respect Albert Pujols as a hitter and all-around person, but don't like him out of principle. I think Rick Ankiel's story -- though it's recently been tainted by performance-enhancing drug accusations -- is one of the best in baseball (he once was a young, up-and-coming pitcher who forgot how to throw strikes and became a headcase, eventually being forced out of baseball because of it...so he transformed himself into a power-hitting outfielder and, several years later, now starts again for the Cards).

So I've always respected the Cardinals but never really liked them. But there's one Cardinal I have never even respected. Never. His name was Jim Edmonds. He was arrogant. He had dark hair with dorky looking frosted tips. He pouted after EVERY. SINGLE. CALLED. STRIKE. He stood too long to admire his home runs. He made amazing catches as a centerfielder, but most of baseball has always suspected he turned routine plays into diving catches by timing his approach...just so he'd look awesome doing it. Jim Edmonds was a flopper. A surly, full-of-himself, whiny, goofy-looking flopper. All Cubs fans hated him, more than any other Cardinal ever. Ever!

And now Jim Edmonds is a Cub. He's been a pretty bad player for the last couple of years. He's close to 40. He's a little slower than he used to be. He lost his power stroke. He ended up playing centerfield for the San Diego Padres this year, but was hitting something like .180. So they released him. Goodbye, hair-highlighted flopper.

And then the Cubs claimed him off of waivers. Jim Edmonds is now a Cub. And Cubs fans everywhere are experiencing ambidextrous faith as a result. When he started his first game in Cubbie blue on Friday, he was booed after every at-bat...except for the one where he got a hit. Then he was cheered politely. Cubs fans are confused. We want the Cubs to win. We want Jim Edmonds to fail. It used to be that his failure was good for the Cubs. But now? We need him to succeed, even though that goes against everything we have ever wanted.

When Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano -- who has had in-game run-ins with Edmonds in the past -- was asked what he thought about the new signing, he let out a short "No comment" and refused to say anything else. Obviously.

So with our right hands we pump our fists for the Cubs. With our left hands we flip the bird toward Jim Edmonds. Now we're going to have to bring those two hands together to cheer for both.

It is excruciating. Help us, St. Basil.

Update: I couldn't bring myself to post a photo of Stupid Jim Edmonds wearing a Cubs uniform, so Bryan at Prayers for Blowouts did it for me. You can see it here. Don't look at it too long, though, as it can melt your brain.

Three Things That Make Me Smile Today

Sad? Discouraged? Depressed? Here are three things to cheer you up:

1. It is now OK for Christians to believe in aliens. This according to the Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, a Jesuit who directs the Vatican Observatory (who knew the Vatican had its own observatory!). In an interview with L'Osservatore Romano, which I used to look forward to reading each month before my subscription expired, Rev. Funes says, "How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?...Just as we consider earthly creatures as 'a brother,' and 'sister,' why should we not talk about an 'extraterrestrial brother'? It would still be part of creation."

Of course, this also leads to some complications. If aliens are God's creatures, too, does that means it's wrong for us to destroy their battleships when they show up to annihilate us? Or to house their corpses in top-secret underground government facilities for research purposes? Maybe Christians should only consider cute aliens like Ewoks or E.T. or the little green ones as God's creatures. If only for reasons of self-defense.

2. Other Christians are trying to protect me from certain harm, mainly in the form of seeing boobies on my Starbucks cup. This is a relief, because the combination of caffeine-consumption and breast-viewing can really me up, spiritually speaking. According to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, there's a Christian group in San Diego for whom the too-hot-even-for-coffee depiction of a topless mermaid on the newly designed cup is yet another example of our culture's decay. According to the group's leader, Mark Dice, the logo "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," he said in a news release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks." Which, incidentally, is the name of a new coffee-shop venture just announced by the Hooters chain of restaurants. (Rimshot!)

(H/T: Matthew Paul Turner)

3. This text ad recently appeared above my Gmail in-box:

Toenail Fungus Cure - ToeNailFungus.PublicHealthForum.com - How to cure toenail fungs in 1 week Written by a well known auther.

I, for one, am always interested in curing my nasty toenail fungs. And if there's anyone you can trust for this treatment -- not to mention for a nicely written Google ad -- it's a well-known auther.

--

You're welcome. Have a nice Friday.

Denominations on the Radio

If you're awake between 7:30 and 8 a.m. Eastern (6:30-7 a.m. Central) tomorrow morning, then point your browser toward WCRF Radio in Cleveland to hear parts 5 and 6 of a six-part interview I did with host Mark Zimmerman about my "6 Denominations in 6 Weeks" experiment.

You could have listened to parts 1 and 2 yesterday morning and parts 3 and 4 today, but I forgot to tell you about it. Also, that's really early for most of us. It's probably too much to ask anyway.

There are a lot of things I expect from you readers.

• I expect you to leave a comment on the Who Are You? post.

• I expect you to buy a copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible (see sidebar at left) if you don't already own one, because $6.99 is beans for a signed copy of a book personally shipped and handled by a real-live author. I promise your book will have my own fingerprints on it. (Do not be alarmed: I wash my hands frequently.)

• I also expect you to brush your teeth twice daily and adhere to most local, state, and federal laws. I expect you to visit this blog occasionally. I expect you to be nice, in general.

But I do not expect you to set your alarms for way early in the morning so you can get up and listen to me ramble for 10 minutes on a Cleveland radio show. That's going too far. And I know where to draw the line: I'm not above asking for your time and money...just not an unreasonable amount of time or an unreasonable amount of money.

That's just the kind of guy I am.

Matthew Paul Turner Interview (Part 2)

Yesterday, author/speaker/blogger Matthew Paul Turner stopped by for Part 1 of an interview during his blog tour to promote his new book Hokey Pokey. Here's Part 2 of the interview. Enjoy...

--

I know you talked to a lot of other people as you researched Hokey Pokey. What did you learn about other young adults during that process?

As people who profess Christianity—not just young adults—often when we talk about our personal stories, we don’t feel the freedom to tell the truth about our lives. That’s because it’s easier to tell processed versions of our stories, the ones that could be used in sermon examples or written in inspirational books. Most of them have heroes and end with a victory. But that’s not always real life. The details of our stories don’t always add up to “victory in Jesus”—maybe that’s a coming story for all of us—but it’s not the story of the moment.

Consider this: because I am a writer who is published by Christian publishing houses, I can only be so truthful about my life. If I were to write down the whole truth, it would either end up being edited or I wouldn’t get published. I’m not suggesting that what I write is a bunch of lies—it’s not—I’m just saying it’s not my entire story.

What do you see resulting from that lack of freedom?

It's fear. I think this fear that so many of us feel cripples our ability to figure out our calling. But again, our reasons for fearing are legitimate. We’re afraid what people might think of us. Or we’re afraid we might get disowned by our families. Or we’re afraid of punishment—earthly or eternal.

I met a good number of Christian young people who want to be honest, but aren’t convinced it’s worth the cost. And I believe that’s understandable, considering I know the “costs” involved. But it’s also sad.

This is sort of an awkward transition considering how you ended that last paragraph, but...What tips do you have for beginning writers looking to someday get their own book published?

Here are a few ideas that I think might help a beginning writer. It’s certainly not exhaustive, but I’m refraining from making too much noise, remember?

I would answer that but I live in fear of contributing too much to the noise.

Shut up. Here are my tips.

1) Write. Write every chance you get. On blogs. For local newspapers. Anyplace. Then share your musings with people who will be blatantly honest with you about the writing.

2) Learn how to tell a story. Whether it’s your own story or somebody else’s—that doesn’t matter—just learn how to write it down in the most interesting and truthful way possible. Nobody is an expert, but some writers are much better than others. And all of us can improve.

3) Have a voice. What sets you apart from Donald Miller or Anne Lamott or Elizabeth Gilbert? There’s got to be something that makes you different than other writers. Is it your style or your perspective or your humor or your tone? Or all of the above?

4) Take your idea to the local bookstore. Okay, so once you think you’ve gotten a good idea, go to a bookstore or online at Amazon.com and see who has already come up with that idea. Just because there’s another book already out there doesn’t mean your idea is a cliché necessarily, it just might mean you need to tweak it some or come up with more creative way of presenting it. But if there are ten books on the same topic, then you might have a cliché.

You've built a pretty nice blog community at JesusNeedsNewPR. How has it helped you as a writer? What advice do you have for beginning bloggers looking to build an online readership?

I enjoy blogging. It gives all of us a way to share our opinions and stories, no matter how pointless they are or we think they are. I think it helps with marketing books or getting the word out that you have a new one coming out. But for me it’s just a way to stay in touch with readers who want to know what’s going on in my life or blog readers who happen to think I’m sometimes funny.

If you’re going to be serious about blogging, I think it needs to be somewhat informational, opinionated, and entertaining. The most successful blogs usually have those three qualities. My blog isn’t very informational, but I do have opinions and I try to be entertaining.

I guess mine is more informational and maybe entertaining. Between the two of us, we're an ideal blogger. A couple more questions: What's one thing that most people don't know or understand about writing and/or publishing books?

I am not rich. Period. Some writers do become rich. But ninety-nine percent of us are not.

I can confirm this.

Thanks. Number two, sometimes it sucks being at home in front of my computer. My job is not glamorous. And even when you get your first book in stores—you know, the one that feels like its your baby—be prepared for the possibility that your publisher might neglect your child by leaving it all alone in their warehouse or not tell anybody that it’s sitting on bookshelves.

Or your publisher might stop publishing books altogether. I'm speaking in a general sense, of course, and not referring to any specific publisher with whom I may or may not have once had a relationship.

Noted. Anyway, I know that sounds negative. It’s not meant to be. It’s just the truth.

Ouch. Mine was sorta meant to be negative. What's the most challenging thing for you in the process of writing a book? How did you deal with that challenge while working on Hokey Pokey?

One of the biggest challenges is that I sometimes wake up in the morning and don’t want to write. I usually end up trying to force myself to get something down on paper, or I read a book by one of my favorite authors and pray that it will inspire me to have something to say. Sometimes those ideas don’t work, and so I end up just taking a break or writing crap. Not literally. But it would be sort of cool if I could, huh?

No. That would not be cool at all. In fact, if it ever becomes a reality for you, I don't want to know about it.

In the middle of writing Hokey Pokey, I became depressed. Not because of the book, but because of some personal stuff happening in my life. It wasn’t clinical depression—I’ve experienced that before—but it was enough to make it very difficult to write a book about “calling.” I’m not sure I really “dealt with it” while writing Hokey. Honestly, my editor and publisher were very patient and graciously gave me time to do a rewrite.

What's the best advice you can give to someone trying to figure out what to do with their life?

Honestly, if I were to answer this question, I would be going against most of what I talk about in the book. There isn’t one easy answer to figuring out life, and that’s a very good thing.

Sorry, then. I take that question back. One more, then, and you can't dodge this one by saying "it goes against the theme of my book" or some other nonsense. Do you have a favorite member of the Fat Albert gang? Who and why?

Probably Dumb Donald. As a kid, I would have loved having the courage to cover up my face.

I agree completely. Thanks, Matthew, for including us on the blog tour. Good luck with the book!

Thanks Jason for the interview!

--

Visit Matthew Paul Turner's blog, Jesus Needs New PR.

Buy Hokey Pokey.

And the first two people who buy a copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible (see sidebar) and then email me after the transaction with the subject line "Hokey Pokey" will get a free copy of Hokey Pokey in addition to your signed Pocket Guide.

Matthew Paul Turner Interview (Part 1)

Matthew Paul Turner is a fellow writer and long-time digital friend (one of those weird cyber-friendships where we've known each other for years but have never actually hung out in person) who has recently released a new book, Hokey Pokey, on the subject of exploring one's calling in life. Matthew's books are funny, insightful, and filled with great personal stories. Anyone at the stage in life where they're trying to figure out who they are and what they're supposed to do will find great comfort in a book like Hokey Pokey.

Matthew was kind enough to stop by here as part of his international blog tour to promote Hokey Pokey (which, by the way, is as fun to type as it is to say...especially in italics). Here's Part 1 of the interview, which will continue tomorrow. When you've finished reading, stop by his blog (Jesus Needs New PR) and say hi.

JB: Hey, Matthew. Thanks for bringing your blog tour to our neighborhood.

MPT: Hey Jason! Thanks for being a part of my “blog tour.” What does “blog tour” mean anyway? I’m not touring anywhere. In fact, I’m doing this interview from the comfort of my living room. Maybe it’s one of those things that we’ll only understand in Heaven, like grace and tonsils.

And a reason for the existence of mosquitoes, if I have my way. So, tell us about the book. What is it about, who is it for, and why did you choose the idea of “calling” as the subject?

MPT: The book is called Hokey Pokey: Curious People Finding What Life’s All About. As you said, it’s about “calling.” But this isn’t one of those “seven-steps to figuring it out” life books; it’s more about the frustrations and obstacles one might face in the process of “figuring it out.” I talk about calling being a “journey,” one that involves curiosity.

We talk a lot here about the nitty-gritty details of writing -- like how it works and what it looks like. How did you become a writer and get your first book published?

Five years ago I lost my job at CCM Magazine. The one thing I really enjoyed about that job—other than the people—was writing. Because of an email relationship that I had with Cameron Strang at Relevant, he and I almost immediately began talking about book ideas. We ended up landing on the concept for The Christian Culture Survival Guide. So I had a book deal like four weeks after I lost my job. At the time though, Relevant was a small publisher and since I knew Cameron, I didn’t have to go through the normal loopholes to get a book deal.

So was writing a book always a goal for you?

Writing was never my goal. Of course, I did have that one book idea—you know, the one that everybody thinks they have—and like everybody, I believed my idea would sell millions. But other than that, I sort of tripped into writing. Was it a “God-thing”? Maybe. But I don’t know that for sure.

Do you have an agent? If so, do you recommend beginning writers get an agent? If not, why not?

I don’t have an agent. I’m in the process of looking for one now. Some might disagree, but I’ve never needed an agent. But I don’t believe that’s “normal.” Since I’ve never had an agent, I can’t answer the second part of that question.

Good enough. Another question: What is the writing process like for you? What does it look like?

Do I have a process? Hmm. Well, I try to write something everyday. Sometimes that happens, and sometimes I just sit and stare at my laptop, look at blogs, or check my sales numbers at Amazon.com. I’d like to be cool enough to say that I don’t ever do that, but I’m not.

I don't ever do that.

(crickets)

Anyway, when I write I usually do it at home. I sit on my red couch and write most of the day. When my wife gets off work, I take a break until she goes to bed, and then I usually write for at least a couple more hours. That varies to some degree in the weeks leading up to a hardcore deadline.

Do you make it up on the fly or work from an outline?

I usually have a little bit of an outline when I write a book, but I’ve found that hardcore outlines limit my ability to think and write creatively, and so I try to avoid them whenever possible.

Was the process of writing this book any different from your other books? Did you do anything new?

I did travel to several cities to conduct interviews for this book. A friend and I went out on the road and talked to people about their calling. We talked to pastors, a homeless man, a CEO of a major company—people with lots of varying views and definitions about the topic. But other than that, my books processes are pretty much the same.

What did you learn about yourself in the process of writing Hokey Pokey? Did it confirm or clarify anything about your own calling?

I probably learn a little something about myself in every book that I write. With this one, I relearned the importance of listening and how much it relates to “calling.” I relearned the need for me to listen to God. To other people. To my heart. All of these things. I’m naturally a talker. I can talk all the time, and even though I appreciate the words and thoughts I have to say, most of the time, my talk is just noise that I create with my mouth. And in regards to calling, those of us who want to make a difference in the world and also “find ourselves” in the process, it’s so important to listen.

For me, that lesson led to a lot questions about my calling as a writer. I realize that “writer” isn’t my only calling as a human being. But it’s the part of my life that creates the most “noise,” and how much noise is one person supposed to create. I sometimes think about what Oprah feels when she gets home and she’s sitting in her living room all by herself. Is she annoyed by the noise she creates?

I guess the one thing I’ve learned about writing is that, while it’s my way of making a living, I no longer want to write just to be busy or to have money in my checking account. Which in the Christian market is a great temptation, because unless you have a hit book, writers don’t make a ton of money. So it’s imperative sometimes to keep writing, and creating noise. The stuff that I will write in the future will hopefully be stuff that I believe in, am passionate about, and will reveal my heart to be a good listener.

----------

Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of the interview, in which Matthew and I discuss truthiness in the Christian market, what it takes for beginning writers to get their feet wet in the publishing world, and how he uses his blog to connect with his readers.

Buy Matthew Paul Turner's Hokey Pokey.

DON'T buy this Hokey Pokey book. It is enjoyable enough but you'll probably be disappointed.

Nine Thousand Fifty-Three

Last week, a truck bearing four pallets and a couple thousand pounds of freight rolled into Amarillo. On that truck were all the not-yet-sold copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible still existing in the world today, give or take a few. The total number of those copies? 9,053. Packed into many, many boxes. Too many to store in my garage.

And I own them all. They're mine. All mine.

Here's the deal. Relevant Books published my first Pocket Guide -- Pocket Guide to the Apocalypse -- in early 2005. It was moderately successful, thanks in no small part to its being picked up in Wal-Mart stores nationwide. Within a few months of that release we began revising and repackaging my very first book, Things You Should Know by Now (2004), into another Pocket Guide book called Pocket Guide to Adulthood. It came out in late 2005. Then in 2006, we published Pocket Guide to the Bible, which was and still is one of my favorite books. In late 2006, Relevant made the decision to stop publishing books.

This made me sad. Because I had always envisioned the Pocket Guide concept as a series -- a "brand," for you marketing folks -- of small, fun, entertaining-yet-educational books about big religious subjects. I was dreaming big. I wanted to write a dozen Pocket Guide books and see them all on a shelf like those Chicken Soup for Your Parole Officer's Soul books. Me and Relevant...we were gonna take on the world of pocket-sized book publishing.

But it was not to be. So Relevant has still been selling my books -- including Pocket Guide to the Bible -- in their back catalog, but haven't been actively promoting them. Then, at the end of last year, I signed a deal with Jossey-Bass, a publishing imprint of the huge Wiley publishing behemoth. (Wiley knows its way around reference series, as it publishes Cliffs Notes, and Frommer's travel guides, and all those ...For Dummies books.) Much to my delight, Jossey-Bass shared my enthusiasm for the Pocket Guide brand and we decided to relaunch the series in the summer of 2009 with three books. One of these books is Pocket Guide to Sainthood, as I've made clear with several posts of advance content. Another one is Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, which I'm writing now. It's about heaven and hell and ghosts and all kinds of fun stuff.

And the third one? It's Pocket Guide to the Bible -- just like the original, only revised and rereleased and repackaged by Jossey-Bass.

Because I sold Relevant the rights to that book when we first published it in 2006, I had to purchase those rights back to allow Jossey-Bass to republish it next year. And you know what buying back the rights entailed, in this case? Purchasing the existing inventory of Pocket Guide to the Bible. All 9,053 books in the Relevant warehouse. Nine thousand fifty-three.

Nutshell: I have a whole freaking lot of books on my hands. And I would like to unload as many of them as possible. I got a pretty good price per book in my buy-back, so that means I can pass on considerable savings to you. The list price for Pocket Guide to the Bible is $11.99. You can get it on Amazon right now for $9.59. But I'll sell it to you for $6.99 AND I'LL SIGN IT because I'll be shipping it to you myself. No middle men. No bookstores. No sales clerks. Just me and a pen and a literal ton of books and some mailing tape.

But wait! It gets better! Over the last couple of years I've heard from a number of college ministries and Bible study groups and even university classes that have used the book as a non-threatening introduction to the Bible. For larger groups needing copies of the book, I'm offering an even deeper discount: $3.99 per book if you buy a carton of 48. (Why 48? Because that's how many fit in a box.) And I'll still ship them to you myself and sign each and every one of them. That's how I roll.

College and/or young adult ministers? Here's a unique, inexpensive giveaway idea.

Youth ministers? Here's a cheap bunch of graduation gifts. (This would be a good time to quote from Internet Monk Michael Spencer's gracious review of PGTTB: "As a professional communicator with young people, this book is gold for me.")

Bible teachers? I'll let Mr. Spencer say it once more: "...a great gift for anyone who works with the Bible: pastors, seminary profs, students, teachers. When you have to take on a subject professionally, a book like this can awaken fresh appreciation with some humor and insight." (Thanks again, iMonk.)

Regular people? Be a peach and buy a whole box of signed copies for your friends and family. Finish up your Christmas shopping in May. Do you know a college minister or youth minister or Bible teacher? Send them right here.

I have no further reason to beat around the bush, so here's the hard sell: I have a lot of books. I would like to sell some of them to you. That's why you'll see buttons in the sidebar to the left. Click on those to buy your very own signed copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible. The "BUY NOW" button will take you to a secure Paypal window where you can pay for your books using your credit card or Paypal account. Then when you're done, you'll be directed back here. I'll get your signed books to you post-haste, and maybe I'll even send a nice personal note.

It's the great Pocket Guide sales event, and it'll last at least until summer 2009. (Insert explosion sound and flashing graphics here.) Don't miss it!

Coming Soon

A few items of interest should be happening next week here at jasonboyett.com. They are as follows:

1. I recorded an interview today with Moody Radio in Cleveland (WCRF -- 103.3 fm). Probably about a 30-minute interview with their morning show host Mark Zimmerman about the "6 Denominations in 6 Weeks" article in Relevant. A good opportunity to discuss with Mark some of the differences between the church services I attended and some of the things I learned from the process -- including some insights that didn't make it into the article. It may end up being a two-parter that will air sometime next week. I'll let you know when in case you want to listen live.

2. Next Tuesday and Wednesday, this blog will be participating in a blog tour for my friend and fellow writer Matthew Paul Turner. MPT has a new book out called Hokey Pokey: Curious People Finding What Life's All About, about the subject of finding meaning in life and pursuing a calling. He's a fellow blogger with a funny, quirky outlook on things. We both got our book-writing start at Relevant and share a similar sensibility, so expect a couple of fun posts out of my MPT interview.

3. Watch for a BIG announcement next week regarding my 2006 book Pocket Guide to the Bible. If you've just been waiting and waiting for a perfect gift opportunity for a friend, loved one, arch-nemesis, or upcoming high school graduate, put it off until next week. Then stop by here. You'll be glad you did.

The Red Balloon (Le Ballon Rouge)

Some of you aren't old enough to remember the days before VHS tapes. Back then, when we watched movies in school they were on film. With clunky projectors. And if you were watching a film with multiple reels, there was always that cool click...click...flapflapflapflapflap when the first reel ended but kept spinning while the film whipped against the projector.

I'm pretty sure I remember the operation of the projector more than I remember much of the films I used to watch in elementary school or at church or at the public library for storytime. The old Disney Swiss Family Robinson movie was always a favorite, along with The Shaggy Dog — which I enjoyed but distinctly remember creeping me out a little.

But scenes from two films — both of them pretty much dialogue-free, if I remember right — have stayed with me ever since those old days. The first is a French film from the 1950s called The Red Balloon (Le Ballon Rouge). It's the story of a little boy who plays with a balloon all day on the streets of Paris, until a bunch of neighborhood bullies "kill" the balloon in an excruciating death scene involving a slingshot and stomping. I've always held a mental image of that impossibly round, shiny, thick-skinned balloon with a thick string attached to it, so unlike today's thin oval balloons...and the sound of the kid's feet clomping down the cobblestone streets as he chased the balloon. Do any of you remember this film?

Fun fact: It won an Oscar in 1956 for Best Original Screenplay...the only dialogue-free film ever to win that honor.

The Red Balloon has recently been released on DVD, and a brand-new film by a Taiwanese filmmaker has just come out in homage to it. The new film is called The Flight of the Red Balloon. You can read more about both films here. Jog your memory with this clip:




The other childhood film still lodged in my brain -- and I actually remember the first time I watched it as a 4-year-old, and in what room at my church -- is called Paddle-to-the-Sea. It's based on a 1944 children's book of the same name, about a boy in Canada who carves a little wooden boat out of wood and puts it in a lake near his house. We follow the boat as it traverses the Great Lakes and eventually ends up on the St. Laurence River and into the Atlantic Ocean. "I am Paddle-to-the-Sea," the kid carves on the bottom of the boat. "Please put me back in the water."

It came out in 1966 and also was Oscar-nominated. Anybody see or remember this one?





I've got some serious nostalgia brewing as I think about and watch clips of these two films. What about you? What random films or movies from your childhood still give you the happies?

I Doubt It

Crazy day today, for various health- and work-related reasons. So no real and/or official and/or super creative post or anything. My apologies.

Instead, I'll direct you to my latest piece for TrueU.org. It's called "I Doubt It: How to Deal with Uncertainty." It is (hopefully) an honest look at some faith issues I continue to struggle with, and how I'm learning to handle it. It's also a topic that I'll be turning into a book later this year for Zondervan, once all the Pocket Guides are finished. Publication in late 2009.

So...there you go.

Have you commented on the "Who Are You?" post yet? If not, now's the time.

Dorkiness, Part 2

In response to last week's article about my unfortunate levels of personal dorkiness -- and, apparently, the dorkiness of some of you blog readers -- my cyber-friend Ken Grant sent me a link to an old post from his blog. Back in August, Ken took the time to transcribe the lyrics to "White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yancovic. This, it must be said, is an extremely dorky action in itself. But then Ken went so far as to assign point values to the examples of overly caucasian nerdiness defined in the song by Weird Al. This is truly a gift, because now we can all read the song's lyrics, add up our geeky values, and then boast about it.

Here's a sample:

I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
(5 points if you have ever played ping pong, 10 points if you are good at it, 30 points if you've ever played in an organized tournament)

I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
(10 points if you've ever won a game of trivial pursuit)

Guilty of both. (In fact, unchristianly proud of my abilities to dominate in contests of trivia and ping-pong.)

So according the Ken Grant survey of white nerdiness, I score a 338. According to Ken's breakdown, this makes me only borderline nerdy. I can hang with the Dork Elite, but they mock me behind my back. To be very honest, I am delighted about this. This may, in fact, be the sweet spot of nerdiness.

What about you? Take Ken's quiz and report your score in the comments.

25 Ways to Tell If You're a Dork

People like lists. I'm a blogger of the people. So here you go...

25 Ways to Tell If You're a Dork

1. You find yourself silently inserting the phrase "...weeeeeeth a herring!" at the end of any command beginning with the words "You must..."

2. You could tell me not only what movie the above phrase came from, but you could also quote the command that proceeded it.

3. You have a profoundly negative opinion of Scrappy-Doo.

4. You know the actual words behind the acronyms TIFF, EPS, HTML, and JPEG. And this makes you feel superior to the ignorant people who don't.

5. You just found yourself wondering about the fantasy baseball implications of Max Scherzer's recent call-up and addition to the Diamondbacks rotation.

6. In your mind, if not aloud, you like to refer to Anglican theologian N.T. Wright as "The Bish."

7. You have boasted, in a public forum, about your ability to perform tricks on a trampoline.

8. You have inadvertently used the word "frak" as a pseudo curse word, because you watch way too much Battlestar Galactica.

9. You often find yourself suggesting to your kids that they get out their Legos, because you personally enjoy making stuff out of Legos than doing just about anything else.

10. You know most of the words to all of the songs on both High School Musical soundtracks.

11. ...and some of the dance moves, too.

12. You have a blog. You often check how many people are reading your blog. And this is important to you.

13. You were using a Mac on a daily basis in 1994, before anyone thought it was cool. And this is important to you.

14. You find yourself randomly quoting dialogue from shows like "30 Rock" or "Arrested Development" or even "Friends," and feeling a profound sense of shared experience when people get it, and an empowering sense of cultural superiority when they don't.

15. It annoys you when people don't use the word "blog" properly. Like when they say, "I wrote four blogs last week" when they should have said "I wrote four blog posts last week" or "I posted four times on my blog last week." Because seriously, don't they know?

16. You have almost resorted to physical violence over grammatical miscues like their/there and its/it's and your/you're.

17. You have been annoyed at another person's inability to perform efficient, accurate Google searches.

18. You have encountered another person riding a bike while on your own bike, and they were going a little slower than you, and you were going to pass them anyway but you started pedaling a lot harder right before you passed him or her as if to say, "Check out my impressive rate of speed!"

19. You jog the half-mile from your house to the gym and then pass judgment on the people slaving away on the treadmills who probably drove their SUVs to the gym, because had they jogged like you they could have saved a) time on the treadmill; b) gas; and c) the planet. And then you feel bad about being so judgmental and full of yourself.

20. You alluded to the "Book of Kells" at lunch today at Whataburger for pretty much no other reason than to stun your lunch companion with some random nugget of Church history.

21. ...and then you mentioned it on your blog for the same reason.

22. You can hear the phrase "#16 Prince Bead-Head Nymph" and know exactly what that means and what it looks like.

23. You can remember the Chicago Cubs 1988 opening day lineup, but can't remember to do something your wife asked you to do this morning.

24. You can name all eight members of the Fat Albert gang. And you have a favorite.

25. You write a list like this and every single entry applies to you.