Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Veterans Day Post: Meeting Paw-Paw

Today is Veteran's Day. The veterans in my family include my wife's grandparents (Eddie & Sunny Storseth), both of whom served as officers in the Navy; my maternal grandfather, John E. Brown, who served in the military police for the Marines; and my paternal grandfather, John Boyett, who became a Nazi prisoner-of-war during World War II.

I posted this last year on Veteran's Day, but in honor of the veterans in my family I'm going to re-run it today.

-----------------

The Day I Met Paw-Paw
A vintage WWII bomber, a harrowing story, and a new perspective ...

When I was a kid, I thought I knew my grandfather. His name was John Boyett, but we called him "Paw-Paw." He had a broad nose and a neck crisscrossed with wrinkles. He smelled like a blend of the minty Copenhagen he dipped and the sawdust of his workshop. He built stuff, and had all kinds of tools. He watched “The Today Show” during breakfast and listened to Paul Harvey at lunch and always made us grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches. He sang a barrel-deep bass.

I thought I knew Paw-Paw, until I went to an air show with him when I was 12. One of the aircraft on display was an old, World War II-era B-17 Bomber, the legendary “flying fortress.” It was open for viewing, so Paw-Paw took me aboard. As we climbed inside, he began to tell me about the plane: where the bombs were stored and how they were released, where the guns were stationed and the size of the bullets, what kinds of missions the planes flew and in what theaters. I was impressed. He knew a lot about this airplane.

“How do you know all this stuff?” I asked from the back of the fuselage.

“Because I was sitting right about where you are when we got shot down.” My eyes grew as wide as Paw-Paw’s nose, but he kept talking.

“The wings caught fire, and the heat was about to weld the door shut. I couldn’t see anything because of the smoke. So I backed up right there"--he pointed to the fuselage wall opposite the hatch through which we’d just entered--"and I jumped at the door with both feet. Went right through and started falling until I remembered to open my parachute.” Then his voice dropped an octave. “Most of my buddies died.”

“Were you hurt?” I asked. He lifted a pants leg to show me a cluster of pock-marked scars. “Got hit by some shrapnel,” he said. I had to ask what “shrapnel” was.

Before long, I’d heard most of the story--at least, the parts he wanted to tell me. Based in Italy, my granddad was on one of his last bombing runs as a 21-year-old side-gunner and flight engineer on the B-17, when his plane encountered enemy fire over Austria. After reluctantly bailing from his post--and his plane-he parachuted directly into Nazi territory. Paw-Paw ended up in a succession of German prisoner-of-war camps. He spent more than a year in captivity, subsisting on watery “stew” and thinking he’d never see his family again. He held on mentally by reading and rereading a bundle of letters from his bride and my grandmother, Mary Ellen, whom he’d left behind in Hollis, Oklahoma.

His escape came as suddenly as his capture. Paw-Paw and a number of other prisoners were eventually herded out of the camp and forced into a cross-country trek at the end of winter, in temperatures so cold he had to set fire to his precious letters to keep his fingers from freezing. “It was intended to be our death march,” he told me. After months of marching over nearly 500 miles, the captors and prisoners neared the Germany-Poland border. Without warning, a Jeep crested the hill ahead of them, driven by a British colonel who’d become lost and accidentally veered into enemy territory. Paw-Paw’s German guards assumed it was the lead vehicle in an Allied assault, and they fled. The prisoners stood there stunned, alone and shivering. They had stumbled into freedom, liberated by a Brit’s bad navigation.

I thought I knew Paw-Paw until I heard him tell this story inside the hollow shell of a vintage airplane. His version is usually punctuated with much greater detail, buttressed by self-deprecating humor and, occasionally, some sadness. He tells it rarely. It’s a powerful story, but a difficult one--he didn’t speak of those events at all until many years after the war. I realize now there is much I don’t know about my grandfather. The man I do know was made during those months as a POW, during that march, upon that liberation. To know Paw-Paw is to know his story.

In recent months, he has confessed to our family that he never really knew why God let him survive that flight, or those months in the Stalag, or the death march. At least, he didn’t know until his kids grew up. Then my generation arrived--my brother and sister and me, and our cousins. My brother runs an apartment ministry. My sister worked for Young Life. One cousin is a teacher. The others are doting fathers and husbands. Had Paw-Paw died in the war? We’d never have existed. “It’s for you kids,” he tells us, his voice breaking with emotion. “That’s why I survived. So you guys can be here. And for them, too.” He nods toward our sons and daughters. His great-grandchildren, full of promise and potential.

In his mind, we’re here--all of us--to change the world he helped save in World War II. We’re here to show love. To live lives of compassion. To raise our families and communicate truths and impact the places where we’ve ended up. We’re here because Paw-Paw survived. And because I know his story, I continually ask myself if I’m measuring up. Like the elderly title character at the end of “Saving Private Ryan,” I see my granddad and I wonder: Was I worth it? Am I good enough? Is my life worthy of his sacrifices? Is who I am worthy of his amazing survival? Does the legacy I’m creating justify the legacy he left me?

If the answer to any of those is “no,” then things need to change. When I first heard his story, Paw-Paw changed. Every time I reflect upon it, I change.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

7 Things I Have Learned from Sesame Street

As you probably have realized upon visiting Google the last few days, today marks the 40th birthday of Sesame Street, a show I loved and feared during my early childhood (see more below).

And loved during my late teens (I discovered an old "Songs from Sesame Street" cassette tape and played the life out of it in my car for most of my 18th year).

And loved it as an adult, too, once my kids began watching some of the old videos.

In honor of its birthday, here are seven things I have learned from Sesame Street:

1. If you want to play the saxophone, it's best to first put down your rubber ducky. This should go without saying, but had it gone without saying we wouldn't have had this wonderful song. Do you always get a silly squeak when you try to play the blues? Might be the duck. You gotta leave the duck alone, man.

2. The alphabet is more beautiful than you think, especially when sung by Kermit the Frog and Ladysmith Black Mambazo. (And even when sung by Big Bird.)

3. You don't need actual words to create an enthralling song. Ma nah ma nah! (Doot do duh doo-doot!) I also learned this, to a lesser extent, from Hanson.

4. REM is awesome. (I knew this before, but it was confirmed upon seeing this for the first time. This was the first and only time, I believe, I have seen Michael Stipe sort of smile.)

5. It's good to eat cookies, even though we have since become aware that "cookies are a sometimes food." (If you drop as many crumbs as Cookie Monster did, you don't get all those calories anyhow.)

6. Sometimes people fall down, but they're usually OK. I couldn't find it on YouTube, but that scene where the waiter falls down the stairs while carrying a tray of pies? It terrified me as a child. I used to have to hide behind the couch every time it came on. (Which was often.) But he always got back up.

7. I've learned that Mr. Hooper isn't coming back, and when that happens, it's OK to be sad.

-------------

What about you? What have you learned from Sesame Street?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Friday Miscellany

It's been an eventful week here at the blog, thanks to the naughty words and romance novels and worship discussion. Which is a weird combination of things, starting the week with pee-poop-panties and ending it with a more serious topic. Anyway, thanks to those of you who participated in all the worship-related conversation. It was fun.

Now, some random stuff for your weekend.

1. Back in August, I did an interview with the gang at Rethink Monthly about my Pocket Guide books, which also ended up discussing the whole Michael Jackson/Heaven/Daily Beast brouhaha and, for some odd reason, Sasquatch. Which is to say, it was an entertaining conversation. If you want to know about the idea behind the Pocket Guides and my thoughts on making readers mad, then give it a listen. (Not sure why the podcast has just now hit the airwaves.)

2. Discovered this week the awesomeness of My Life is Average. You need to discover it, too. Sample entry: Yesterday when I went into the bathroom stall, written on the wall beside me was,"If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach." I laughed hysterically in the stall. I hope nobody heard. MLIA

3. This week featured the rise and fall (but possible resurrection?) of ChristianChirp, a Twitter alternative for Christians. I'm hoping most of my readers will realize how silly the idea is. If not, you should read Kevin Hendricks' recap of it. Good one, Kevin. Bad one, Christian Chirp.

4. Leave it to Internet Monk to write one of the best seize-the-day posts I've ever read, without actually using any clichéd carpe diem language. "There's always a day before." Devastating and inspiring. Live this weekend and be glad in it.

5. Relevant Magazine is holding a Pocket Guide to Sainthood-related contest. Submit your own saint-and-patronage and you might win a $100 gift card. The Great Relevant Saint-Off.

6. Speaking of that, have you purchase Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, Pocket Guide to the Bible, or Pocket Guide to Sainthood yet? You should. Then you should review it on Amazon. But don't take my word for it. Take Nicole Wick's.

I'm out. Have a good weekend. See you next week.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Annoyed by Worship: Solutions

Yesterday we had a good discussion about some of the limitations of worship -- or at least the modern worship movement, even though it defines worship too narrowly as "the singing part of a church service."

And there are a lot of limitations, from vapid songwriting to theological confusion to an over-reliance on psychological/emotional touchstones like key changes, crescendos, and tempos.

I'll readily admit to not being much of a problem-solver. I like to ask questions no one's asking, stir the pot a little, and then let the discussion happen without getting too involved. That approach has its own problems, I know. But that's always been my fleshly thorn: too many questions, and not enough answers. Also, too many chocolate chip cookies, and not enough celery. But that's another blog post.

Let's consider the annoyances mentioned yesterday in both the blog post and the comments and discuss what -- if anything -- can be done to fix them. It's not as simple as saying "We need to return to the ancient hymns," because some of those are just as goofy or inauthentic-sounding as any others. (I can't sing "There is a fountain filled with blood..." without going all Stephen King in the theater of my mind.)

-----------------

How do we worship, then, if we hate the songs?

How do we worship authentically if singing certain lyrics makes us feel fake?

How do we worship if the forms of worship -- the music, the outward expressions, our own hang-ups -- distract us?

How do we re-educate the churchgoing population on the purpose and definition of worship?

How do we worship if we're questioning the purpose of worship in the first place? Can worship occur amidst the struggle to believe?

-----------------

Now that we've complained about it, let's offer some solutions. Let's keep the discussion going. Your turn...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Five Confessions: Annoyed by "Worship"

I have five worship-related confessions to make.

1. I play the drums in the worship band at my church. One reason is because I love to play the drums. It makes me happy. The other reason is that I'd much rather be on stage during the worship time than out in the audience "worshiping." Why? Keep reading. To my possible detriment, I'm gonna tell you.

2. I am perpetually annoyed that we refer to the singing part of a church service as "worship." As in, this is the part of our Christian lives that involves worship, and preferably a kickin' praise band will be around to facilitate it. To think this way ignores pretty much all of the Bible, which makes it clear that worship includes a host of things other than singing -- like giving, serving, sacrificing, pondering, praying. Calling the part of the church service when the singing happens worship is like identifying eating as only that which we do at McDonald's.

3. While singing, ahem, "worship songs," I like to think about the lyrics I'm singing. This inevitably results in two scenarios. First, I get sidetracked by lines that are particularly declarative and say something I would never say (or that I would blush at saying about, well, anything). Take this phrase, for example, from "Here I am to Worship" by Tim Hughes:

You're altogether lovely /Altogether worthy / Altogether wonderful to me.

Never mind the weird parallelism of the altogethers. I am just not an emotional, touchy-feely kind of person. I would never tell someone that they are "lovely" or "wonderful" to me. It's such gooey language and it feels totally weird and inauthentic for me to say. To say that to God? It feels totally fake.

The second scenario is that the song lyrics say something that isn't exactly true for me, or at least not true the moment I'm singing it. Take, for example, a phrase from the chorus of "You Are My King," by Billy Foote.

Amazing love, I know its true / It's my joy to honor you

I'm not always sure what it means for me to honor God. During the times I think I do know, I'm not certain it always brings me joy. Honoring God sometimes requires sacrifice, right? That's not always joyful. I can't always sing lines like this. Either they're too ambiguous to be true for me personally, or they're a flat-out lie.

4. I also get annoyed at the thoughtless banality of many worship songs. Cliches. Dorky rhymes. Meaningless Jesus-is-my-boyfriend language. I realize I can sound like a grumpy crank, but can we not come up with some more creative ways to talk about God than the kind of phrasings that overly rely on adore/Lord and love/above rhyme sequences? What in the world does "open the eyes of my heart" mean anyway? Why are we always asking, in worship songs, for God to "show us Your glory" when God explicitly told Moses that he would die if he beheld His glory? If what we call "worship" is really worship, then why does it have to be so dumb?

5. Because when participating in corporate singing, I think of this lovely and wonderful video, because it is so spot-on when it comes to the outward expression of worship.



Anyway, end of rant. I play the drums because that's the most comfortable place for me to be during the "worship" time, and I am possibly a heartless jerk for thinking this way.

Thanks to my archaeologist/theologian friend Bob Cargill for getting me thinking about the subject.

[The above cartoon is by Dave Walker at CartoonChurch.com.]

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Christian Romance Novel Naughty List

Steeple Hill is a line of Christian women's novels published by Harlequin, the great-granddaddy (or grandmother?) of the romance novel industry. When you think of romance novels, you probably think of a buff, hairless, massively pectoral man clutching a lovestruck maiden with a bosom nearly heaving from her corset. Right? You probably don't think that fits very well within the Christian reading market.

You're correct. (Right: Guess which cover is the Christian one?)

Thanks to a thoughtful email from Bryan Allain, I now have proof how difficult it must be to write a legitimate romance novel--or any novel, for that matter--for Christian readers. He pointed me to this list on the Harlequin/Steeple Hill website. It contains a list of terms that cannot be used in a Steeple Hill novel. You might think it's a joke, but I'm pretty sure it's not.

So I'm just going to reproduce the list verbatim, along with the hilariously clarifying explanations or suggestions accompanying these forbidden phrases. Enjoy.

-------------

Terms that cannot be used in a Steeple Hill novel:

Arousal
Bastard
Bet/betting
Bishop
Bra
Breast (except for breast cancer if necessary)
Buttocks or butt (alternatively, you can say derriere or backside)
Crap
Damn (try "blast" instead)
Darn
Dern/durn
Devil (except in the religious sense, but the circumstances would be rare)
Dang or Dagnabbit
Doody
Father (when used to describe a religious official)
Fiend
For heaven's sake (can use "for goodness' sake" instead)
For the love of Mike
For Pete's sake
Gee
Geez/jeez (but "sheesh" is acceptable)
Gosh
Golly
Halloween
Harlot
Heat (when used to describe kisses)
Heck
Hell (except in the religious sense, but this would be rare)
Holy cow
Hot/hottie
Hunk
Need/hunger (when used to describe non-food-focused state of being)
Pee
Poop
Panties
Passion
Priest
Sexy
Sex
Sexual attraction
Tempting (as applied to the opposite sex)
St. [name of saint]
Swear, as in "I swear..." - Christian characters are not supposed to swear.
Undergarments - of any kind
Whore

The following are allowed only in the context mentioned:
Angel - only when used in a Biblical context
Miracle - only when used in a Biblical context
Oh my God/Oh, God - ONLY allowed when it's clearly part of a prayer
Heavenly - only when used in a Biblical context
Although you can say “He cursed” or mention cursing, do not overuse. Furthermore, only non-Christian characters can curse.

Situations to be avoided:
Kissing below the neck
Visible signs or discussions of arousal or sexual attraction or being out of control
Double entendre
Nudity - people changing clothes "on screen" or any character clad only in a towel
Hero and heroine sleeping in the same house without a third party, even if they're not sleeping together or in the same room
Also, Christian characters should not smoke, drink, gamble, play cards or dance (except in historical novels they may dance but please limit to square dances and balls, no “sexy” dancing like waltzing cheek to cheek), and terms associated with these activities should only be used in connection with bad guys or disapproving of them or such.
Bodily functions, like going to the bathroom, should be mentioned as little as possible and some euphemism may be necessary but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd.

-------------

Brief and pretty much unnecessary commentary:

1) I'm not surprised that such a list exists, though to be honest I'm surprised at the prudish detail of this one. Sure, I guess you don't want a Christian character saying damn (try "blast" instead!) but darn? Durn? Dang? Piety can be so constrictive!

2) The prohibition against "doody" is a good call. Any book for people over the age of 5 should not use the word "doody."

3) Why can't a religious official be referred to as Father? I understand we don't want anyone to say "Golly!" but what do they do when a priest walks by? Do Catholics, Anglicans, or Episcopalians not exist in Steeple Hill? Are these books only to be read by crazed fundamentalists who think Catholic Church is the whore of Babylon? Oops. Sorry. I shouldn't have used the word "whore." Sigh. For Pete's--or, rather, Jerry's--sake.

4) Maybe it's because I live with a six year-old and a nine year-old, but the pee/poop/panties combination made me giggle. And I don't care who knows.

5) "Furthermore, only non-Christians can curse." That's so true. When we Christians try to do it, strange replacement words come out. Like "dagnabbit."

6) "...some euphemism may be necessary but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd." Too late.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Extreme Pumpkin Carving

Because tomorrow is Halloween, I considered coming up with a list of occupations that hadn't yet been given the "Sexy ________" costume treatment. For instance, we have sexy nurses, sexy cops, and sexy librarians. But I've yet to see a sexy lunchlady costume.

But that kind of post would bring the wrong kind of traffic to my blog, and it might possibly be sexist.

So instead, let's all enjoy these awesome photos of carved-up jack-o-lanterns, courtesy of ExtremePumpkins.com.














Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Random Thoughts about Halloween

Seven random thoughts about Halloween:

1. In my family, we grew up pronouncing it "HAL-oween." The hal rhymes with "pal." Lots of my friends and family joined us in that pronunciation. But I knew a lot of others from this area who pronounce it "HALL-oween." The hall rhymes with "ball." So it's not a regional thing, but a very clear difference in pronunciation from family to family. The dictionary supports both pronunciations. I have no idea why people say it differently. How do you say it?

2. I think it's really curious how more and more churches are offering Halloween-alternative "fall festival" types of celebrations at churches. These are events in which kids can dress up and receive candy in "a safe environment." But churches are always very careful not to suggest that this is a Halloween event, because they don't want to attach it in any way to what they view as a possibly evil observance. Right. Having children dress up and receive candy on October 31 clearly has no connection to Halloween whatsoever. Very stealthy, Church.

3. My church is having a Halloween-alternative event in which kids dress up and receive candy. But we are publicly identifying it as a "Halloween Carnival." So take that. (I may have had some influence on this...)

4. One time, around 6th grade or so, I dressed as a flasher for Halloween. Wore shorts, no socks, and my dad's beige trenchcoat. I went trick-or-treating this way, and it was windy and about 40 degrees that night. I was really cold, and gained a newfound respect for flashers. If you look past the perversion, those are some tough dudes.

5. I can't believe my parents let me dress up and walk around the neighborhood as a flasher.

6. Back to the Fall Festivals. Lots of them come with a disclaimer: No scary costumes. Having never attended one of these events, I've always wondered how this was enforced. Do you put a bouncer at the door to turn away the guys in Michael Myers masks? Or the kid wearing this rotting-face child zombie costume? What if the bouncer suffers from a bunch of irrational fears, like coulrophobia? Does he then turn away the kid innocently dressed as a clown? My son, Owen, is going to be a ninja for Halloween. In some cultures -- namely, 15th-century feudal Japan -- this would have been quite scary. Will he be turned away at the door? Would Rev. Jerry Falwell (God rest his soul) have turned away this kid?

7. As far as holidays go, Christmas borrows as much pagan symbolism as Halloween. Trees, holly, stockings, gifts, mistletoe, even the December 25 date -- all these have partially pagan origins. I'm just sayin.'

-------------------

You have random thoughts about Halloween, too. What are they? Let's discuss what we love, get annoyed by, and have noticed about the holiday.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Question of the Day: Happiness

Jim Palmer is one of my Internet friends, that special class of people with whom I have an online relationship but hadn't ever met in real life. Jim is the author of Divine Nobodies and Wide Open Spaces -- two excellent books, by the way -- and is a fellow triathlete/endurance athlete. He has a great blog, too.

Anyway, he's in the Amarillo area today, though, speaking at WTAMU and I got to hang out with him at lunch. Several campus leaders were there, too, and we had sort of an unstructured question-and-answer session. I asked him if there was any connection between his spiritual journey and his more recent journey as an endurance athlete. As a seminary-trained minister, he talked about coming to a point, spiritually, where he didn't feel he had to justify doing something that he enjoyed -- something that truly brought him happiness and fulfilled an inner need -- by attaching some deep spiritual meaning to it. It was enough to just ride long distances on a bike, or swim, or complete ultramarathons, because it made him happy. The challenge itself was justification enough.

That was a refreshingly honest and liberating answer. As Christians, often someone will ask "Why are you changing jobs?" or "Why do you write?" or "Why are you so into golf?" And our tendency is to over-spiritualize our rationale for doing it. Why take a new job? Because God is leading me to do it. Why write? To influence others for the kingdom, or bring glory to God. Why golf? It helps me build relationships with others, and maybe I can lead them to Christ.

Those answers certainly are pious, and they sound really good in church. But are they true?

I wonder. Jim talked about being inhibited because we're living according to the "plot" we think our lives are supposed to follow. Like characters subservient to the plot of a novel, there are lots of things we just don't do because we don't think they fit into the story. But we're wrong. What we need to do is free ourselves from the pious plot and instead, do the things that feed our soul and invigorate our lives.

Why do you like to go backpacking? Because I love it. Being outside away from everything makes me happy.

Why do you run long distances? Because I love how it makes me feel. It makes me happy.

Why do you watch The Amazing Race? Because sitting in a comfortable chair while watching people experience other cultures and deal with incredible stress...well, it makes me happy.

---------

Why can't we be honest about things instead of trying to dust them with spiritual glitter? Why can't we just do things because they make us happy? Because aren't happy, fulfilled, interesting Christians much better advertisements for the religious life than people who must always have a holy reason for everything?

I think so.

What about you? What would you do (big life change, new hobby, etc.) to improve your happiness if you didn't have to justify it spiritually? And what keeps you from doing it?

(Or is this idea totally off-base and selfish? If so, let me know.)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Fun

Why a post of random stuff? Because it's been a random (and craaaazy) week.

------------

The Internet Monk's
"Annual Halloween Rant" is so worth reading for stuffy, scared-of-Satanism Christians. I totally agree.

------------

If you want to see the most geekily genius use of Twitter ever, then follow @FakeAPStylebook. Add it to my wish-I'd-thought-of-that list.

------------

It's like Seth Stevenson of Slate is reading my bucket list. I totally want to do this some day.

------------

I can't believe I just wrote "bucket list." Cliché alert. What a nerd.

------------

If the Jesus artwork below doesn't completely creep you out, then communication between us will be difficult (H/T JesusNeedsNewPR).



------------

Also creepy? Photos of the aftermath of a big fire in a big Parisian taxidermy shop. Nightmare city.



------------

And this "Church Sign Fail" is perfect. Guess they didn't see this joke coming. (H/T: ShueyTexas)



------------

What has randomly inspired, amused, dismayed, or otherwise freak you out this week?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Rich Mullins: The College Years

Since I first posted my reflection about Rich Mullins on the 10th anniversary of his death -- and especially since reposting it here a month ago -- I've been surprised who found it, read it, and was compelled to share with me their relationship to Rich. Many were fans of him, like I was. But a few actually knew him or had met him, and have gotten in touch to tell me about the personal impact he had on their lives.

One of the coolest such connections came from an email I received just this weekend. It was from Dr. John W. Taylor, a professor of music at Friends University in Wichita, Kansas, where Rich went to school in the early 1990s (he was already a successful touring musician at that point, but wanted to get a degree so he could fulfill his dream of teaching music on a reservation).

Dr. Taylor was Rich's academic adviser at Friends and one of his major professors there. He shared with me some stuff about Rich, and I was enthralled. It was such fascinating stuff, I asked him for permission to relay it here. He graciously accepted.

Some highlights, with Dr. Taylor's comments in italics:

About Rich's skill playing the french horn (Dr. Taylor directed the band in which Rich played at Friends):

I must say, he never became a great horn player -- and he would laugh as he would be the first to admit this was true.

--------------

About what led Rich to pursue his music education degree:

He was learning to teach music correctly so he could work -- for no pay -- at a reservation in the southwest. He did not need a teaching license to teach there, but he wanted to learn how to teach music well so he could give the best to the students there.

--------------

About Rich's struggle to balance his success as a musician with his studies:

Many people do not know that I actually asked Rich to leave Friends University after his first year at Friends. I did not know him at all, and I was not aware of his career... Rich was traveling on the weekends, and was missing playing horn in the pep band at some football and basketball games. I was not aware of why he was traveling on weekends (it was to perform). One day, walking down the hall, a student told me that Rich was in a magazine she was carrying -- it was CCM Magazine. I was a bit surprised. I asked to borrow the magazine, and discovered a multiple-page layout in the center featuring Rich.

The next day, I called him into my office. I told him that I now knew about his career and why he was gone so often. I told him he had a decision to make -- focus on school and miss obligations to travel, or leave school. He told me his record label had control over his schedule, and that he could not risk making them upset. I told him he was making much money for them and he could dictate his schedule to them more than he imagined. He then left school.

I was surprised to see Rich back in the fall. I called him into my office on the first day of school and asked him what he was doing there. He told me he had taken my advice, and that indeed the recording people were willing to work on his schedule. He did not miss school again to travel. At the same time, while he was here, he played many large concerts, including special appearances for royalty and leaders of countries. The high expectations we place on our music education students were the same for him, and he lived up to them.

--------------

About Rich's skills as a teacher:

I supervised Rich’s student teaching in a lower SES middle school band here in the city. (He also taught in a lower SES elementary school.) I carefully picked a Cooperating Teacher who was somewhat of a free spirit, like Rich. The kids in the band program loved him. Most importantly, he became a very fine novice music educator, and would have been great teaching at the Reservation. It was my hope to come and observe his teaching someday after he graduated. As we all know, that day never came -- he did graduate, but he was gone before he could settle in permanently as a teacher at the Reservation.

--------------

About what Rich loved -- and didn't love -- about Friends:

He told me once that he liked the fact that all the music faculty at Friends didn’t know anything about his music career -- and they did not care about it. As you mentioned in your blog, he liked the anonymity, and that he was judged by faculty by his school work. He also told me once it was hard to be a student here because there were groupies among the students.

--------------

I love the fact that Dr. Taylor was less-than-satisfied with Rich's academics. Where was this long-haired guy going on weekends? Why isn't he showing up to play his french horn at the football games?

And Rich's excuse for missing these weekend games? He was performing on the piano and guitar and hammered dulcimer in front of thousands of people, who were paying for tickets and traveling for hours to hear his music. That's hilarious. Even more hilarious is the fact that Dr. Taylor -- Rich's advisor -- only found out about the "side gig" when he saw a giant Rich Mullins magazine spread.

Such great stuff. Thank you, Dr. Taylor, for sharing these inside facts with me -- and especially for allowing me to rebroadcast a private email to a larger audience. It adds so much depth to the Rich Mullins story...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

10 Observations from the U2 Show

Along with some great friends, my wife and I traveled to Norman, Oklahoma, this weekend to catch U2's 360° tour. As a long-time U2 fan -- I still have my original Joshua Tree cassette! -- I was particularly pumped for this concert, which was my first time to see them live.

The show lived up to my expectations and more. By way of summary and recap, here are...

10 Observations From the U2 Show

1. You might think the Black Eyed Peas are an odd choice for opening act, but you're wrong. Previous stops in the tour have used Snow Patrol or Muse as the openers. And stylistically, those bands seem to fit better. I wondered if the crowd around us -- which included hipsters, party girls, gay guys, married folk (like us), and 40something parents -- would be hip to the party hip-hop of the Peas. The answer is yes, in fact, they would. People were legitimately excited about the BEP show, and the cheers when they launched into "I've Gotta Feeling" to end their show were loud and boisterous. They gave a great performance, despite the inclusion of "My Humps," which is the most annoying song ever.

2. "My Humps" is the most annoying song ever. And hearing it live didn't cause me to change my opinion.

3. I didn't see anyone doing the Oprah flash mob dance to "I've Gotta Feeling." I honestly expected to see at least some group of people-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands attempting to pull it off. But no.

4. I can only judge from my seat, but U2's crazy-cool stage set-up has to have the best sightlines ever of any huge, stadium concert. I can't imagine there was really a bad seat in the stadium. Whoever came up with the spaceship-meets-mechanical-spider concept -- which included rotating bridges and a 360-degree pathway out into the crowd -- well done.

5. U2 recognizes that their fans love love looooove the old stuff, so the show was a great balance between the classics and the new songs. Even "Unforgettable Fire" made an appearance, which was a surprise. (It was an even bigger surprise for some kid in the audience, whom Bono took up on stage and pranced around the bridge/pathway with for entire song.)

6. The boys are still great showmen. I always wonder if they get tired playing "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" or "Where the Streets Have No Name," but if they've bored with those old tunes, they certainly didn't show it. Lots of energy from song-to-song. They seemed to legitimately be enjoying the experience. How do I know? I could see their faces up-close on the gigantic circular video screen. Adam looked pleasantly amused the entire show, and The Edge hopped up and down a LOT for a guy who's almost 50 years old.

7. Bono didn't preach as much as expected. I honestly wasn't sure how much of his social justice stuff would make it into a concert setting. I love his activism, but I paid for the music...so I wasn't sure how much time we'd spend related to his causes. In my opinion, it was just enough. The main emphasis was on Aung San Suu Kyi, the elected prime minister of Burma who has been under house arrest for most of the last two decades by the military junta running the country.

8. There are a lot of Christians who go to U2 shows, especially in Oklahoma. How could I tell? I counted the number of hands raised when Bono led the crowd of 60,000 in singing "Amazing Grace." Those weren't rock fists.

9. Despite #8, Oklahoma is not as Bible-belty as you might expect. For instance, the drunk guy directly in front of us was simultaneously hitting on the girl to his left and the guy to his right. He left with the guy after the first encore.

10. Outdoor concerts in October are cold. It was 50 degrees with a blustery wind. Pretty cold. I kept wondering if The Edge's fingers would get really cold and stiff and we'd end up with a wonky chord that would bounce around the stadium for the next 35 seconds due to his delay/reverb. But, no, he didn't make any mistakes I could tell.

-----------------

Here are a couple of photos I took from our seats:





Have you attended a U2 concert? If so, what were your top observances from the show?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Like a Torpedo with Gills: Contest Winner

To all of you who submitted an entry in yesterday's Five-Sentence Story Contest: Well done. We received a great collection of entries, almost all of which followed the rules (which included setting a suspenseful tone, containing the phrase "torpedo with gills," and referencing Cleolinda's father).

Also, the submission had to contain exactly five sentences and use this photo as inspiration:



About the photo: That's a picture of the Headington Shark, a 25-foot fiberglass sculpture by artist John Buckley on the roof of a house in Headington, Oxford, England. It was installed in 1986, on the 41st anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki. Awesome. (Not the bombing of Nagasaki, of course. That was far from awesome. But a shark sculpture on your roof? Legen--wait for it--dary.)

Now, for the submissions. First I'd like to recognize some honorable mentions:

David, for overall cleverness, including use of the phrase "shark catapult," the word selachimorpha, and for Horace's perfectly unexplained hatred of Gladys. (Also, for recognizing the sculpture via his reference of Oxford.)

Cleolinda’s father, Horace Ograce, had finally perfected his distressed cider siphon and shark catapult. “Surely there is no more dangerous or delicious weapon,” he announced to the three people standing hear him. “It’s like a torpedo with gills.” Lowering his silver goggles and adorning his flowered vest, Horace prepared his “pushing finger” hyper extended over the yellow flashing button. “Eat Shark Meat Gladys,” he shouted as a non existent crowd watched an airborne selachimorpha sail gracefully across an Oxford sky.

-------------

Claygirlsings, for stretching the five-sentence limit to three full, well-composed paragraphs, all of which expertly established a "dark and stormy" tone. Nice.

It was dark and stormy the night Cleolinda’s father unearthed the aging photo album buried under a box of yearbooks and dusty stuffed animals from Cleolinda’s childhood. As he cradled the album in his arms, wondering if he had the strength to face what lay inside the worn leather cover, he was transported back to the days he spent on the Atlantic, catching fresh fish to bring home to his wife and daughter.

He remembered the plague-like afflictions that hit their New England town, the screams of neighbors who couldn’t escape in time, the dark cylinder-shaped bodies of those strange fish - like a torpedo with gills, and shuddered as a quiver of fear shot through him. Even today, 40 years later, he couldn’t escape the feeling of horror, but the time had come to dredge up the past and find some way to keep Cleolinda safe for the future.

Taking a slow deep breath to steady himself, the wizened fisherman reached with his gnarled hands to gently, oh so carefully, open the book, when a boom of thunder, vibrating through the house and rattling the attic window, briefly deafened him while the lights dimmed, flickered and then went completely out.

-------------

Lauree because the "drip, drip, drip" at the beginning is so classically creepy, and because her five-sentence structure was refreshingly Hemingway-like after Claygirlsings' novel.

The drip, drip, drip is what woke her up. Why did her room suddenly smell like a fishmonger’s dumpster?

She saw the teeth first. The shark had pierced her ceiling like a torpedo with gills.

Later she would hear Cleolinda’s father yelling for James to get out of the bathroom and the sound of a siren wailing in the distance.

-------------

Steve Hallford, for writing possibly the only limerick in history to use the phrase "leviathan-dreamer."

A leviathan-dreamer by the name of O’Kother.
Happens to be my wife Cleolinda’s father.
Shark & sea monster dreams chase him to the hills!
Last night’s nightmare was like a torpedo with gills!!
The next day his therapist could only say, “Oh bother…”

-------------

Adam, for explaining, in quite reasonable terms, exactly what might lead to the "fit of rage" required to fishtorpedo a quiet suburban home.

Cleolinda's father stared at the button he had just pressed in a fit of rage. Moments earlier, as the reality of all he'd lost finally came crashing down on him, he remembered the shark in the torpedo bay. He watched with nervous anticipation as vengeance sailed through the sky like a torpedo with gills. The residents of apartment 33-B would now understand, with crystal clarity, what happens when you cheat at Monopoly.

-------------

Chris Miller, for a surprising and economic explanation of the photograph, from the shark's perspective. And for making Cleolinda the shark. And for a brilliant twist on a familiar (and appropriate) idiom.

Cleolinda's father always told her: "People jump sharks; sharks don't jump people." Her father drilled it into her every day of her life. She was as sick of hearing that line as she was of her father. Cleolinda had enough and was going to do the most rebellious thing she could think of. Like a torpedo with gills, she was going to jump the people.

-------------

That was a great one, Chris, and would have won the contest if not for the detailed hilarity of the winner. In five (lengthy) sentences, this submission told a fascinating and funny story, complete with the kind of out-of-nowhere descriptions that I always love. Bonus points for connecting it to the season, for the always-suspenseful use of witchcraft, for the highly original deployment of a bedpan, for dipping into obscure Hawaiian mythology with the Aumakua reference, and for ending the submission by using the required "torpedo" phrase like a literary hammer.

Congrats, Amory Blaine. You win.

On October the thirtieth, in the preface of Halloween treats and trickery and when man’s tolerance for cable TV ghouls expands, Cleolinda, best known as “Miss Cleo,” psychic of the pay-per-call, drove her father David back to his retirement home. Cleolinda’s father, also a shaman, hit an old age and could only incant black magic in slurs the gods only sort of understood – but mostly couldn’t. That night, after Cleolinda drove home to her million dollar condo in Fort Lauderdale, shaman David dug out his warlock’s pot (a bed pan, by mistake), magic book (make that a large-print crossword puzzle) and all the ingredients to a good brew (a rubber band, denture paste and dryer sheets), and placed them on his bedside table. Whether he was trying to impress all the single ladies in the retirement home or the gods themselves, in a voice as loud as his wizened old self could bear, he shouted his incantation (or what he thought to be his incantation), “IN THIS NITE OF OCTOBER THIRTIETH, PRITHEE GODS COME DOWN AND TARRY IN THY PRESENCE AND BRING THY SERVANT GREAT RICHES ABOUND!” But what the gods heard and how the gods responded was quite different; for in a moment faster than it took David to walk from his bed to his bathroom – which invariably took longer than five minutes – the gods sent a shark, perhaps Aumakua, the shark god himself, swimming through the air and drilling into David’s retirement home: like a torpedo with gills.

-------------

Amory, email me with your mailing address and Pocket Guide of choice (Sainthood, Afterlife, or Bible). I'll sign it and send it your way, with or without shark accompaniment.

-------------

Didn't win here? Then head over to Nicole Wick's blog for a review of the Pocket Guides, an interview with me, and a book giveaway. To qualify for the giveaway, just leave a comment for Nicole and you can win one of the books.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

5-Sentence Story Contest, with Shark

It's been too long since our last contest -- 5-sentence story or otherwise -- so let's do another one. The winner gets a signed copy of his or her choice of my three new Pocket Guides (Sainthood, Afterlife, or the Bible).

----------------

Here's the photographic inspiration for your story:



Your job for this contest? Compose a five-sentence story (or story snippet) inspired by the scene above. As in the past, it has to adhere to five particular rules:

Rule #1: Your story must contain five sentences. No more, no less.

Rule #2: It doesn't have to have anything to do with the actual real-life subject of the photo.

Rule #3: It has to be suspenseful in tone. Not necessarily scary or horrific or gory, but definitely suspenseful.

Rule #4: It has to contain the phrase "like a torpedo with gills."

Rule #5: Your story must reference "Cleolinda's father." I'm not telling why.

----------------

Submit your 5-sentence story in the comments. The deadline for submissions is midnight (Central) tomorrow, Oct. 15.

Ready? Go!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Will the World End in 2012? Experts Speak!

Last week I embarked on a humble campaign. I'm trying to convince the people of the world that, in fact, our world will NOT end on December 21, 2012, regardless of what the ancient Mayans may or may not have predicted.

In addition to what I wrote last week, I would like to summon a new witness to the stand. His name is Apolinario Chile Pixtun, and he is an expert on the subject seeing how he is no less than an authentic Mayan Indian elder.

That's right: a real, live Mayan (see photo at right). Mr. Pixtun lives in Guatemala. Let us ask him a question.

Mr. Pixtun, how do you feel about everyone running around saying the world is about to end because the ancient Mayan calendar allegedly comes to an end on December 12, 2012?

Pixtun: I came back from England last year and, man, they had me fed up with this stuff.

Thank you. You may be seated. Now I would like to call another witness to the stand. His name is Jose Huchim. He is a Yucatan Mayan archaeologist. Mr. Huchim, based on your experience with the Mayan people and their predilection for prophetic utterances, what do you think they would say if you asked them about the year 2012?

Huchim: If I went to some Mayan-speaking communities and asked people what is going to happen in 2012, they wouldn't have any idea.

What if we reminded them that their ancient astronomical skeelz gave us the idea the world would end in three years?

That the world is going to end? They wouldn't believe you. We have real concerns these days, like rain.

Thanks. You may be seated. Good luck with the rain. I would now like to call David Stuart to the stand. Mr. Stuart is a specialist in Mayan epigraphy at the University of Texas at Austin. What's this about the Mayan calendar coming to an end and it signaling the end of the world?

Stuart: It's a special anniversary of creation. The Maya never said the world is going to end, they never said anything bad would happen necessarily, they're just recording this future anniversary on Monument Six.

Let the record show that the "Monument Six" Mr. Stuart refers is a stone tablet discovered in the 1960s, which seems to describes something which apparently supposed to occur at the end of the present calendar cycle, which correlates to the year 2012. This event may or may not involved Bolon Yokte, a Mayan diety we don't know much about but who is associated with both war and creation.

Let the record show that if you don't believe in the existence of Mayan deities, you probably shouldn't believe the world will end in 2012.

Also let the record show that erosion and a big crack in the tablet make the passage pretty much illegible anyway. So there's no telling what it really says.


Claire Huxtable, from numerous episodes of The Cosby Show: Let the record show!

Thank you, Mrs. Huxtable. You may be seated, too. Now I would like to pose a question to AP writer Mark Stevenson, who wrote a great article about the subject yesterday. Mr. Stevenson, what do you think will happen on December 21, 2012?

Stevenson: Most archaeologists, astronomers and Maya say the only thing likely to hit Earth is a meteor shower of New Age philosophy, pop astronomy, Internet doomsday rumors and TV specials such as one on the History Channel which mixes "predictions" from Nostradamus and the Mayas and asks: "Is 2012 the year the cosmic clock finally winds down to zero days, zero hope?"

Ooh, that's good. Nicely put. Did you know that I, Jason Boyett, am one of the so-called experts who appears on one of those 2012 History Channel shows? It was "Decoding the Past: Doomsday 2012: End of Days." I'm very proud of it.

(silence)

Would you like to see the sum of my appearances in this program? I don't actually say anything about Mayans or Nostradamus. Mostly I talk about the Bible while cheeseball reenactments appear on the screen.

(silence)

Anyway, here it is.



Yes, your honor. I realize that's a pretty old video, and the goatee is pretty lame. What? Oh, yes, I'm done with the gratuitious self-promotion. That will be all. Yes, I rest my case regarding 2012...for now.

--------------

(All "witness" quotes taken directly from "2012 isn't the end of the world, Mayans insist," written by Mark Stevenson for the Associated Press. Except for the one from Mrs. Huxtable, which is taken from my impeccable memory.)

Photo credit: AP Photo/Moises Castillo