Denominations on the Radio

If you're awake between 7:30 and 8 a.m. Eastern (6:30-7 a.m. Central) tomorrow morning, then point your browser toward WCRF Radio in Cleveland to hear parts 5 and 6 of a six-part interview I did with host Mark Zimmerman about my "6 Denominations in 6 Weeks" experiment.

You could have listened to parts 1 and 2 yesterday morning and parts 3 and 4 today, but I forgot to tell you about it. Also, that's really early for most of us. It's probably too much to ask anyway.

There are a lot of things I expect from you readers.

• I expect you to leave a comment on the Who Are You? post.

• I expect you to buy a copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible (see sidebar at left) if you don't already own one, because $6.99 is beans for a signed copy of a book personally shipped and handled by a real-live author. I promise your book will have my own fingerprints on it. (Do not be alarmed: I wash my hands frequently.)

• I also expect you to brush your teeth twice daily and adhere to most local, state, and federal laws. I expect you to visit this blog occasionally. I expect you to be nice, in general.

But I do not expect you to set your alarms for way early in the morning so you can get up and listen to me ramble for 10 minutes on a Cleveland radio show. That's going too far. And I know where to draw the line: I'm not above asking for your time and money...just not an unreasonable amount of time or an unreasonable amount of money.

That's just the kind of guy I am.

Matthew Paul Turner Interview (Part 2)

Yesterday, author/speaker/blogger Matthew Paul Turner stopped by for Part 1 of an interview during his blog tour to promote his new book Hokey Pokey. Here's Part 2 of the interview. Enjoy...

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I know you talked to a lot of other people as you researched Hokey Pokey. What did you learn about other young adults during that process?

As people who profess Christianity—not just young adults—often when we talk about our personal stories, we don’t feel the freedom to tell the truth about our lives. That’s because it’s easier to tell processed versions of our stories, the ones that could be used in sermon examples or written in inspirational books. Most of them have heroes and end with a victory. But that’s not always real life. The details of our stories don’t always add up to “victory in Jesus”—maybe that’s a coming story for all of us—but it’s not the story of the moment.

Consider this: because I am a writer who is published by Christian publishing houses, I can only be so truthful about my life. If I were to write down the whole truth, it would either end up being edited or I wouldn’t get published. I’m not suggesting that what I write is a bunch of lies—it’s not—I’m just saying it’s not my entire story.

What do you see resulting from that lack of freedom?

It's fear. I think this fear that so many of us feel cripples our ability to figure out our calling. But again, our reasons for fearing are legitimate. We’re afraid what people might think of us. Or we’re afraid we might get disowned by our families. Or we’re afraid of punishment—earthly or eternal.

I met a good number of Christian young people who want to be honest, but aren’t convinced it’s worth the cost. And I believe that’s understandable, considering I know the “costs” involved. But it’s also sad.

This is sort of an awkward transition considering how you ended that last paragraph, but...What tips do you have for beginning writers looking to someday get their own book published?

Here are a few ideas that I think might help a beginning writer. It’s certainly not exhaustive, but I’m refraining from making too much noise, remember?

I would answer that but I live in fear of contributing too much to the noise.

Shut up. Here are my tips.

1) Write. Write every chance you get. On blogs. For local newspapers. Anyplace. Then share your musings with people who will be blatantly honest with you about the writing.

2) Learn how to tell a story. Whether it’s your own story or somebody else’s—that doesn’t matter—just learn how to write it down in the most interesting and truthful way possible. Nobody is an expert, but some writers are much better than others. And all of us can improve.

3) Have a voice. What sets you apart from Donald Miller or Anne Lamott or Elizabeth Gilbert? There’s got to be something that makes you different than other writers. Is it your style or your perspective or your humor or your tone? Or all of the above?

4) Take your idea to the local bookstore. Okay, so once you think you’ve gotten a good idea, go to a bookstore or online at Amazon.com and see who has already come up with that idea. Just because there’s another book already out there doesn’t mean your idea is a cliché necessarily, it just might mean you need to tweak it some or come up with more creative way of presenting it. But if there are ten books on the same topic, then you might have a cliché.

You've built a pretty nice blog community at JesusNeedsNewPR. How has it helped you as a writer? What advice do you have for beginning bloggers looking to build an online readership?

I enjoy blogging. It gives all of us a way to share our opinions and stories, no matter how pointless they are or we think they are. I think it helps with marketing books or getting the word out that you have a new one coming out. But for me it’s just a way to stay in touch with readers who want to know what’s going on in my life or blog readers who happen to think I’m sometimes funny.

If you’re going to be serious about blogging, I think it needs to be somewhat informational, opinionated, and entertaining. The most successful blogs usually have those three qualities. My blog isn’t very informational, but I do have opinions and I try to be entertaining.

I guess mine is more informational and maybe entertaining. Between the two of us, we're an ideal blogger. A couple more questions: What's one thing that most people don't know or understand about writing and/or publishing books?

I am not rich. Period. Some writers do become rich. But ninety-nine percent of us are not.

I can confirm this.

Thanks. Number two, sometimes it sucks being at home in front of my computer. My job is not glamorous. And even when you get your first book in stores—you know, the one that feels like its your baby—be prepared for the possibility that your publisher might neglect your child by leaving it all alone in their warehouse or not tell anybody that it’s sitting on bookshelves.

Or your publisher might stop publishing books altogether. I'm speaking in a general sense, of course, and not referring to any specific publisher with whom I may or may not have once had a relationship.

Noted. Anyway, I know that sounds negative. It’s not meant to be. It’s just the truth.

Ouch. Mine was sorta meant to be negative. What's the most challenging thing for you in the process of writing a book? How did you deal with that challenge while working on Hokey Pokey?

One of the biggest challenges is that I sometimes wake up in the morning and don’t want to write. I usually end up trying to force myself to get something down on paper, or I read a book by one of my favorite authors and pray that it will inspire me to have something to say. Sometimes those ideas don’t work, and so I end up just taking a break or writing crap. Not literally. But it would be sort of cool if I could, huh?

No. That would not be cool at all. In fact, if it ever becomes a reality for you, I don't want to know about it.

In the middle of writing Hokey Pokey, I became depressed. Not because of the book, but because of some personal stuff happening in my life. It wasn’t clinical depression—I’ve experienced that before—but it was enough to make it very difficult to write a book about “calling.” I’m not sure I really “dealt with it” while writing Hokey. Honestly, my editor and publisher were very patient and graciously gave me time to do a rewrite.

What's the best advice you can give to someone trying to figure out what to do with their life?

Honestly, if I were to answer this question, I would be going against most of what I talk about in the book. There isn’t one easy answer to figuring out life, and that’s a very good thing.

Sorry, then. I take that question back. One more, then, and you can't dodge this one by saying "it goes against the theme of my book" or some other nonsense. Do you have a favorite member of the Fat Albert gang? Who and why?

Probably Dumb Donald. As a kid, I would have loved having the courage to cover up my face.

I agree completely. Thanks, Matthew, for including us on the blog tour. Good luck with the book!

Thanks Jason for the interview!

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Visit Matthew Paul Turner's blog, Jesus Needs New PR.

Buy Hokey Pokey.

And the first two people who buy a copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible (see sidebar) and then email me after the transaction with the subject line "Hokey Pokey" will get a free copy of Hokey Pokey in addition to your signed Pocket Guide.

Matthew Paul Turner Interview (Part 1)

Matthew Paul Turner is a fellow writer and long-time digital friend (one of those weird cyber-friendships where we've known each other for years but have never actually hung out in person) who has recently released a new book, Hokey Pokey, on the subject of exploring one's calling in life. Matthew's books are funny, insightful, and filled with great personal stories. Anyone at the stage in life where they're trying to figure out who they are and what they're supposed to do will find great comfort in a book like Hokey Pokey.

Matthew was kind enough to stop by here as part of his international blog tour to promote Hokey Pokey (which, by the way, is as fun to type as it is to say...especially in italics). Here's Part 1 of the interview, which will continue tomorrow. When you've finished reading, stop by his blog (Jesus Needs New PR) and say hi.

JB: Hey, Matthew. Thanks for bringing your blog tour to our neighborhood.

MPT: Hey Jason! Thanks for being a part of my “blog tour.” What does “blog tour” mean anyway? I’m not touring anywhere. In fact, I’m doing this interview from the comfort of my living room. Maybe it’s one of those things that we’ll only understand in Heaven, like grace and tonsils.

And a reason for the existence of mosquitoes, if I have my way. So, tell us about the book. What is it about, who is it for, and why did you choose the idea of “calling” as the subject?

MPT: The book is called Hokey Pokey: Curious People Finding What Life’s All About. As you said, it’s about “calling.” But this isn’t one of those “seven-steps to figuring it out” life books; it’s more about the frustrations and obstacles one might face in the process of “figuring it out.” I talk about calling being a “journey,” one that involves curiosity.

We talk a lot here about the nitty-gritty details of writing -- like how it works and what it looks like. How did you become a writer and get your first book published?

Five years ago I lost my job at CCM Magazine. The one thing I really enjoyed about that job—other than the people—was writing. Because of an email relationship that I had with Cameron Strang at Relevant, he and I almost immediately began talking about book ideas. We ended up landing on the concept for The Christian Culture Survival Guide. So I had a book deal like four weeks after I lost my job. At the time though, Relevant was a small publisher and since I knew Cameron, I didn’t have to go through the normal loopholes to get a book deal.

So was writing a book always a goal for you?

Writing was never my goal. Of course, I did have that one book idea—you know, the one that everybody thinks they have—and like everybody, I believed my idea would sell millions. But other than that, I sort of tripped into writing. Was it a “God-thing”? Maybe. But I don’t know that for sure.

Do you have an agent? If so, do you recommend beginning writers get an agent? If not, why not?

I don’t have an agent. I’m in the process of looking for one now. Some might disagree, but I’ve never needed an agent. But I don’t believe that’s “normal.” Since I’ve never had an agent, I can’t answer the second part of that question.

Good enough. Another question: What is the writing process like for you? What does it look like?

Do I have a process? Hmm. Well, I try to write something everyday. Sometimes that happens, and sometimes I just sit and stare at my laptop, look at blogs, or check my sales numbers at Amazon.com. I’d like to be cool enough to say that I don’t ever do that, but I’m not.

I don't ever do that.

(crickets)

Anyway, when I write I usually do it at home. I sit on my red couch and write most of the day. When my wife gets off work, I take a break until she goes to bed, and then I usually write for at least a couple more hours. That varies to some degree in the weeks leading up to a hardcore deadline.

Do you make it up on the fly or work from an outline?

I usually have a little bit of an outline when I write a book, but I’ve found that hardcore outlines limit my ability to think and write creatively, and so I try to avoid them whenever possible.

Was the process of writing this book any different from your other books? Did you do anything new?

I did travel to several cities to conduct interviews for this book. A friend and I went out on the road and talked to people about their calling. We talked to pastors, a homeless man, a CEO of a major company—people with lots of varying views and definitions about the topic. But other than that, my books processes are pretty much the same.

What did you learn about yourself in the process of writing Hokey Pokey? Did it confirm or clarify anything about your own calling?

I probably learn a little something about myself in every book that I write. With this one, I relearned the importance of listening and how much it relates to “calling.” I relearned the need for me to listen to God. To other people. To my heart. All of these things. I’m naturally a talker. I can talk all the time, and even though I appreciate the words and thoughts I have to say, most of the time, my talk is just noise that I create with my mouth. And in regards to calling, those of us who want to make a difference in the world and also “find ourselves” in the process, it’s so important to listen.

For me, that lesson led to a lot questions about my calling as a writer. I realize that “writer” isn’t my only calling as a human being. But it’s the part of my life that creates the most “noise,” and how much noise is one person supposed to create. I sometimes think about what Oprah feels when she gets home and she’s sitting in her living room all by herself. Is she annoyed by the noise she creates?

I guess the one thing I’ve learned about writing is that, while it’s my way of making a living, I no longer want to write just to be busy or to have money in my checking account. Which in the Christian market is a great temptation, because unless you have a hit book, writers don’t make a ton of money. So it’s imperative sometimes to keep writing, and creating noise. The stuff that I will write in the future will hopefully be stuff that I believe in, am passionate about, and will reveal my heart to be a good listener.

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Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of the interview, in which Matthew and I discuss truthiness in the Christian market, what it takes for beginning writers to get their feet wet in the publishing world, and how he uses his blog to connect with his readers.

Buy Matthew Paul Turner's Hokey Pokey.

DON'T buy this Hokey Pokey book. It is enjoyable enough but you'll probably be disappointed.

Nine Thousand Fifty-Three

Last week, a truck bearing four pallets and a couple thousand pounds of freight rolled into Amarillo. On that truck were all the not-yet-sold copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible still existing in the world today, give or take a few. The total number of those copies? 9,053. Packed into many, many boxes. Too many to store in my garage.

And I own them all. They're mine. All mine.

Here's the deal. Relevant Books published my first Pocket Guide -- Pocket Guide to the Apocalypse -- in early 2005. It was moderately successful, thanks in no small part to its being picked up in Wal-Mart stores nationwide. Within a few months of that release we began revising and repackaging my very first book, Things You Should Know by Now (2004), into another Pocket Guide book called Pocket Guide to Adulthood. It came out in late 2005. Then in 2006, we published Pocket Guide to the Bible, which was and still is one of my favorite books. In late 2006, Relevant made the decision to stop publishing books.

This made me sad. Because I had always envisioned the Pocket Guide concept as a series -- a "brand," for you marketing folks -- of small, fun, entertaining-yet-educational books about big religious subjects. I was dreaming big. I wanted to write a dozen Pocket Guide books and see them all on a shelf like those Chicken Soup for Your Parole Officer's Soul books. Me and Relevant...we were gonna take on the world of pocket-sized book publishing.

But it was not to be. So Relevant has still been selling my books -- including Pocket Guide to the Bible -- in their back catalog, but haven't been actively promoting them. Then, at the end of last year, I signed a deal with Jossey-Bass, a publishing imprint of the huge Wiley publishing behemoth. (Wiley knows its way around reference series, as it publishes Cliffs Notes, and Frommer's travel guides, and all those ...For Dummies books.) Much to my delight, Jossey-Bass shared my enthusiasm for the Pocket Guide brand and we decided to relaunch the series in the summer of 2009 with three books. One of these books is Pocket Guide to Sainthood, as I've made clear with several posts of advance content. Another one is Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, which I'm writing now. It's about heaven and hell and ghosts and all kinds of fun stuff.

And the third one? It's Pocket Guide to the Bible -- just like the original, only revised and rereleased and repackaged by Jossey-Bass.

Because I sold Relevant the rights to that book when we first published it in 2006, I had to purchase those rights back to allow Jossey-Bass to republish it next year. And you know what buying back the rights entailed, in this case? Purchasing the existing inventory of Pocket Guide to the Bible. All 9,053 books in the Relevant warehouse. Nine thousand fifty-three.

Nutshell: I have a whole freaking lot of books on my hands. And I would like to unload as many of them as possible. I got a pretty good price per book in my buy-back, so that means I can pass on considerable savings to you. The list price for Pocket Guide to the Bible is $11.99. You can get it on Amazon right now for $9.59. But I'll sell it to you for $6.99 AND I'LL SIGN IT because I'll be shipping it to you myself. No middle men. No bookstores. No sales clerks. Just me and a pen and a literal ton of books and some mailing tape.

But wait! It gets better! Over the last couple of years I've heard from a number of college ministries and Bible study groups and even university classes that have used the book as a non-threatening introduction to the Bible. For larger groups needing copies of the book, I'm offering an even deeper discount: $3.99 per book if you buy a carton of 48. (Why 48? Because that's how many fit in a box.) And I'll still ship them to you myself and sign each and every one of them. That's how I roll.

College and/or young adult ministers? Here's a unique, inexpensive giveaway idea.

Youth ministers? Here's a cheap bunch of graduation gifts. (This would be a good time to quote from Internet Monk Michael Spencer's gracious review of PGTTB: "As a professional communicator with young people, this book is gold for me.")

Bible teachers? I'll let Mr. Spencer say it once more: "...a great gift for anyone who works with the Bible: pastors, seminary profs, students, teachers. When you have to take on a subject professionally, a book like this can awaken fresh appreciation with some humor and insight." (Thanks again, iMonk.)

Regular people? Be a peach and buy a whole box of signed copies for your friends and family. Finish up your Christmas shopping in May. Do you know a college minister or youth minister or Bible teacher? Send them right here.

I have no further reason to beat around the bush, so here's the hard sell: I have a lot of books. I would like to sell some of them to you. That's why you'll see buttons in the sidebar to the left. Click on those to buy your very own signed copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible. The "BUY NOW" button will take you to a secure Paypal window where you can pay for your books using your credit card or Paypal account. Then when you're done, you'll be directed back here. I'll get your signed books to you post-haste, and maybe I'll even send a nice personal note.

It's the great Pocket Guide sales event, and it'll last at least until summer 2009. (Insert explosion sound and flashing graphics here.) Don't miss it!

Coming Soon

A few items of interest should be happening next week here at jasonboyett.com. They are as follows:

1. I recorded an interview today with Moody Radio in Cleveland (WCRF -- 103.3 fm). Probably about a 30-minute interview with their morning show host Mark Zimmerman about the "6 Denominations in 6 Weeks" article in Relevant. A good opportunity to discuss with Mark some of the differences between the church services I attended and some of the things I learned from the process -- including some insights that didn't make it into the article. It may end up being a two-parter that will air sometime next week. I'll let you know when in case you want to listen live.

2. Next Tuesday and Wednesday, this blog will be participating in a blog tour for my friend and fellow writer Matthew Paul Turner. MPT has a new book out called Hokey Pokey: Curious People Finding What Life's All About, about the subject of finding meaning in life and pursuing a calling. He's a fellow blogger with a funny, quirky outlook on things. We both got our book-writing start at Relevant and share a similar sensibility, so expect a couple of fun posts out of my MPT interview.

3. Watch for a BIG announcement next week regarding my 2006 book Pocket Guide to the Bible. If you've just been waiting and waiting for a perfect gift opportunity for a friend, loved one, arch-nemesis, or upcoming high school graduate, put it off until next week. Then stop by here. You'll be glad you did.

The Red Balloon (Le Ballon Rouge)

Some of you aren't old enough to remember the days before VHS tapes. Back then, when we watched movies in school they were on film. With clunky projectors. And if you were watching a film with multiple reels, there was always that cool click...click...flapflapflapflapflap when the first reel ended but kept spinning while the film whipped against the projector.

I'm pretty sure I remember the operation of the projector more than I remember much of the films I used to watch in elementary school or at church or at the public library for storytime. The old Disney Swiss Family Robinson movie was always a favorite, along with The Shaggy Dog — which I enjoyed but distinctly remember creeping me out a little.

But scenes from two films — both of them pretty much dialogue-free, if I remember right — have stayed with me ever since those old days. The first is a French film from the 1950s called The Red Balloon (Le Ballon Rouge). It's the story of a little boy who plays with a balloon all day on the streets of Paris, until a bunch of neighborhood bullies "kill" the balloon in an excruciating death scene involving a slingshot and stomping. I've always held a mental image of that impossibly round, shiny, thick-skinned balloon with a thick string attached to it, so unlike today's thin oval balloons...and the sound of the kid's feet clomping down the cobblestone streets as he chased the balloon. Do any of you remember this film?

Fun fact: It won an Oscar in 1956 for Best Original Screenplay...the only dialogue-free film ever to win that honor.

The Red Balloon has recently been released on DVD, and a brand-new film by a Taiwanese filmmaker has just come out in homage to it. The new film is called The Flight of the Red Balloon. You can read more about both films here. Jog your memory with this clip:




The other childhood film still lodged in my brain -- and I actually remember the first time I watched it as a 4-year-old, and in what room at my church -- is called Paddle-to-the-Sea. It's based on a 1944 children's book of the same name, about a boy in Canada who carves a little wooden boat out of wood and puts it in a lake near his house. We follow the boat as it traverses the Great Lakes and eventually ends up on the St. Laurence River and into the Atlantic Ocean. "I am Paddle-to-the-Sea," the kid carves on the bottom of the boat. "Please put me back in the water."

It came out in 1966 and also was Oscar-nominated. Anybody see or remember this one?





I've got some serious nostalgia brewing as I think about and watch clips of these two films. What about you? What random films or movies from your childhood still give you the happies?

I Doubt It

Crazy day today, for various health- and work-related reasons. So no real and/or official and/or super creative post or anything. My apologies.

Instead, I'll direct you to my latest piece for TrueU.org. It's called "I Doubt It: How to Deal with Uncertainty." It is (hopefully) an honest look at some faith issues I continue to struggle with, and how I'm learning to handle it. It's also a topic that I'll be turning into a book later this year for Zondervan, once all the Pocket Guides are finished. Publication in late 2009.

So...there you go.

Have you commented on the "Who Are You?" post yet? If not, now's the time.

Dorkiness, Part 2

In response to last week's article about my unfortunate levels of personal dorkiness -- and, apparently, the dorkiness of some of you blog readers -- my cyber-friend Ken Grant sent me a link to an old post from his blog. Back in August, Ken took the time to transcribe the lyrics to "White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yancovic. This, it must be said, is an extremely dorky action in itself. But then Ken went so far as to assign point values to the examples of overly caucasian nerdiness defined in the song by Weird Al. This is truly a gift, because now we can all read the song's lyrics, add up our geeky values, and then boast about it.

Here's a sample:

I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
(5 points if you have ever played ping pong, 10 points if you are good at it, 30 points if you've ever played in an organized tournament)

I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
(10 points if you've ever won a game of trivial pursuit)

Guilty of both. (In fact, unchristianly proud of my abilities to dominate in contests of trivia and ping-pong.)

So according the Ken Grant survey of white nerdiness, I score a 338. According to Ken's breakdown, this makes me only borderline nerdy. I can hang with the Dork Elite, but they mock me behind my back. To be very honest, I am delighted about this. This may, in fact, be the sweet spot of nerdiness.

What about you? Take Ken's quiz and report your score in the comments.

25 Ways to Tell If You're a Dork

People like lists. I'm a blogger of the people. So here you go...

25 Ways to Tell If You're a Dork

1. You find yourself silently inserting the phrase "...weeeeeeth a herring!" at the end of any command beginning with the words "You must..."

2. You could tell me not only what movie the above phrase came from, but you could also quote the command that proceeded it.

3. You have a profoundly negative opinion of Scrappy-Doo.

4. You know the actual words behind the acronyms TIFF, EPS, HTML, and JPEG. And this makes you feel superior to the ignorant people who don't.

5. You just found yourself wondering about the fantasy baseball implications of Max Scherzer's recent call-up and addition to the Diamondbacks rotation.

6. In your mind, if not aloud, you like to refer to Anglican theologian N.T. Wright as "The Bish."

7. You have boasted, in a public forum, about your ability to perform tricks on a trampoline.

8. You have inadvertently used the word "frak" as a pseudo curse word, because you watch way too much Battlestar Galactica.

9. You often find yourself suggesting to your kids that they get out their Legos, because you personally enjoy making stuff out of Legos than doing just about anything else.

10. You know most of the words to all of the songs on both High School Musical soundtracks.

11. ...and some of the dance moves, too.

12. You have a blog. You often check how many people are reading your blog. And this is important to you.

13. You were using a Mac on a daily basis in 1994, before anyone thought it was cool. And this is important to you.

14. You find yourself randomly quoting dialogue from shows like "30 Rock" or "Arrested Development" or even "Friends," and feeling a profound sense of shared experience when people get it, and an empowering sense of cultural superiority when they don't.

15. It annoys you when people don't use the word "blog" properly. Like when they say, "I wrote four blogs last week" when they should have said "I wrote four blog posts last week" or "I posted four times on my blog last week." Because seriously, don't they know?

16. You have almost resorted to physical violence over grammatical miscues like their/there and its/it's and your/you're.

17. You have been annoyed at another person's inability to perform efficient, accurate Google searches.

18. You have encountered another person riding a bike while on your own bike, and they were going a little slower than you, and you were going to pass them anyway but you started pedaling a lot harder right before you passed him or her as if to say, "Check out my impressive rate of speed!"

19. You jog the half-mile from your house to the gym and then pass judgment on the people slaving away on the treadmills who probably drove their SUVs to the gym, because had they jogged like you they could have saved a) time on the treadmill; b) gas; and c) the planet. And then you feel bad about being so judgmental and full of yourself.

20. You alluded to the "Book of Kells" at lunch today at Whataburger for pretty much no other reason than to stun your lunch companion with some random nugget of Church history.

21. ...and then you mentioned it on your blog for the same reason.

22. You can hear the phrase "#16 Prince Bead-Head Nymph" and know exactly what that means and what it looks like.

23. You can remember the Chicago Cubs 1988 opening day lineup, but can't remember to do something your wife asked you to do this morning.

24. You can name all eight members of the Fat Albert gang. And you have a favorite.

25. You write a list like this and every single entry applies to you.

Writer's Mailbag: How Do You Find the Time?

Other people are into NASCAR, or "American Idol," or improving their golf game. But me? I'm fascinated with something that makes me a really big nerd: writers' schedules. For years and years I've read interviews with various writers and paid particular attention to when (and how) they actually sit down and write. J.K. Rowling came up with the Harry Potter story on a train, then wrote the first book in a café while her infant daughter slept beside her. John Grisham got up at 5 am every day for three years to write A Time to Kill. There are tons of stories like this about people finding the time -- making the time -- to get words on paper. It's always inspiring.

So I get asked by a lot of people where I find the time to write. After all, I have a full-time job and a young family and do some freelance writing on the side. When do I write the books? Am I magic? Am I somehow privy to time-shifting technology?

Untrue answer: Yes. I have invented time travel. It involves an old telephone booth and the unaccountable presence of George Carlin.

Short true answer: I write at pretty much the same time every morning and every night. This involves being disciplined. I plod through it. I give up stuff like watching TV when I get home from work. It's a trade-off. But it's worth it.

Detailed true answer: Here's my weekday schedule...

6:00 am -- Get up, pour coffee, and start writing

6:45 -- Shower, get dressed (I only shave on Saturdays. Yes, I am a lush.)

7:00 -- Breakfast and hang out with Ellie and Owen

7:45 -- Take Ellie to school

8:00 to noonish -- Work

Lunch -- with Owen (Monday), Aimee (Tuesday to Thursday), Ellie (Friday)

1 to 5:00 -- Work

5 to 8:00 -- Dinner and play with the kids (until they go to bed at 8 on school nights)

8 to 9:00 -- Exercise (usually weights on M/W, swimming on T/Th)

9 to midnight -- Write write write write write write

On Thursday nights I take a little time off to watch a few of our Thursday evening shows ("Lost," "The Office," "30 Rock") on the DVR with Aimee after the kids are asleep. Fridays, I work at home and devote most of the day to my current book manuscript. I don't write on Friday evenings. On Saturdays, I get up at 6 am and write until the kids wake up around 7:45 or so. No writing at all on Saturday night or Sunday morning. That's my day to sleep in.

I probably carve out a total of 18-20 hours a week to write and research.

Which means there's not a lot of downtime, although my evenings with Aimee and the kids usually involve a lot of fun activities like jumping on the trampoline or playing in the front yard or constructing Lego spaceships. It's a good enough balance, so far, to keep me sane. (And unlike some people, I'm able to function on six hours of sleep.) But I can't sustain it indefinitely. So I'm working hard now to get the books done ahead of deadline, which will allow me to relax without any contractual obligations hanging over my head. It's hard for me to vegetate when I know there's work to be done.

I know there are a few other writers who read this. What about you? How do you fit in the writing time?

6 Denominations in 6 Weeks

If you haven't read the full "denominations" article yet, it's now posted in its entirety at RELEVANTmagazine.com. Go read it. Comment if you'd like. Interact here or there.

"6 Denominations in 6 Weeks"

All You Need to Know About Anchorites (Sainthood Preview)

Here's another dose of advance content from Pocket Guide to Sainthood (Jossey-Bass, 2009). There were lots of really interesting ways to be super spiritual back in the medieval days, from sitting on a pole your whole life (St. Simeon Stylites the Elder) to a lifetime of stumbling around starkers in the wilderness (St. Mary of Egypt), but none may have been more radical than becoming an anchorite. Here's the entry on "Anchorites" from the glossary chapter.

Anchorite
A special kind of hermit who dedicated himself or herself (in which case she was called an anchoress) to a life of solitude, prayer, and asceticism. But instead of living in caves or the desert, anchorites preferred cozier confines: they walled themselves into a wee little room attached to a local church. Once the cell was ready, the anchorite would enter it in a somber ceremony — somber does seem like an accurate way to describe it — and the local bishop would then permanently brick up the door, sealing the man or woman inside. Afterwards, the anchorite’s only exposure to the outside world would be through a small window for the passage of food and water.

The renowned 14th-century devotional writer, Julian of Norwich, was an anchoress. She was also quite pasty.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Known for their great spirituality and wisdom, anchorites often dispensed advice through their tiny windows. Because if there’s anyone who ought to be telling you how to get along in the world, it’s someone who has willingly reduced their world to a closet.

Not to be confused with: Hermits, otherwise known as free-range anchorites.

Fun related fact: The Ancren Riwle, a 13th century manual for anchoresses, lists eight reasons to retire from the world. These include everything from security issues (“If a raging lion were running along the street, would not a wise person shut herself in?”) to protecting one’s virginity (“…this precious balsam in this brittle vessel is virginity…more brittle than any glass; which, if ye were in the world’s crowd, ye might…lose entirely”). It’s quite convincing.

I Am Good, Helpful, and Dull

I was never a big comic books guy, but I watched a lot of "SuperFriends" as a kid and always thought Green Lantern was the coolest superhero. Not sure why. Maybe because Superman and Batman always were hogging the spotlight? Because he had a cool ring? Because of the time travel?

Then I got into "Fat Albert" during high school (ironically, of course) and would have told you as a 17-year-old that The Brown Hornet was my favorite superhero.

But Superman? Nah. He was boring. Never got much into him.

Which is why I'm a little disappointed to find out, via the SuperHero Quiz, that the superhero I am most like is the pasty-dull Man of Steel himself. Come on. He doesn't even wear a mask! He's got that dorky little hair curl plastered against his forehead! But that's not all, because you know what's also pretty disappointing? I match up with Supergirl as much as I do with Superman. Supergirl. Wow. That's just...wow.

I guess if Gene Hackman ever bothers you, you can call me. After all, I love to help others.

Take the quiz yourself here. My results are below...

---------------

You are Superman
You are mild-mannered, good, strong, and you love to help others.

Superman: 80%
Supergirl: 80%
Hulk: 70%
Robin: 70%
Spider-Man: 65%
The Flash: 65%
Green Lantern: 55%
Iron Man: 55%
Wonder Woman: 50%
Catwoman: 30%
Batman: 35%

(H/T: Mike at Deadly Viper)

Who Are You?

Welcome to jasonboyett.com. Due to recent linkage from Church Marketing Sucks and a few other places, we've had quite a few new readers stop by over the last few days. Thanks to Feedburner, I know how many people visit this blog each day, and from what city, and via which browser, but I don't actually know who you are. There are no names (unless you comment). And definitely no faces (unless you comment with an avatar).

Only disembodied cities: Philadelphia, Colorado Springs, Los Angeles, Narberth (!)

So...let's get to know one another. If you are so inclined, leave a comment with your name and your location and any other information you think we should know.

(If you've never commented before, it's pretty easy. You can sign in with OpenID, which means if you have a Blogger, Wordpress, LiveJournal, or AIM identity you can use that. Or you can sign in quick and easy with the "anonymous" option. All you have to do is type in the occasionally tricky word verification thing. This keeps the riff-raff out.)

Our Big Honking Stuff Problem

Today is Earth Day. It's been around, in an official capacity, since the late 60s. The earliest I can recall hearing about it is during my freshman year in high school, which was 1988. We talked it up a lot at school that year, and the student council was selling Earth Day t-shirts with something about saving the earth and recycling on the front. Green silkscreen. The shirts were cool. I bought one and wore it proudly on Earth Day.

I'm not sure of the chronology, but I ran into my 9th grade Sunday School teacher while I was wearing the shirt. I liked the guy. He was nice and fairly young. He was big-time into Young Earth Creationism (the literal 7-day variety), so almost all of our Sunday School lessons turned into discussions about where the dinosaurs came in and how Noah could have fit some baby dinosaurs on the ark and whether or not "leviathan" in Job was a dinosaur reference. He was super-knowledgeable about that stuff and we ate it up.

This is the first thing he said when he saw me wearing my Earth Day shirt: "Why are you wearing that? You don't believe that junk, do you?" He was not kidding at all. In fact, he was a little angry. I mumbled an answer about how they were selling them at school. His implied message -- that there was something unchristian about Earth Day -- was news to me. I was devastated. I don't remember ever wearing that shirt again. I never talked to him about it, but I definitely looked at Earth Day differently for the next few years. I didn't buy any more shirts.

It was another few years before I decided that my dinosaur-loving Creationist teacher was flat-out wrong (about a lot of things) but especially for being so jerky about my shirt. I still see him every once in awhile. Not sure if he's come around or not.

But I have.

And I'm not gonna soft-shoe it, either. Christians need to repent for having gotten in the way of the last few decades of environmental initiatives -- for treating any environmental talk with knee-jerk suspicion, for acting like it's all some sort of pagan/liberal mumbo-jumbo, for forgetting that creation care is a spiritual issue and a poverty issue and a human rights issue and not just a corporate or political one. It is not an anti-Christian thing at all...despite what our 9th-grade Sunday School teachers may have said.

I'll end the rant and try not to get too preachy about it. But here are some resources to consider on this Earth Day:

Read this: One of the best faith & environmentalism books I've read is Tri Robinson's Saving God's Green Earth. Tri is a pastor whose Boise church is doing some groundbreaking things when it comes to the intersection of religion and conservation. Some great articles at their website.

Another great book? Serve God, Save the Planet, by Matthew Sleeth.

Watch this: We have a big honking consumerism problem. I have a big honking consumerism problem. And it's good to recycle stuff and walk instead of drive and try to turn off the lights when you leave the room. But those are tiny actions around the edge of the problem. They won't fix the environmental crisis. Instead we need to get to the heart of the problem, and its heart is consumerism. We buy too much stuff we don't need. That's why I think the Junky Car Club is a great idea. That's why I also want to recommend this short film by Annie Leonard. It's 20 minutes long, but it's a fast-paced, funny, eye-opening 20 minutes. You want to participate in Earth Day? The best place to start is by watching "The Story of Stuff."

Here's a teaser.



Watch the whole film at www.storyofstuff.com.

Try this: If a young person gets excited about something good -- something that's beneficial to someone else, even if you think it might be somehow misguided -- do not discourage him or her from pursuing it. To do so is mean, selfish, and a crappy way to be human.

On a Saturday morning a few weeks ago, my 7-year-old daughter, Ellie, was riding her scooter down the block. She came back in a hurry, a little frantic because, four houses away, one of our neighbor's sprinkler heads had come off and water was gushing down their driveway. Ellie had learned at school that week about not wasting water. She was upset about the lawn geyser, "because we might run out of water someday." She wanted me to go fix it. Or go turn off their sprinkler. My first response was to tell her it wasn't our yard and we couldn't really do much about it. And that their broken sprinkler was not going to drain our water supply. Then I thought about my Earth Day shirt, and my Sunday School teacher. And about Ellie's out-of-nowhere passion for water conservation. So I walked down to that house and -- despite getting soaked and muddy -- screwed that sprinkler head back into place. Water crisis solved. Ellie was happy. In a small way, we saved the environment that morning.

Baby steps.